AtLA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Ratraccoon
Summary: Ever wanted to own your very own character from Avatar the Last Airbender? This manual has everything you need to know. Chapters will be in alphabetical order.
1. Aang

Disclaimer: Avatar the Last Airbender doesn't belong to me it belongs to Mike and Bryan.

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AN: I would like to thank MapleRose and mumyou nanashi for the idea for this using Gundam Seed and Inuyasha characters. Since no one has done this using Avatar the Last Airbender characters (and because most (not all) AtLA fanfics suck) I have taken it upon myself to write this.

Also this fanfic use to be several composed of different fanfics; each one for a different character. Please feel free to make any character request that you don't see listed in the chapters. This fanfic was originally published on December 5, 2007.

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**AANG: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated AANG unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Monk, Airbender, and Unwitting Avatar. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (AVATAR) AANG

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 112 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Southern Air Temple with raw materials probably from the Eastern Air Temple

Nationality/Ethnicity: Air Nomad

Height: About 5'2"

Weight: Very light

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**Your AANG unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Standard monk's outfit

One (1) Staff/Retractable glider

One (1) Underwear/"Trunks" for swimming in, yes even in subzero weather

One (1) APPA unit with separate owner's manual (this is a 2 for one deal)

One (1) Razor

One (1) Fire Nation disguise (version 3.0 and up)

One (1) Cracky voice (as seen in version 3.0 and up)

One (1) Weird orange and yellow cloth thingy for a shirt (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Replacement glider via the Mechanist (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Hat from a XU unit (We have no idea how he got a hold of it) (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Formal Air Nomad style outfit (version 3.5 only)

But interestingly enough your AANG unit does not come with a MOMO unit or a bison whistle. You may purchase either a MOMO unit or a bison whistle separately from us or from an antiques dealer (will cost you §199.99 if you buy it from us).

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**Programming:**

Your AANG unit is the single most important AtLA unit being the Avatar and all. Therefore is a highly versatile unit. With each upgrade he will become even more versatile.

**Airbender: **Automatically set; can be used for a wide range of things from flying, creating tornados, or for deflecting attacks.

**Waterbender:** Can only be activated by a KATARA or a PAKKU unit; can be used for various purposes.

**Earthbender: **Can only be activated by a TOPH unit. Again used for various purposes.

**Firebender: **Can only be activated by a ZUKO unit. (Make sure that it's a 3.5 version) Basically to burn things with and use as a heat and lighting source.

**Entertainer: **Avatars have an annoying habit being a show off, so use this to your advantage to lighten up a dull party.

**Bison Driver:** Can't get your APPA unit to take you anywhere? Well look no further.

**Odd Jobs: **You may give him a various number of jobs both that involves using more than 1 type of bending and those that doesn't involve any bending. He will usually be happy to do them as long as it's not too unpleasant.

**Energybender:** (Version 3.5 only) Can only be activated by a lion turtle. This is a technique that can only be done by the Avatar; it gives your AANG unit the ability to take away someone else's ability to bend.

**WARNING:** This technique is very dangerous and can cause the destruction of your AANG unit if he becomes corrupted.

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**Your AANG unit has eleven (11) settings:**

**Happy-Go-Lucky: **(Default setting)

**Sad: **Usually activated every time he remembers that he is the last Air Nomad/Airbender.

**Normal Kid:** (Level 1 Lock)

**Avatar State: **(Level 1 Lock) unless you have had a GURU PATHIK unit successfully help him unlock all his chakras.

**WARNING:** Destruction of an AANG unit on this setting will end the Avatar Cycle and may cause the apocalypse.

**Aangry (that's not a typo):** (Level 2 Lock)

**Depressed: **(See Sad)

**Stressed: **Usually activates whenever he realizes that he needs to master all four elements in 9 months or less or may have to kill an OZAI unit.

**Panic/Paranoid:** (See Stressed) **WARNING:** May cause sleep depravation.

**Irritated:** If your AANG unit sees a Fire Nation play about him it is bound to happen.

**Aangst (again not a typo):** Basically just like regular angst but in character.

**Disturbingly Zuko-Like Angst:** (Level 3 Lock)

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**Relations with other units: **Your AANG unit is a very friendly unit and is compatible with just about any other unit not trying to kill him.

**KATARA:** This is the unit you will need to teach your AANG unit waterbending as well as a crucial part of your upgrade to AANG Version 3.0. Their relationship is usually on good terms even from the start but even your AANG unit is capable of pissing off this unit. Your AANG unit will become lovesick around a KATARA unit unfortunately any affection given to a KATARA unit will be rarely returned in the in the form desired by your AANG unit.

**CAUTION:** If you are successful in getting a KATARA and an AANG unit into a romantic relationship keep in mind that if they decide to create a new unit, and the destruction of your AANG unit happens late in the process; there is a disturbing possibility that your AANG unit may be reincarnated as his own kid.

**SOKKA: **At first any SOKKA unit will not like your AANG unit but over time they will eventually become good friends. A SOKKA unit can come up with plans for your AANG unit that are either really bad or really good.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **Interactions will be hostile at first but will usually end up having the same results as with a SOKKA unit. Having a KATARA unit around will help speed up the process.

**WARNING:** Will be a harsh earthbending teacher.

**APPA:** Is more than just a means to get around to an AANG unit; he loves this unit as a beloved pet.

**WARNING: **Destruction or theft of an APPA unit will cause Aangry mode to unlock.

**MOMO: **Interactions are similar to an APPA unit. The presence of a MOMO unit will give your AANG unit hope about the possibility of any surviving Air Nomads. It is recommended that you keep a MOMO unit around for pet therapy; he'll need it.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **Unless it's a Version 3.5 ZUKO we strongly recommend that you keep your AANG unit away from a ZUKO unit. Versions 1.0 and 2.0 will want nothing more than to kill your AANG unit (preferably in the Avatar state) or capture to keep him out of the way so that the Fire Nation will not have to worry about the Avatar for the next 70 years. (Though ZUKO and AANG units have been known to temporarily join forces when either a ZHAO or an AZULA unit is near by). A ZUKO Version 3.0 will try to kill your AANG unit in a cover-up.

**Version 3.5: **Will be one of the first members of the gaang to accept him out of necessity that he needs a firebending teacher. While they normally get along fairly well, your AANG unit's upbeat attitude and ideals will annoy a ZUKO unit every so often since it is just a little too much for his angst setting.

**WARNING:** Do not allow your AANG unit to goof off during a firebending training session with a ZUKO unit near the arrival of Sozin's Comet.

**(FIRE LORD) OZAI: **This is the unit that your AANG unit will have to face when he becomes a fully realized avatar. Sadly he just won't have the guts to kill an OZAI unit and finding a lion turtle may be necessary to defeat an OZAI unit. Oddly enough your AANG unit might try futilely to talk some sense into an OZAI unit before fighting him even after learning how to energybend.

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**Cleaning:**

Your AANG unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

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**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi and because your AANG unit is a growing boy on the verge of puberty, make sure that he is fed thrice daily with vegetarian meals with custard and fruit pies. Also make sure he gets plenty of rest so that he doesn't have hallucinations of Samurai Momo and Appa.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded and oh boy will you be spending so many of your waking hours upgrading your AANG unit that you may have to quit your job. In addition to the three standard upgrades there are the bending upgrades (see programming section) and the Avatar State upgrade. However you may purchase pre-upgraded versions. But because upgrading AANG units is such a pain in the ass it will cost §1000.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to AANG Version 2.0 first make sure that he has mastered waterbending then have him wipe out a Fire Nation armada while in the Avatar State.

**3.0 Upgrade:** This upgrade is a bit trickier; first make sure he has mastered earth bending, and then get an AZULA unit to lightningbend him in the back. (If you can't find an AZULA unit then use electrocution) This should put him into a coma for a few weeks and allow his hair to grow out. Next get a KATARA unit to heal him with water from the Spirit Oasis to get him out of that coma.

**WARNING:** This upgrade may cause the destruction of his glider and loss of national identity.

**3.5 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to version 3.5 first prepare for the invasion on the Day of Black Sun, then shave his head and put that weird shirt thing on him. Believe it or not that's all you need to do.

**Avatar State Upgrade: **In order to get your AANG unit to enter the Avatar State by his own free will and have control of himself you must find the nearest GURU PATHIK unit. He will help your AANG unit unlock his seven chakras.

**WARNING: **If for any reason your AANG unit decides to leave during the upgrade he will not be able to enter the Avatar State for awhile.

**Energybend Upgrade:** In order to learn this, your AANG unit must go sleepwalking at night (going for a sleepswim included) and wander onto a lion turtle's back. Have him meditate on the lion turtle's back. After talking to his last four past lives he will get upset about all of them even (AVATAR) YENGCHEN telling him to kill an OZAI unit. Afterwards your AANG unit will figure out that he is on a lion turtle and be like "screw this I'm going to see what the lion turtle has to say". From there he will learn how to energy bend.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I just took my AANG and SOKKA units to a restaurant that my SOKKA unit suggested going to and he said he was not hungry. I later found him eating lettuce from a dumpster. What is wrong with this kid?

A: Probably you forgot that all AANG units are vegetarians and that SOKKA picked out some Atkins friendly restaurant that doesn't have any vegetarian dishes, possibly in a failed attempt to convince your AANG unit that it is ok to eat meat. Next time let your AANG unit decide where to eat or pick one out yourself the next time you eat out.

Q: My AANG unit can't keep a low profile and because of this I always have some Fire Nation soldier chasing after me and my AANG unit. What should I do?

A: Unfortunately we have never been able to completely solve this problem, incognito just isn't in his vocabulary. Upgrading to AANG Version 3.0 might help to alleviate this problem somewhat but he will still blow his cover from time to time.

Q: Does my AANG unit have 3 airbending tattoos or 5 airbending tattoos? You know the 2 on each arm and that 1 or 3 on his head and back and legs; what I'm trying to say is do they connect?

A: We assume that you are asking whether or not AANG units have their butts tattooed and trying to be subtle and not doing a very good job of it. The truth is that we don't know nor do we even want to know. The mental image of a monk tattooing a twelve-year-old's bottom is disturbing enough as it is.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your AANG unit is always in constant aangry, aangst, or sad mode because your APPA unit has gone missing or was stolen by sandbenders.

Solution: Go to Ba Sing Sei and look for the nearest LONG FENG unit; he will have your missing APPA unit. Getting your APPA unit from him will not be easy.

Problem: Your AANG unit has not slept in days because of the upcoming invasion.

Solution: There are 4 different methods to fix this problem; 1. Make him attend a yoga session with a KATARA unit. 2. Get a SOKKA unit to dress/act like a Sigmund Freud-like figure and be his therapist. 3. Threaten to let a TOPH unit perform acupuncture on him. 4. The best method of all: make a bed out of koala-sheep wool for him.

Problem: You don't know how to get your AANG unit to enter the Avatar State again since he decided to leave during the middle of his Avatar State upgrade.

Solution: Interestingly the solution is very simple; just hit him really hard in the spine where his electrical burn scar is.

Problem: You can't find a lion turtle nor convince your AANG unit to be willing to kill an OZAI unit.

Solution: Have you tried to find a way for your AANG unit to horribly mangle an OZAI unit so he can't bend instead? Making him a quadriplegic would be an even worse fate than a simple loss of bending and imprisonment since now he can't even commit suicide! (i)

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With proper care and maintenance, your AANG unit should become a fully realized avatar before most avatars even discover that they are the Avatar; maybe even before Sozin's Comet arrives.

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i At the end of "Sozin's Commit Part IV" I thought Ozai looked depressed enough to commit suicide.


	2. Appa

This fanfic was originally published on December 17, 2007**

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**APPA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated APPA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Sky Bison. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: APPA

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 106 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Eastern Air Temple

Nationality/Ethnicity: Air Nomad (Sky Bison)

Height: About 12 ft at the shoulder

Weight: 10 tons (whether is metric or English unit tons we don't know)

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**Your APPA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Saddle

One (1) Rope for reins

One (1) AANG unit with separate owner's manual (this is a 2 for one deal)

One (1) Fire Nation circus costume

One (1) Custom-Made sky bison armor with two (2) barrels of water via a SOKKA unit

One (1) Samurai outfit for AANG unit hallucinations

Three (3) or is it four (4) swords for AANG unit hallucinations

But interestingly enough your APPA unit does not come with a MOMO unit or a bison whistle. You may purchase either a MOMO unit or a bison whistle separately from us or from an antiques dealer (will cost you §199.99 if you buy it from us).

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**Programming:**

Your APPA unit is a beast of burden and while he is more practical than MOMO units he is not as versatile as his Avatar the Last Airbender human counterparts.

**Transportation Source:** (Default Program) APPA units are specifically trained to carry people from point A to point B using airbending. Even though many humans will regard your APPA unit as just that; a source of transportation, he needs love and affection from the occasional human to keep him going. This is why APPA units come with AANG units. Because it takes more energy for your APPA unit to airbend than it does to walk, he will become tired after awhile and walk on the ground or swim.

**Fighter:** While not specifically trained for this he can fight and be a mounted battle-ready bison. Your APPA unit can stomp, claw, swipe, gore with his horns, bite, blow away, and whack people with his tail. Your APPA unit can handle a lot of stress but even he will become frightened after awhile. Especially if fireballs are flying through the air.

**Circus Performer:** While APPA units do not enjoy doing this, you can get him to perform tricks. We strongly advise against making him fly through a flaming hoop of fire or whipping him to get him to do anything. Also we suggest using your AANG unit as his trainer.

**WARNING:** Do not let a Fire Nation circus animal trainer to train your APPA unit or he will become pyrophobic.

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**Your APPA unit has six (6) settings:**

**Happy: **Whenever he is enjoying himself or is around an AANG unit.

**Frightened: **If he is in battle fighting continuously for too long. Or he is mistreated and doesn't get angry.

**Upset: **When he gets separated from an AANG unit for too long. Or he gets stuck due to his large girth.

**Angry: **When humans mistreat your APPA unit, he is very miserable, or a MOMO unit is playing with his bison whistle.

**Pyrophobic: **This setting will not be available (hopefully) unless he is mistreated by firebenders.

**Licking Mode:** When he can't resist the urge to lick people that he likes.

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**Relations with other units:**

Your APPA unit is a friendly unit if he hasn't been mistreated recently; and is compatible with just about any other unit that will not mistreat him.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **Is more than just a means to get around to an AANG unit; he loves this unit as a beloved pet. Your APPA unit is usually happy around an AANG unit and is therefore the most compatible unit.

**WARNING: **Destruction or theft of your APPA unit will cause Aangry mode in your AANG unit to unlock.

**MOMO: **These two units have been known to mess with each other. For instance an APPA unit has been documented holding down a piece of fruit with one of his toes so a MOMO unit can't pick it up. And a MOMO unit has been seen playing with a bison whistle to drive him nuts. However MOMO units will try to help your APPA unit in any way they can if he gets stuck; and will miss him if separated for too long.

**KATARA: **Is more than just a means to get around to a KATARA unit more than you would think due to the fact that they can be affectionate towards him and are compatible enough for a KATARA unit to get your APPA unit to play sick.

**WARNING: **If theory of compatibility is wrong keep any KATARA units when they have purple berries away from your APPA unit.

**SOKKA:** Will mainly regard your APPA unit as a source of transportation but won't have a problem grooming him while you go have fun. If a MOMO unit goes missing he will automatically assume that your APPA unit ate him.

**TOPH BEI FONG:** Will mainly regard your APPA unit as a source of transportation but won't blatantly say it in front of an AANG unit. TOPH units do not like riding on APPA units because they suffer from motion sickness and can not see what is going on.

**SUKI:** If she finds your missing APPA unit she will take care of him as long as she can.

**GURU PATHIK:** If your APPA unit gets lost he will help him find his way back.

**LONG FENG:** Will hold your APPA unit as a trump card if he manages to capture him.

**ZUKO: **Out of all the evil things that he has done, animal cruelty is not on his list. So if a ZUKO unit does manage injure him it was because your APPA unit was at the wrong place at the wrong time while he was attacking your AANG unit. If a ZUKO (Version 2.0) unit frees him from a LONG FENG unit your APPA unit will appreciate him and will lick ZUKO units; even if they're not covered in honey.

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**Cleaning:**

Your APPA unit is not capable of cleaning himself for the most part. So you will have to do it yourself. Do not machine wash (he won't fit anyways), do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and don't forget to clean between his toes.

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**Energy:**

Since airbending uses up a lot of chi make sure that he is fed thrice daily with plenty of hay, fruits, and vegetables to fill up his five stomachs.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Is my APPA unit the last sky bison?

A: If you were only referring to just your APPA unit then no. If you were referring to all sky bison units in general then yes he is. The Fire Nation wiped them all out while they were committing genocide on the Air Nomads so they couldn't travel as far to get away from them.

Q: Hey, my bison whistle I bought from you doesn't work! I demand a refund! Why couldn't you have given me one that works?

A: Bison whistles are out of the range of human hearing so it would seem that they don't work to people who don't know any better. If you really think it's broken test it out by repeatedly blowing into it around your APPA unit and see if it drives him nuts. If indeed it doesn't work send it back and we'll ship one that works to you.

Q: My APPA unit that I got has shaggier hair than what is normal for APPA units and his arrow and horns are missing. Also he is talking and its really freaking me out. And for the record I am not a sleep deprived AANG unit writing this.

A: Whoops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a FALKOR unit from our Never Ending Story line by mistake. But if you wish to keep him that is fine with us. If not send him back and we'll ship the right one to you.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your AANG unit is always in constant aangry, aangst, or sad mode because your APPA unit has gone missing or was stolen by sandbenders.

Solution: Go to Ba Sing Sei and look for the nearest LONG FENG unit he will have your missing APPA unit. Getting your APPA unit from him will not be easy.

Problem: Your APPA unit has a purple tongue and looks sick.

Solution: Your APPA unit is most likely faking it for a KATARA unit. Or a KATARA unit has overfed him purple berries. If that is the case stay up and pretend to be asleep or wake up extra early to catch her in the act.

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With proper care and maintenance, your APPA unit should be able to take you to places all over the world.


	3. Azula

Please note that not all characters will have a 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, ect. versions if at all and the version number do not necessarily correspond with the book/season number. Because Azula was only seen in 2 episodes in season 1 and didn't even speak until season 2. Seasons 1 and 2 Azula will both be considered version 1.0 and season 3 Azula will be considered version 2.0.

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This fanfic was originally published on December 12, 2007.

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**AZULA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated AZULA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Lightningbender, and Manipulator. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (PRINCESS) AZULA

Date of Manufacture: 14 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'6"

Weight: She keeps electrifying the scale for her own sadistic amusement so her weight is unknown

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**Your AZULA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation uniform-like outfit

One (1) Fire Nation fancy warship (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Mongoose dragon (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Kyoshi Warrior disguise. (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Dai Li outfit (version 1.0 only)

One (1) P.J. (version 2.0 only) (Sorry I couldn't resist.)

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Fire Nation princess outfit (similar to Zuko's) (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Fancy Fire Nation armor (version 2.0 and up)

Two (2) Dai Li agents for those annoying solar eclipses (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Shuriken for those annoying solar eclipses (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Bath robe (version 2.0 and up)

One (1) Pumice stone (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Hair brush _(We are not liable if she breaks a mirror with it.)_ (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Scissors (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Cape (version 2.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your AZULA unit is a highly versatile unit being a child protégée and all. With the right coaxing you can get her to perform various tasks. With each upgrade she will become even more versatile unless she is on her Crazula setting.

**WARNING:** Some AZULA unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Firebender: **(Default Program) Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight. She can fly short distances by using jet propulsion and is the only known firebender that can bend blue fire.

**Arsonist: **Well your AZULA unit is a firebender enough said.

**Lightningbender: **Out of all of the lightningbenders only a known three units can actually create their own lighting. Your AZULA unit being one of them. Please note that it takes her a few seconds to get a good charge.

**Avatar/ZUKO & IROH Tracker: **With all ZUKO and IROH units (versions 2.0) considered traitors and with the Avatar still out there someone needs to capture/kill these people. And ideally before a ZUKO unit manages to capture an AANG unit.

**Puppet Master: **Your AZULA unit is very good at manipulating people to get them to do almost whatever she wants them to do; it's as if she is pulling on their strings. Not only that but AZULA units are so good at lying that they can actually say "I'm a 400 ft tall purple platypus-bear with pink horns and silver wings." with a strait face AND pass a lie detector test!

**WARNING:** This program might be used against you.

**Fire "Lord": **(For version 2.5 only) snicker Your AZULA unit might just be declared Fire Lord if a nearby OZAI unit wants to declare himself Phoenix King and be in charge of the Fire Nation's historical territory and have her rule as a governor.

**WARNING:** If your AZULA unit is on her Crazula setting she will be banishing and executing people left and right.

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**Your AZULA unit has eleven (11) settings:**

**WARNING: **AZULA units are sadistic sociopaths and are not user friendly.

**Sociopath:** (Default setting) Possibly the worst genetic disorder in the Fire Nation royal family; unfortunately for you AZULA units have the most severe case. In fact, if it weren't for the need for members of the royal family to produce heirs we would be recommending that you get your AZULA unit's tubes tied. (And maybe even getting any ZUKO units vasectomies.)

**Cold Hearted:** Basically on about half the time. Although it's hard to tell with her puppet master program.

**Manipulator: **Your AZULA unit will need to be on this setting to activate her puppet master program.

**Excited:** (Level 1 lock for very excited) Whenever something goes her way and it is safe to express this feeling. Or if she has won a game of volleyball.

**Sadistic:** On this setting your AZULA unit will do mean things for her own sick amusement even to her friends. AZULA units have been observed scaring off small children and CHAN units and making them cry while on this setting.

**Mean:** Usually on while in angry mode and simultaneously with sadistic mode.

**Surprise/Shock:** Whenever something she didn't expect happens, her eyes will briefly widen before returning to normal.

**Angry:** When her plans get botched or an idiot other than a TY LEE unit says something stupid or just pisses her off.

**Happy:** When something goes her way or it is not safe to be on excited setting.

**Crazula:** (Available for version 2.5) When and if your AZULA unit goes crazy and her craziness level reaches the event horizon; no amount of sanity can escape it. It your AZULA unit will just go into a downward spiral in a matter of weeks until she hits rock bottom.

**WARNING:** Your AZULA unit may accuse you of trying to assassinate her with the most mundane items.

**Nice:** (Level 3 Lock)

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**Relations with other units: **Your AZULA unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only a few other units.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO:** A ZUKOunit may be the brother unit to an AZULA unit but don't be fooled; she wants his claim to the throne and is willing to kill any ZUKO unit over it. AZULA units also enjoy pissing off ZUKO units with the usual Zuzu stuff. There are only two situations where a ZUKO unit is even remotely compatible with an AZULA unit. 1. While on Ember Island on vacation. 2. When it becomes apparent that either unit is incapable of killing/capturing the Avatar alone and will need to form a temporary alliance.

**TY LEE: **This is probably the most compatible unit with your AZULA unit. The only documented case of an AZULA unit ever being nice to someone was towards a TY LEE unit. AZULA units enjoy the occasional complement from TY LEE units. Also TY LEE units will do just about anything for your AZULA unit even literally dive head-first into sludge. Think about it do you, or even us for that matter even want to know what else she is willing to dive head-first into?

**WARNING: **What happens on Ember Island stays on Ember Island.

**WARNING 2:** Witnessing a MAI unit betraying your AZULA unit may lead to a TY LEE unit following suit; especially if your AZULA unit is about to kill that MAI unit.

**MAI: **This is one of the most compatible units with your AZULA unit. While there has been no actual documentation of an AZULA unit being nice to a MAI unit; it has been speculated that your AZULA unit can be. While MAI units may not be as loyal to your AZULA unit as TY LEE units are, your AZULA unit will often find them less annoying.

**WARNING: **Repeated interactions with ZUKO units may eventually lead to a MAI unit betrayal of your AZULA unit and cause her to go into crazula mode.

**(FIRE LORD) OZAI: **This is the paternal unit of your AZULA unit and is the person that she aspires to be like and will do anything to please him. (Eww! Get your minds out of the gutter you perverts! The royal family isn't THAT dysfunctional!) Because of this and the fact that your AZULA unit is a protégée; OZAI units consider her to be their favorite child.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **Because the Avatar is the number 1 threat to Fire Nation world conquest and a capture/kill by a ZUKO unit would bump her back down in the line for the throne, she would like nothing more to get him out of the way.

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**Cleaning:**

Your AZULA unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and don't forget to scrub between the toes.

**WARNING: **If you wash by hand we are in no way responsible if your AZULA unit electrocutes you.

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**Energy: **

Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that she is fed thrice daily. While she would rather eat food fit for a princess she has no problem eating what the average Joe eats when she has to.

**WARNING:** If your AZULA unit has gone into Crazula mode make sure that you don't give her any fruit with pits it.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading AZULA units is a hassle it will cost §300.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to AZULA Version 2.0 first sneak into Ba Sing Sei, then manipulate a ZUKO unit into joining her side to fight the avatar. Defeat an AANG UNIT and make the finishing blow by using lightningbending.

**2.5 Upgrade: **First get a MAI and a TY LEE unit to betray your AZULA unit (this can be optional if you want), then get an OZAI unit to give her the title Fire Lord to make way for his even grander new title, Phoenix King.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that my AZULA unit can predict people's behavior to manipulate them but can't interact with people to get what she wants in a normal social situation?

A: That is because she is a sociopath. It's a genetic mental disorder that can't be cured; both our OZAI and AZULON units have/had it. This is why under normal circumstances we would recommend getting her tubes tied. So it all comes down to is how her brain is wired.

Q: Why is it that whenever I take my AZULA unit to the park that turtles and or ducks flee whenever they see her?

A: It appears that she hasn't grown out of her animal cruelty phase from when she was a child.

Q: What is with the masculine title Fire Lord; shouldn't it be Fire Lady? (We often receive lude comments about this that question; both about an AZULA unit's gender and sexual orientation after this question.)

A: We think the title might be given to all fire lords regardless of gender because Fire Lady sounds just stupid for a ruler. Though one has to wonder if **all** the spouses of every single fire lord have been called Fire Lady.

Q: Concerning the boyfriend problem trouble shooting solution. Aren't all AZULA and TY LEE units heterosexuals?

A: Yes and that is what makes it even sadder is that it would be a prison gay sort of thing. (i)

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your AZULA unit can't get a boyfriend because she scares any potential ones off.

Solution: Get a TY LEE unit to give her advice; or better yet just have your AZULA unit go out with that TY LEE unit. The sad truth is that her best shot at having a romantic relationship with anyone is with a TY LEE unit.

Problem: Your AZULA unit keeps burning your volleyball nets whenever you play volleyball with her.

Solution: Get a volleyball net made of metal wire. That shouldn't be flammable!

Problem: Your AZULA unit has gone into her Crazula setting and banished you from your own home and you need to capture her alive for a downgrade or to erase her memory of being betrayed by a MAI and or a TY LEE unit.

Solution: Get a ZUKO unit (preferably a 3.5 version since that is the strongest version at firebending) to challenge her to an Agni Kai and get a KATARA unit for back up. Don't worry because an AZULA unit is not at her best at firebending when in Crazula mode and because a ZUKO unit can just short-circuit your AZULA unit if he wants to and a KATARA unit can freeze her and chain her up while she is frozen.

**CAUTION:** If your AZULA unit gets chained up she will roll around, kick, scream, and shoot fire out her mouth, ears, and who knows where else for an unknown period of time until she wears out.

Problem: You took your AZULA unit to someplace and she frightened small children.

Solution: Next time take her to someplace where it isn't too likely to have small children. If you can't find one, take her someplace where it is likely to have mixed age groups and find an activity for her to do that any small children aren't doing. That way she will frighten people her own age or older instead.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your AZULA unit should not kill you.

* * *

i Is this why I have a bizarre obsession with Azulee shipping despite the fact that I'm not normally into gay shipping? Because prison gayness in female characters is virtually never depicted.


	4. Bumi

This fanfic was originally published on January 3, 2008.

* * *

**BUMI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated BUMI unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your King, Earthbender, and Prankster. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: (KING) BUMI

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 110 years ago (112 at the most)

Place of Manufacture: Omashu

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Omashuan) (i)

Height: About 5'8"

Weight: He seems to weigh around 150 lb; but he might have recalibrated the scale, since he likes to mess with people.

-

**Your** **BUMI unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earthbender outfit

Two (2) Robes, a purple one and a green one

Two (2) Hats with large feather-like horns on them to match each robe

Eight (8) Rings

One (1) FLOPSIE unit

Two (2) Creeping crystal rings

One (1) Metal box (more like coffin)

One (1) Bag and a bottle of steroids and crack cocaine (What? Did you really think; he just drinks nutrition shakes?) (ii)

Several pieces of rock candy

One (1) Tent for "old people camp"

One (1) Order of the White Lotus cape (we don't know why he comes with only the cape; we can understand having the whole outfit minus the boots but not having only the cape)

-

**Programming:**

Your BUMI unit is a highly versatile unit even though he may seem to be just a crazy, frail old man at under his robes at first glance. But in reality he is the most powerful earthbender in terms of brute force.

**King: **(Default program) Your BUMI unit is the king of Omashu (not the entire Earth Kingdom so he is more of a mayor) and has all the perks that come with it. Even though BUMI units are crazy, they have to be doing something right considering that Omashu is a prosperous city.

**Earthbender:** Automatically set; BUMI units are the most powerful earthbenders in terms of sheer strength and can even earthbend with just their chins.

**Gladiator:** Because BUMI units don't get to see much action your BUMI unit will enjoy fighting in an arena as an earthbender.

**Prankster:** Need to pull off a unique prank on someone so they will never see it coming? BUMI units are perfect for the job, and might even invent new pranks.

**CAUTION:** This program might be used against you.

**Jing Expert:** BUMI units seem to know a lot about jings and know at least 3 of the 85 jings. Wait a minute; almost anyone that even knows what jings are knows what the 3 basic jings are, and there are actually a total of 85 all together. So there is no guarantee that he even knows what the other 82 are!

**Order of the White Lotus Member:** Your BUMI unit is a part of a centuries old secret society that believes in philosophy and beauty and is against the war. Along side 4 other OWL members (3 of which are actually Fire Nation citizens) he will help take back Ba Sing Sei after taking back his own city.

-

**Your BUMI unit has five (5) settings:**

**Crazy:** (Default setting) Lets face it your BUMI unit is a nutcase and few people understand his logic at times. But at least he is a mad genius that few people will get what he is up to and can come up with ideas no one has ever thought of before.

**Mischievous:** BUMI units like to play pranks on others or just plain mess with people.

**Happy:** Whenever he is enjoying himself and or finds something funny he will make this somewhat obnoxious snorting laughter.

**Wise:** With over a century of knowledge that he has gained over the years he knows a lot about life in general and how to live it.

**Serious:** When there is something important that is no laughing matter (well at least to him anyway) he will become serous to deal with it. Please note that it can be very hard to tell if your BUMI unit is on this setting; because he will pretend to be on this setting while in mischievous mode and when it appears that he is just goofing off he might actually be on this setting.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your BUMI unit is a pretty friendly unit and is compatible with just about any other unit not trying to kill him. However he may appear to not be as friendly as he actually is due to his prankster program.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **These two units are childhood friends and are still on good terms even to this day. However if they have not seen each other in a long time, an AANG unit will forget about your BUMI unit and he will then feel the need to pull off a massive prank on that AANG unit until he remembers your BUMI unit. This is the most compatible unit.

**FLOPSIE:** This is your BUMI unit's pet gorilla-goat. It is very strange to watch your BUMI unit to interact with a FLOPSE unit. Especially considering that he is a monster.

**CABBAGE MAN:** Will basically ignore any CABBAGE MAN units. But somehow at least the king of Omashu is approachable to them.

**SOKKA:** Just your average victim of your BUMI unit's pranks.

**KATARA:** Again just your average victim of your BUMI unit's pranks.

**AZULA:** Will use your BUMI unit in a hostage trade to get a TOM TOM unit back until she realizes that it is not a fair trade.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your BUMI unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and remember to comb his armpit hair.

-

**Energy:**

Because bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that he is fed thrice daily. His favorite food is skinless chicken.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Originally when I got my BUMI unit, the FLOPSIE unit accessory wasn't included so I complained and I was told you guys would send me one in two weeks. I saw my BUMI unit carry home a rabbit with him only a week later; is this the FLOPSIE unit I was promised?

A: No it's not; your BUMI unit was just getting ready for his missing FLOPSIE unit's return by getting him some gorilla-goat food.

Q: My BUMI unit was locked up inside his box by the Fire Nation and he won't do anything to get himself out. Why is that?

A: That is because he is using neutral jing; in other words he is just surrendering so he can live to fight another day.

Q: My BUMI unit won't stop messing with people; what should I do?

A: There is nothing you can do; so just deal with it.

Q: How does my BUMI know the other OWL members?

A: Don't be silly all old people know each other!

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You don't care that your BUMI unit is using neutral jing and waiting for an eclipse; you just want him out of that box.

Solution: If you can't wait for an eclipse get you and your friends to stick some pentapuses to your body wherever your skin is exposed to make it look like you have pentipox. Next just walk right up the guards and act like a bunch of zombies. This will scare them off and you can free your BUMI unit.

Problem: You put one of those creeping crystal rings on your finger and it started to grow and it's getting out of control.

Solution: Do not worry that crystal is just rock candy so all you will have to do is eat it. If you are a diabetic you will need to get your BUMI unit to help you out.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your BUMI unit should remain the most powerful earthbender in the world, maintain power in Omashu, and maybe even successfully help take back Ba Sing Sei.

* * *

i Even though Omashu is practically dead center in the Southwestern Earth Kingdom the clothes and architecture in Omashu is unique. And does not resemble the styles found in the Southern and Western Earth Kingdom.

ii All credit for this joke goes to Gan Xingba on You Tube.


	5. Cabbage Man

This fanfic was originally published on December 12, 2007

* * *

As a side note I would like to say that doing Cabbage Man is a borderline character for me on weather or not I will do it. So no matter how much you ask I will not do "Foaming at the Mouth Guy" because he had even less screen time and character appearances. I only considered doing one for him because of the sheer number of requests.

* * *

**CABBAGE MAN: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated CABBAGE MAN unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Produce Merchant. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: CABBAGE MAN

Date of Manufacture: At least 50 years ago but the approximate date is unknown

Place of Manufacture: Omashu

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Omashuan) (i)

Height: About 5'3" We think

Weight: He is just too busy trying to sell cabbages to allow us to weigh him.

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**Your** **CABBAGE MAN unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit

One (1) Hat for pulling down on when he yells "My cabbages!"

One (1) Cart full of cabbages

One (1) Cabbage slug

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**Programming:**

Your CABBAGE MAN unit is not a versatile unit, considering that he only sells cabbages and no other fruits or vegetables.

**Produce Merchant: **(Default Program) This merchant only sells cabbages and nothing else. Why he never invests in other produce sales is unclear.

**Cabbage Fondler:** Almost as disturbing as it sounds.

**Hat Yanker:** This program activates whenever his cabbages are destroyed and he yells "My cabbages!"

-

**Your CABBAGE MAN unit has five (5) settings:**

**Happy: **Whenever your CABBAGE MAN unit gets a hold of some fresh cabbages to sell and nothing has happened to them yet. This setting allows the Cabbage Fondler program to activate.

**Upset: **Whenever something happens to his cabbages.

**Mortified:** Whenever something happens to his cabbages and his cart is destroyed.

**Angry:** Whenever he demands justice for the destruction of his cabbages and or his cart.

**Depressed/Sad:** If his cabbages are repeatedly destroyed in a short period of time your CABBAGE MAN unit will give up and not even bother screaming "My cabbages!" and will be later seen crying to himself.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your CABBAGE MAN unit has not had much interactions documented so we don't know if your CABBAGE MAN unit is friendly or not but these are the known few.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **Whenever this unit comes into contact with him, rest assured that his cabbages will be destroyed. AANG units are cursed and are usually the cause of your CABBAGE MAN unit's produce and or cart getting destroyed. If your CABBAGE MAN unit outlives an AANG unit by at least 16 years at the latest possible amount of time; rest assured that the next avatar will probably destroy his cabbages as well.

**BA SING SEI BUREAUCRAT:** This unit will not allow him to enter Ba Sing Sei with his cabbages because of the cabbage slug problem. She will even go so far as to destroy them by unleashing a platypus-bear on them.

**(KING) BUMI:** Will basically ignore your CABBAGE MAN unit. But somehow at least the king of Omashu is approachable to him.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your CABBAGE MAN unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since peddling around a cart full of produce and screaming "My cabbages!" uses up a lot of chi make sure that he is fed thrice daily; quite often with his own cabbages.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that his cabbages are always getting destroyed?

A: We don't really know. All we can say for sure is that our CABBAGE MAN units have incredibly bad luck.

Q: You said that it wouldn't be another 16 years before I would have to worry about the next avatar destroying my CABBAGE MAN unit's cabbages. So why is it I have some kid constantly destroying them?

A: We said at least 16 years at the latest. And that is if the next avatar (water) discovers that he/she is the Avatar at the age that most avatars typically find out and would then move to the Earth Kingdom to learn earthbending. This does not take into account if he/she finds out early or worse if that water avatar dies before then during early childhood. Then the Avatar after that will be an earth avatar and will be capable of destroying your CABBAGE MAN unit's cabbages (due to access) as soon as he/she can walk.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your CABBAGE MAN unit has had his cart and cabbages destroyed yet again.

Solution: Unfortunately all you can do is to try to keep any AANG units away from him, buy/build him another cart, and get new cabbages.

Problem: Your CABBAGE MAN unit has torn his hat from pulling it down over his face so many times.

Solution: We will sell you a replacement hat for just §69.99.

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With proper care and maintenance, your CABBAGE MAN unit should be able to sell his cabbages without having them being destroyed all the time.

* * *

i Even though Omashu is practically dead center in the Southwestern Earth Kingdom the clothes and architecture in Omashu is unique. And does not resemble the styles found in the Southern and Western Earth Kingdom.


	6. Combustion Man

This fanfic was originally published on June 25, 2008.

* * *

On December 14, 2007 we discontinued the sale of new COMBUSTION MAN units in Canada; with Argentina and Brazil following suit in the following months. On July 14, 2008 we plan on stopping the production of COMBUSTION MAN units in its entirety. Why such incompetence from our executives to getting around to this discontinuation after being banned in 3 countries remains a mystery. The reason for this discontinuation has been due to several problems and defects regarding the entire line of our COMBUSTION MAN units. The first and for most problem was that COMBUSTION MAN units would spontaneously self-destruct due to a critical design flaw in the forehead. Also that 19 percent of our COMBUSTION MAN units' hard drives would fail to recognize his sound card being installed no matter what you did with it; just to name a few. However the good news is that we are practically giving these away. Seriously we really need the storage space.

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**COMBUSTION MAN: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated COMBUSTION MAN unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Assassin, and Weird Laser Shooting Firebender. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: COMBUSTION MAN

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 30 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Unknown but the Fire Nation Capital is the most likely place.

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 7'0"

Weight: Heavy and that is all we know because our COMBUSTION MAN units keep blowing up the scale.

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**Your COMBUSTION MAN unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Prosthetic arm

One (1) Prosthetic leg

One (1) Fire Nation outfit

One (1) Raven Eagle

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**Programming:**

Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is a fairly versatile unit. With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks; getting him to stop is another matter entirely.

**WARNING:** Some COMBUSTION MAN unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Assassin: **(Default Program) Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is good at what he does and even better at keeping secrets. In short he is the perfect hit man that won't rat you out.

**CAUTION:** We are not responsible for any collateral damage he causes while using this program.

**WARNING:** We are not responsible for any innocent bystander that gets killed/injured and/or if he refuses to stop.

**(Avatar) Tracker: **Your COMBUSTION MAN can find just about anyone that exists such as AANG units for instance. We are not entirely sure on how he does some of his things (it could be that he is just very lucky to be at the right place at the right time quite often) but we know that his is willing to go to any lengths to find who he is looking for. He is even willing to go through/steal people's mail and bribe corrupt mayors and police chiefs.

**Firebender: **Unlike other firebenders your COMBUSTION MAN unit uses his firebending as a laser that he shoots though is imaginary third eye that is tattooed to his forehead. So his firebending uses can be a bit more limited.

**WARNING:** Do not use for lasik eye surgery or for hair/nail removal.

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**Your COMBUSTION MAN unit has three (3) settings:**

**WARNING: **COMBUSTION MAN units can be highly unstable and are not user friendly.

**Neutral/Cold Blooded: **(Default Setting) Your COMBUSTION MAN unit will hardly show any signs of emotion most of the time since he usually kills in cold blood.

**Annoyed:** When his victims escape from him, he just spent a lot of money bribing people, or someone gets in his way when he is attacking people.

**Angry:** Usually simultaneously with annoyed setting. When it is not it is usually from getting hit hard; particularly on the forehead.

**WARNING:** If he is on this setting he will not stop assassinating people if he is right in the middle of an attempt no matter what you do and will basically be unmanageable.

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**Relations with other units: **Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only his raven eagle.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO:** Version 3.0 will hire your COMBUSTION MAN unit to kill an AANG unit so he can stay home, make out with MAI units, and not look suspicious that he knows that the Avatar is still alive. ZUKO Version 3.5 however will get in your COMBUSTION MAN unit's way in order to prevent that. He is willing to go so far as to offer to pay him double just to stop after your COMBUSTION MAN unit beats the crap out of him.

**THE GAANG:** Interactions only vary slightly in that he is more focused on killing AANG units than KATARA, SOKKA, TOPH, APPA, or MOMO units and that he will use at least one of them as bait if they are not with an AANG unit. He will try to kill all of them if they are together. Getting his ass handed to him and getting away will send him into angry mode.

**COMBUSTION MAN'S Raven Eagle:** The most compatible unit with your COMBUSTION MAN unit. This raven eagle is trained to intercept mail and attack messenger hawks and carrier pigeons delivering messages. Interestingly enough, he treats his bird the very same way as the messenger hawks and carrier pigeons that his bird attacks are treated.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry (he might get hit on the forehead), do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. We have absolutely no idea what sort of food he likes.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why would COMBUSTION MAN continue to attack the Avatar after being paid double to stop?

A: Probably because he is aware that people know that the Avatar is alive and has a bounty on his head again. We think that he agreed to work for a ZUKO unit because of the lack of competition. The reward may very well be much greater than what that ZUKO unit was paying him. That or he loses focus on what goes on around him when in the middle of an assassination.

Q: About the critical design flaw in my COMBUSTION MAN unit's forehead. The other day I accidentally hit my COMBUSTION MAN unit on the forehead with a frying pan when I was washing dishes and nothing happened to him. So then what is wrong with it; because I can't see anything?

A: Other than it causes him more pain when he is hit there than the average person, he will be fine as long as he doesn't firebend shortly afterwards. The problem is that it if he is hit, it will mess up his firebending and can make him blow up.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my COMBUSTION MAN unit?

A: Even though we will discontinue our COMBUSTION MAN units we will still make spare parts and accessories for him until January 1, 2010. After that once we run out of new parts in storage you will have to get used parts that have been cannibalized from other COMBUSTION MAN units or get custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

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Problem: Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is not talking and you think you might have one of the defective ones that have sound card recognition issues but are unsure.

Solution: Part of what makes it difficult to tell that a COMBUSTION MAN unit's sound card works is the fact that they are mute and very quiet. In fact it is quite possible that less than 19 percent have a defective hard drive due to too many customers misdiagnosing the problem. The best method to test this is to flick him on the forehead and see if he cries out in pain. If he indeed doesn't make any sound you can either send him back and exchange him for one that works or get some of your money back if you wish to keep him.

**IMPORTANT:** Before you flick him make sure that he doesn't intend to firebend for awhile or he might blow himself up.

Problem: Your COMBUSTION MAN unit is blowing up the place and causing massive damage trying to assassinate someone.

Solution: First try offering him more money than what has been offered to him to assassinate that person he is trying to kill; if that doesn't work get either a SWAT team to either destroy or tranquilize him or a SOKKA unit to throw his boomerang at his forehead to knock him out. If you take the SOKKA option you might want to spring out of your hiding place and tranquilize him yourself to prevent your COMBUSTION MAN unit from blowing himself up. Then keep him on low doses of tranquilizers until he calms down.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your COMBUSTION MAN unit should be able to continue successfully assassinating people and not get blown up.


	7. Hakoda

This fanfic was originally published on May 8, 2008.

* * *

**HAKODA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated HAKODA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Warrior, Leader of the Southern Water Tribe Warriors, Weapons Maker, and Igloo Builder. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: HAKODA

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 35 years ago

Place of Manufacture: South Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (South)

Height: About 5'11"

Weight: Is too busy planning the next invasion

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**Your HAKODA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Huge cleaver-like machete

One (1) Club

One (1) Water Tribe outfit

One (1) Parka

Two (2) Knee pads

One (1) Right arm guard

One (1) Tangle mine

One (1) Ship

One (1) Tent

One (1) World map

One (1) Gas mask (it's unclear how a starfish can keep out knockout gas)

One (1) Fire Nation solder disguise (will somehow make his dreadlocks magically disappear)

One (1) Water Tribe armor

One (1) Eclipse goggles

One (1) Boiling Rock prison uniform (male)

One (1) Pair of handcuffs (not the fuzzy kind people)

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**Programming:**

Your HAKODA unit is a highly versatile unit being a highly skilled warrior and strategist.

**Warrior:** (Default Program)All HAKODA units can fight using two (2) kinds of weapons he has in addition to skillfully fighting with his own opponents' spears.

**Idea/Plan Guy: **May work in conjunction with Water Tribe "Chief". Need to start a riot or overthrow a government? Your HAKODA unit is just the man for the job.

**CAUTION:** Is nearly ineffective on starting prison riots.

**Water Tribe "Chief":** Given the fact that there is not much left of the Southern Water Tribe and the fact the original chief was probably killed in a raid and he just happened to be available to fill in the roll; his position is nowhere nearly as prestigious as (CHIEF) ARNOOK units are. However if it weren't for the fact that HAKODA units are basically the Water Tribe equivalent of a general he would have never gotten this position. This program can be used to plan invasions and motivate people.

**Weapons Maker:** Can make some kick ass weapons. He already has the coolest club and machete so it is no surprise there.

**Igloo Builder: **Well according to nick(dot)com he is; we swear! This winter be the envy of all your friends with your awesome igloo that your HAKODA unit has built.

**Hunter/Fisherman: **Well just about everyone in the Southern Water Tribe is one since the food is not going to catch itself. Unlike SOKKA units, HAKODA units have more experience and are less clumsy; so you are not as likely to get two (2) fishing hooks stuck in your HAKODA unit's thumb or have him stuck in a hole somewhere.

-

**Your HAKODA unit has eight (8) settings:**

**Serious: **(Default Setting)When he is planning for something or explaining it or when in the heat of battle.

**Happy: **Activates whenever he is enjoying himself basically or when he gets reunited with his kids.

**Devilish: **Whenever he comes up with something sneaky like putting stinkfish in his tangle mines or starting prison riot.

**WARNING: **This is a potentially bad combination with BATO units.

**Concerned: **Whenever he worries about something. Typically when he is injured or something is out of his hands.

**Angry:** Usually triggered from interactions with the warden from the Boiling Rock prison; otherwise he is a pretty normal guy when it comes to the activation of this setting.

**Surprise:** When something unexpected occurs or sees an APPA unit flying around for the first time.

**Sad:** When and if his relationship with a KATARA unit becomes cold and distant to the point where she is always acting like a bitch when around him.

**Weirded Out:** When a HUU unit clams that pants are an illusion or finding out that a ZUKO unit has switched sides.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your HAKODA unit is fairly easygoing in most situations and will get along with many AtLA units.

**SOKKA:** This is one of your HAKODA unit's offspring and the one that aspires to be like your HAKODA unit. Because of this in part, HAKODA units are more compatible with SOKKA units than they are with KATARA units even though HAKODA units have been known to push aside SOKKA units.

**KATARA:** This is your HAKODA unit's other offspring. Interactions towards HAKODA units will become cold if separated for too long. Because of this in part, SOKKA units are more compatible with HAKODA units than they are with KATARA units.

**CAUTION:** Try to avoid a long separation from KATARA units.

**BATO:** When these two units were younger they would pull pranks and cause all kinds of mischief. Will get along with BATO units right from the get go as these two are close friends.

**WARNING: **This is a potentially bad combination with his devilish setting.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **Before these two units meet each other they will have most likely heard a lot about them and will be happy to meet each other until a KATARA unit breaks the mood.

**WARDEN:(**i**)** Possibly the least compatible unit with your HAKODA unit. Your HAKODA unit does not want to follow everything he says and would rather look at his shoes than look him in the eye. An interaction may end with a WARDEN unit stupidly tripping over your HAKODA unit.

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**Cleaning:**

Your HAKODA unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since running around and fighting uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How is it that my HAKODA unit's shrapnel wound looks more like a bear mauled him?

A: For some odd reason when a HAKODA unit gets a shrapnel wound it usually ends up looking more like a wild animal has mauled him. However one theory suggests that one type of bomb that the Fire Nation uses is a BOSCO bomb.

Q: You said that HAKODA is the chief right? So does that mean that KATARA units are suitable enough to marry ZUKO units?

A: Dear God… Not another serious Zutara shipper that we have to answer this question to!(ii) No unfortunately, and we have already stated that HAKODA units are filling in the job since there is no chief in the Southern Water tribe otherwise both SOKKA and KATARA units wouldn't be regarded as peasants. So either he has yet to truly earn the title of chief or he is just a temporary chief until they can find someone else that isn't a peasant. Then again the Southern Water Tribe just might not hold their chief in such high regard compared to the Northern Water Tribe to begin with.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You can't get your HAKODA unit to start a prison riot because he seems to have an unintentional knack for finding the one guy that's successfully learning to control his anger to start the riot with.

Solution: You will need to get a CHIT SANG unit to show him how it's done. However we are uncertain as to whether or not if your HAKODA unit we be able to easily lift a person over his head.

Problem: You, the manager/owner of a public pool/beach stupidly decided to use your HAKODA unit's tangle mine as a buoy and it broke.

Solution: We apologize for a failure on our part to see that our some customers could not have enough common sense to not use a mine as a buoy. We knew that there might be some odor issues and a made a special stinkfish deodorizer that we would normally sell at §50.00 incase it went off. But because of this failure to specifically warn people not to use it as a buoy; we will sell it to you at half price (§25.00 since you are probably too stupid to do the math anyway) until we change our contract to include liability protection for this. Unfortunately while you can technically sue us for this if it weren't for tort reform; you can easily be sued for over someone getting tangled in the seaweed and drowning and/or jamming up someone else's boat engine.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your HAKODA unit should continue to be a great warrior.

* * *

i AN: Damn I really wish this guy's name was known! There have been 3 different Fire Nation prison wardens and only one of them has a name; it can get so confusing. Oh well I guess I could just give him the nickname Tang seeing as the one from the prison that Iroh was being kept at had the name Poon.

ii AN: Seriously you Zutarians that think this ship will actually happen drive me nuts and have nearly turned me completely off to this pairing with all those mushy fanfics and fanart. The only way that I can possibly find this pairing even remotely enjoyable now is when its either a crack pairing or as a dark fic. And I'm not talking about just a little bit dark; I'm talking about a "it's pretty much the end of the world, Aang is dead, and Zuko is a rapist in about a 3rd of them" dark fic.


	8. Hama

AN: I originally had spelled Hama's name as Hamma; but decided to change it. I am still going to spell the character's name June as Jun though. And on a related note I'm not going to change the spelling of Ba Sing Se/Sei in all my chapters; even though in another fanfic I have it spelled as Ba Sing Se. Because it would be too much of a hassle

* * *

This fanfic was originally published on December 31, 2007.

* * *

**HAMA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated HAMA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Waterbender, Bloodbender, and Witch. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**WARNING:** Not available for sale in the Fire Nation for obvious reasons. If you are a Fire Nation citizen living in the Earth Kingdom we strongly advise that you do not buy this unit unless your are willing to move out of your colony and give up your national identity. Also you might want to make sure that only your most annoying relatives are still alive incase they come over for a visit unannounced, during a full moon.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: HAMA

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 80 years ago

Place of Manufacture: South Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (South)

Height: Depending on what convince store she is leaving it's anywhere between 4'11" to 5'3" (i) (Sorry I couldn't resist the Ron White joke.)

Weight: About 110 lb but we don't know for sure because an IROH unit may have damaged the scale before we could weigh her.

-

**Your HAMA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Water Tribe outfit (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Parka (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Fire Nation outfit

One (1) Shawl

One (1) Whale tooth comb (her most prized possession)

One (1) Box for storing her whale tooth comb

Four (4) Puppets, presumably with water compartments in the limbs for practicing bloodbending

-

Your HAMA unit is a reasonably versatile unit (overall due to old age) being a master waterbender with rare techniques; and she even invented bloodbending. Not only that but she is a really good cook.

**WARNING:** Some HAMA unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Waterbender:** (Default Program) Is a multipurpose bending art that can be used for a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to cutting through solid objects at high velocities. Wherever there is water in some shape or form she will find it; so you might not have to buy your HAMA unit something to carry water in.

**Bloodbender:** This is a very freaky form of waterbending that can only be used during a full moon. This technique moves the water inside a body to get it to move and do whatever you want it to do.

**CAUTION:** Your HAMA unit might decide to practice/demonstrate this move on you.

**CAUTION 2:** We are in no way responsible if watching your HAMA unit do warm-ups on her own veins makes you throw-up.

**WARNING:** When there is going to be a full moon we strongly recommend that you warn as many Fire Nation citizens as possible within a 5 mile radius ahead of time to avoid a potential lawsuit.

**Waterbender Teacher: **Your HAMA unit knows very advanced waterbending techniques like taking moisture out of thin air or plants, for example. You can use this program for teaching KATARA units techniques few people can do or even thought about doing for that matter.

**WARNING:** Your HAMA unit might kill the grass in your yard or the plants in your garden even firelilies (her favorite flower) aren't safe.

**Bloodbending Teacher: **Because she invented bloodbending your HAMA unit will need to teach someone this or it will be a lost art for who knows how long. KATARA units are the perfect candidate. Once she has passed down this knowledge to someone, your HAMA unit can die happy.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible for any psychological damage teaching a KATARA unit this technique might cause and or if you're killed by your/a HAMA unit in the process if you're nearby.

**Cook:** Your HAMA unit is a really good cook and can make due when it comes to substituting ingredients. This is the only program that is safe to use. Don't be alarmed if you suddenly find different kinds of seaweed in your refrigerator; because it's edible. (ii)

**Torturer: **All HAMA units love to torture Fire Nation citizens (even civilians) but with the right coaxing you can get her to torture other people. We believe that she is so good at torture that we find it highly suspicious (and disturbing) that only a few weeks after HAMA units were released for sale in the U.S. of A. that the U.S. government suddenly became interested in water-boarding.

-

**Your HAMA unit has six (6) settings:**

**Sweet Old Lady: **(Default setting) When you first meet her she will seem very sincere and kind. (Don't let this fool you later on.) You might start to think of her as either a 3rd grandma, the grandma you wished you had, or the grandma you never had.

**Weird:** Whenever she is up to something suspicious.

**Creepy:** Whenever she is showing off her unusual warterbending moves there is something that isn't quite right about her.

**Bitter:** Whenever she remembers what happed to her a number of decades ago.

**Insane Maniac/Witch:** Whenever she is using her bloodbending and or torturing someone.

**Happy:** Usually simultaneously with either sweet old lady, weird, or insane maniac/witch settings.

-

**Relations with other units: **Unless she is on her sweet old lady setting your HAMA unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only a few other units.

**KATARA:** Being the first southern waterbender in 60 years your HAMA unit will instantly adore this unit as soon as she finds out. Your HAMA will insist on teaching KATARA units all of her techniques she discovered to the point of using force.

**WARNING:** prolonged interactions will definitely trigger creepy mode and or maybe insane maniac/witch mode.

**SOKKA:** This unit can easily tell that there is something a bit off about your HAMA unit and will try to investigate it.

**WARNING:** Your HAMA unit might kill a SOKKA unit that gets too nosey.

**(AVATAR) AANG**: Little direct interactions have been documented; but we believe they will tolerate each other as long as AANG units don't know about what happened to any missing people in the area. Because your HAMA unit hates the Fire Nation so much, it is safe for AANG Version 3.0 to reveal that he is the Avatar to her. However if she is bloodbending while on insane maniac/witch setting she might forget that little detail and kill an AANG unit.

**TOPH BEI FONG:** Be absolutely certain that your HAMA unit isn't keeping people locked up in a nearby dungeon before allowing these two units to come into contact with each other. Because a TOPH unit will almost certainly find out with her advanced hearing, ground vibration sensing, and the ability to detect lies.

**MR. YAO:** This unit is infatuated with HAMMA units. Use this to your advantage and get your HAMA unit to use her "womanly charm" to get free or discounted komodo sausages out of him.

**WARNING:** Do not allow any MR. YAO units to get into a serious romantic relationship with your HAMA unit since they are Fire Nation citizens; or else one could end up getting tortured.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your HAMA unit is fully capable of cleaning herself and being a waterbender she is even capable of cleaning in places we don't even want to think about. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy: **

Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that she is fed thrice daily and given dietary calcium supplements so her osteoporosis doesn't get worse.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why didn't the Fire Nation just kill the waterbenders? What the hell happened to their genocidal mentality 40 years into the war?

A: We have a theory that it actually took 40 years (and not just a few days because only the air temples were targeted during Sozin's Comet) to completely wipe out the Air Nomads; all of which were airbenders. Also we believe which tribe the next water avatar is born into goes back and fourth. (The last one was from the Northern Water Tribe.) So of course it made sense to capture every waterbender in the Southern Water Tribe since any one of them under 40 might be the Avatar. They probably realized that they couldn't possibly kill everyone in the Earth Kingdom in one lifetime, and then there is that fire avatar problem… (iii)

Q: If sweat and blood can be bended then does that mean that urine as well as other unmentionable body fluids can also be bended by my HAMA unit?

A: Yes it can. Though why our HAMA units couldn't have figured this out (those poor guards) and escaped from prison a lot sooner is beyond us.

Q: My HAMA unit won't stop capturing and torturing people. I don't want her to go to jail; what should I do?

A: All we can say is you're screwed.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You are a Fire Nation citizen and you want to get rid of some of annoying relatives or other annoying people you grew up around but you haven't told your HAMA unit that your are one yet and don't know how to bring up the subject.

Solution: We strongly recommend that you do confess to her even if you don't want to get rid of anyone. It will be just a matter of time until she finds out. First make sure that it's a new moon; when waterbenders are at their weakest. (Though doing this at just about any other time of the month not during a full moon or a near full moon will work too.) Next make sure she is on her sweet old lady setting. Then slowly bring up the subject of people from the Fire Nation becoming traitors. Now you can tell her you are one of those people that haven't been caught so far; even if it is not true. Hopefully she will sympathize with you having to hide your identity in order to survive. Next you can tell her about those annoying people.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your HAMA unit should (hopefully) not torture any Fire Nation civilians and successfully teach a KATARA unit bloodbending.

* * *

i When I went through screen shots of "The Puppet Master" to get a height estimate I noticed that as the episode progressed that Hama kept getting shorter and shorter. Talk about progressive osteoporosis!

ii Those ocean cumquats resembled seaweed, so I'm guessing sea prunes are also a type of kelp.

iii That would explain why the Fire Nation has repeatedly attacked the Southern Water Tribe for the past 60 years, while they have only attacked the Northern Water Tribe twice in 100 years.


	9. Haru

This fanfic was originally published on January 23, 2008.

* * *

**HARU: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated HARU unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Earthbender. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: HARU

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 15 years ago (exact date has yet to be determined)

Place of Manufacture: Unnamed mining village

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Southwestern) (i)

Height: About 5'7" (version 1.0) 5'8" (version 2.0)

Weight: We don't know what it is because he accidentally dropped a bolder on the scale and crushed it when he was caught earthbending before we could weigh him.

-

**Your HARU unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit

One (1) Bottle of Sexyfine shampoo (ii)

One (1) Gym outfit (Limited edition chibi version only)

One (1) Prison uniform/jersey or whatever the hell it's called (it just goes over his regular clothes is what we are trying to say) (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Earth Kingdom uniform (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Eclipse goggles (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Fugly moustache (version 2.0 only)

-

**Programming:**

Your HARU unit is a fairly versatile unit being an intermediate earthbender with a lot of potential for improvement. With each upgrade he will become even more versatile.

**Earthbender:** (Default program) Your HARU unit is a somewhat great earthbender with a lot of talent; he can use this ability for a wide range of things from clearing out collapsed mines to hurling rocks at people.

**Earth Kingdom Solder/Freedom Fighter: **Somewhat like JET units, your HARU unit will fight off the Fire Nation occupation in his village and be an ally of the gaang when the time comes to invade the Fire Nation as an Earth Kingdom solder.

**Babysitter:** Good for babysitting younger AtLA units like TEO and THE DUKE; he will find ways to keep them busy.

-

**Your HARU unit has five (5) settings:**

**Coward:** (Default Setting in version 1.0) At first your HARU unit will be a timid unit that is too afraid to earthbend or do any resistance of any kind toward an oppressive regime.

**Happy:** When a TYRO unit gets busted out of jail, he expels Fire Nation solders from his village, is exploring the Western Air Temple, or just enjoying himself is when he is in happy mode.

**Angry: **Will usually be directed towards the Fire Nation in general.

**Surprise:** When someone catches your HARU unit secretly earthbending or gets arrested is when it will usually be activated.

**Sad:** Whenever he misses an imprisoned TYRO unit

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your HARU unit is a pretty friendly unit. Please note that in version 1.0 he might become nervous around you and other units if you/they are doing something too risky for his liking.

**TYRO:** This is the paternal unit of your HARU unit who he looks up to and admires. When he is not in jail/concentration camp he can be of aid to your HARU unit when it comes to fighting Fire Nation solders.

**HARU'S MOM:** Your basic "Where the hell have you been?" worried type of mom.

**KATARA: **Your HARU unit will attract KATARA units with his impressive earthbending and good looks. Even though romantic feelings will be one sided (unless you have the limited edition chibi version) your HARU unit will still be able to sympathize with a KATARA unit in a platonic way of course. It is recommended that you make sure that if you have a HARU Version 1.0 that he has prolonged interactions with KATARA units to get over his cowardice.

**WARNING:** Interactions may cause your HARU unit to get arrested.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** Would like to show your HARU unit around the Western Air Temple if he had the time for it. This unit will help bust your HARU unit out of prison when and if he gets arrested.

**TEO: **Will explore the Western Air Temple with your HARU unit (with poor breaks!) so he can be conveniently/inconveniently somewhere else when you don't really need your HARU unit around or could use him depending on the situation.

**THE DUKE:** Similar to TEO interactions; THE DUKE units will come along and explore the Western Air Temple with your HARU unit. A THE DUKE unit will become angry when a HARU unit just calls him Duke.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your HARU unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily.

-

**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading HARU units is a hassle it will cost §150.00 for the upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to HARU Version 2.0 first you must get him to save an old man's life from a collapsing mine shaft. This ungrateful bastard will rat him out to the occupying Fire Nation solders on being an earthbender. Next get a KATARA and an AANG unit to bust out both your HARU unit and a TYRO unit; this jailbreak will revive these two units' courage and make an effort to drive out the Fire Nation occupation in their village. When that task has been completed your HARU unit should be available to be of aid in the invasion on the Day of Black Sun and be finished with upgrading process.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that I can't get my HARU unit romantically involved with a KATARA unit?

A: While we highly doubt that your HARU unit will ever say something along the lines of "That's a fabulous necklace you're wearing!" in a stereotypical way to a KATARA unit; we have long speculated that our HARU units are gay and have yet to come out of the closet. However, if you happen to own a chibi version HARU this shouldn't be a problem on his part.

Q: Where can I get another bottle of sexyfine and at what price?

A: They are sold at Fire Mart, Bumi's Club, and BSS pharmacy. And it only costs §199.99 after a mail in rebate, Haru Hair Club Card discount, and sacrifice of first born child.

Q: Just how was my HARU unit able to drive out all the Fire Nation solders in his village? Didn't the Fire Nation solders outnumber the local fighting force 10 to 1 when they took over?

A: We believe this is due to one of two theories or a combination of the two. Theory number 1 is when the coal mine collapsed it lost its strategic value and wasn't worth fighting for. Theory number 2 is that the Fire Nation takes a Napoleonic approach to world conquest (It would certainly explain why this war has gone on for 100 years.) and have spread out their forces too thin in already conquered areas so they can go and conquer regions that are not under their control. This leaves them vulnerable to resistance groups taking back their land. (iii)

Q: Ever since I got my HARU unit he had been very useful until a few days after I got a(n) (AANG, KATARA, SOKKA, TOPH, and/or ZUKO) unit(s). Now he rarely ever does anything useful; what is wrong with him?

A: This is due to the main character AtLA units having a spotlight hog program that prevents minor characters to do a whole lot of useful things after being around them for several days straight. Fortunately if you get attacked he will still protect you if you're nearby by digging a tunnel to escape.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your HARU unit is never around when you need him.

Solution: Solution just make him ditch any nearby TEO and THE DUKE units.

Problem: Your HARU unit refuses to earthbend.

Solution: Convince your HARU unit that no one else is around. If that doesn't work, smack some sense into your HARU unit especially if there are no Fire Nation solders anywhere within a 50 mile radius.

Problem: You just can't stand your HARU Version 2.0's ugly moustache and want to get rid of it.

Solution: The next time your HARU unit is sound asleep shave it off. This will require either a very steady hand or a really quiet electric razor. If you are worried about your HARU unit being a stomach sleeper don't be; because we are almost certain that during his time spent in prison his dad taught him how to sleep on his back. So HARU Version 2.0 units will most likely sleep on their backs; even if in fact your HARU unit is gay.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your HARU unit should become a great earthbender and a possible war hero.

* * *

i Because there are so many different cultures in the Earth Kingdom and because it is difficult to figure out what Earth Kingdom culture Haru is from, I had to go by location and what kind of clothes the people wear. Even though Haru's village isn't all that southerly I put southwestern since I have noticed that the clothes are similar to what some of the people in Gaoling wear.

ii All credit for Sexyfine goes to Gan Xingba on You Tube.

iii Holy crap; I was right about theory #2!


	10. Iroh

As a side note I would like to think mildura for reminding me that I forgot Iroh's tea sets; somehow it slipped my mind when I was writing it even though I had planed on having them in there when I thought about it. And most importantly of all I'd like to think Sayle, TheTwilightRurouni, and Stupid is as Lana Does for pointing out that Iroh can create his own lighting. Somehow I got it in my head that Iroh can only redirect lighting when I forgot all about the scene where he does a demonstration. (Now I can't get the mental image of Iroh electrocuting his own nephew while teaching him how to redirect lightning.) This is what happens when Nick doesn't air reruns enough. Looks like I will have to go through more screen captures in the future.

This fanfic was originally published on December 14, 2007.

* * *

**IROH: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated IROH unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Guardian, and Dragon of the West. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: (UNCLE) IROH also (GENERAL) IROH and (PRINCE) IROH

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 60 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'4"

Weight: Very Heavy

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**Your IROH unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Standard issue XL Fire Nation uniform (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Pai sho game set

Various Tea sets; the number and type depends on what IROH version you got

One (1) Fan (don't ask) (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Tsungi horn (versions 1.0 and 3.5 only)

One (1) Cloak for cold climates (version 1.0 only)

One (1) ZUKO unit with separate owner's manual (this is a 2 for one deal) (Does not come with versions 3.0 and up)

Two (2) Earth Kingdom refugee outfits (version 2.0 only)

Three (3) Ba Sing Sei outfits; one (1) lower/middle ring and two (2) upper ring (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Liuquin (Or is it a yue qin?) (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Prisoner outfit (version 3.0 only)

One (1) Tent for "old people camp" (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Futon (version 3.5 only)

One (1) PJs (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Fancy Ba Sing Sei outfit just exactly like one of the ones that come with version 2.0. (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Order of the White Lotus outfit (version 3.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your IROH unit may be old but he is still a reasonably versatile unit (though it may not seem like it at first). With each up grade he will become even more versatile.

**Guidance Counselor:** (Default Program) In his many years of life he has acquired a lot of wisdom that he will freely share with you and your ZUKO unit. This program is important for aiding in the management of your ZUKO unit.

**Firebender: **Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**Arsonist: **Well your IROH unit is a firebender enough said.

**Lightningbender:** Out of all of the lightningbenders only a known three units can actually create their own lighting. Your IROH unit being one of them. Please note that it takes him a few seconds to get a good charge.

**Firebender Teacher: **This unit is a master firebender and can teach your ZUKO (versions 1.0 and 2.0) advanced firebending techniques.

**Tea Maker:** Being a tea aficionado he knows how to make a really good cup of tea.

**Musician:** Your IROH unit can expertly play two (2) different instruments, a tsungi horn and a liuquin**. **He is even a pretty decent singer.

**WARNING: **Do not force your IROH unit to sing at sword-point or he will purposely sing off key to get you to stop.

**Houdini:** Somehow IROH units can break in and out of seemingly impossible places like Ba Sing Sei's most outer wall or a Fire Nation prison.

**Order of the White Lotus Member:** Your IROH unit is a part of a centuries old secret society that believes in philosophy and beauty and is against the war. Along side 4 other OWL members (the other 2 are actually Fire Nation citizens as well) he will try conquer Ba Sing Sei again but for a different reason.

-

**Your IROH unit has six (6) settings:**

**Calm:** (Default Setting) While your IROH unit may not have always have been this way, the discontinuation of our LU TEN units and old age has made him want to live a quiet life. Because of this your IROH unit will try to remain calm as much as possible.

**Happy: **Activates whenever he is either enjoying himself, if he just tricked someone, or is just messing with a ZUKO unit.

**Sad: **Usually activated every time he remembers any LU TEN units or a ZUKO unit has severely disappointed him.

**Angry:** (Level 1 Lock) Will activate when someone does something really horrible. Or if he has finally lost his patients with your ZUKO unit.

**CAUTION:** May become angry if you give him really bad tea.

**Worried:** Usually over a ZUKO unit.

**Playboy:** It seems that IROH units like to use their charm to flirt with the ladies and fondle JUN units. His playboy setting can be useful when it comes to dealing with stubborn female bureaucrats that won't grant permission for anything.

**CAUTION:** Is only effective on old and middle-aged women.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your IROH unit is a very friendly unit and is compatible with many other units

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **This is the unit that your IROH unit looks out for. Because ZUKO units tend to make bad decisions on their own and are unstable; it is highly recommended that you have your IROH unit around for guidance. IROH units are almost always patient with ZUKO units no matter how much they are yelled at. Your IROH unit will mess with your ZUKO unit from time to time; but is still the most compatible unit. IROH units think of ZUKO units as being their own offspring ever since we discontinued our LU TEN units.

**Version 3.5:** A ZUKO Version 3.5 unit will have finally come to the conclusion that OZAI units never loved him and will never love him; he now realizes that your IROH unit has been more of a father to him and he really regrets letting them down. IROH units on the other hand will be actually be happy to see a ZUKO unit (version 3.5) again now that he has finally found his way.

**(FIRE LORD) OZAI: **Probably one of the least compatible units despite being the brother unit of your IROH unit. The reason why an OZAI unit is Fire Lord and not your IROH unit is because he stole the throne from him. While there are little direct interactions documented, it is clear that they have very different points of view.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **This unit scares the crap out of your IROH unit. Like her father, she also thinks that your IROH unit shouldn't have the throne.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **These two units actually enjoy talking to each other and because TOPH units are blind they will not recognize any IROH units as being their enemy if they are alone.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your IROH unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible if seeing him naked causes any psychological damage and or the desire to gore your eyes out.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily to fill his "vast ocean" of a stomach. While he would rather eat like a king (the fat happy kind) he will eat just about anything. His favorite foods are tea and komodo-chicken.

-

**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded however you may purchase pre-upgraded versions. But because upgrading IROH units is such a pain in the ass it will cost §250.00 extra per upgrade.

**WARNING:** Upgrades may cause your IROH unit lose nearly all of his possessions.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to IROH Version 2.0 first make sure that his nephew has committed a treasonous act against the Fire Nation, secretly rat him out and cut off his topknot.

**3.0 Upgrade:** This upgrade is a bit trickier; first get him a job in a Ba Sing Sei teahouse; he should be able to quickly get promoted and get the teahouse notoriety. This should attract the attention of an upper ring business owner to offer him a job working at one of his own teahouses. Your IROH unit's old boss will try to keep your IROH working for him by offering him the position of assistant manager, and his new boss will give him the opportunity to run his own teahouse to top off that last offer. This will cause your IROH and ZUKO units to move to the upper ring, and get spotted by a KATARA unit who will unintentionally tell the disguised Ozai's Angels about them. Your IROH unit is now busted.

**WARNING: **In this upgraded version, IROH units can only be in a Fire Nation prison and exercise all day. They will need the help of a MING unit for any tampering on the outside.

**3.5 Upgrade: **In order to upgrade to version 3.5 firs get your IROH unit to talk in code to a MING unit about assisting his escape. She will be more than happy to assist your IROH unit so he a pull a Houdini and escape.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How did my unarmed, undisguised, IROH unit manage to sneak into Lake Laogai's secret underground base undetected?

A: Whoa! Now that is freaky! However we are not too surprised considering he has a Houdini program.

Q: Am I going crazy? But I think that there is something a bit off about his voice ever since I upgraded to version 3.0. (Or) My Chibi IROH unit's voice seems different from the regular IROH units. Can you confirm this?

A: No you are not crazy. The reason why his voice is different is because the sound cards that come with the IROH versions 1.0 and 2.0 were not compatible with version 3.0 and up as well as our Limited Edition Chibi IROH. Unfortunately the original program for the original sound card was lost so it couldn't be fixed; therefore we had to make a whole new one. While it's not a perfect imitation of the original, it is only noticeable to the trained ear.

Q: Why is it that my IROH unit loses his white lotus tile far more often than he does with any other pai sho tiles?

A: That is because he is a member of the Order of the White Lotus and needs his white lotus tile and will often take it with him and leave the rest behind.

Q: Why would my IROH unit rather run a tea shop in Ba Sing Sei instead of being the Fire Lord and give that job to his nephew? Isn't the image of a son using the Avatar to seize power from his father just as bad as it would be from a brother seizing power from another brother? After all it was his right to rule that was taken from him in the first place.

A: Gee why would an IROH unit ever rather run a tea shop then be Fire Lord? I mean he gets to tell all the Fire Nation solders to go back home; and have fun diplomatic visits and meetings with the Earth King about what to about the already established Fire Nation colonies that could possibly end with thousands of people, if not millions, being forced to leave their homes even if they were born there. Lose valuable coal mines, run a damage control propaganda campaign, tear down or retro-fit nearly every statue of SOZIN, AZULON, and OZAI units, and deal with possible civil uprisings in from his own people who still support the war. We just can't imagine why. Psst! Don't tell any ZUKO units this.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your IROH unit has lost his white lotus tile from his pai sho set. And he seems so downtrodden about it.

Solution: Check all of his pockets that is where he has most likely displaced it. If you are unsuccessful go to the nearest flea market and help him find an extra white lotus tile so he will be able to get into Order of the White Lotus secret meetings.

Problem: Your IROH unit keeps poisoning himself with all these different plants he either ingests or rubs into his skin.

Solution: Because IROH units can't correctly identify plants we will sell you a botanic encyclopedia for just §615.00 to help him correctly identify plants.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your IROH unit should be able to get your ZUKO unit's head out of his butt and maybe finally live the simple and quiet life he has always wanted.


	11. Jeong Jeong

This fanfic chapter was published on September 11, 2008.

* * *

**JEONG JEONG: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated JEONG JEONG unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Firebending Master, Ex-Admiral, and Deserter. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: JEONG JEONG

Date of Manufacture: About 65 years ago; exact date is unknown

Place of Manufacture: Unknown

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (It's unknown if he is from the homeland or the colonies)

Height: About 5'7"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed

-

**Your JEONG JEONG unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Set of ratty clothes

One (1) Metal shack (some assembly required)

A dozen or so candles

One (1) Tea set (sorry only one (1) cup included)

One (1) Tent for "old people camp"

One (1) Order of the White Lotus outfit

-

**Programming:**

Your JEONG JEONG unit is not much of a versatile unit anymore due to becoming a deserter but is very proficient with the few skills he has. With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks.

**Firebender:** (Default Program) Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**Firebending Master:** Your JEONG JEONG unit has been a master firebender since his teens and has a substantial amount of experience. Can be used to teach AANG units how to firebend. Or rather the basics anyways because he takes forever teaching discipline first with breathing exercises and feeling the sun; that an AANG unit probably won't have time for.

**WARNING:** We are not responsible if your/an AANG unit burns a nearby a KATARA unit.

**Order of the White Lotus Member:** Your JEONG JEONG unit is a part of a centuries old secret society that believes in philosophy and beauty and is against the war. Along side 4 other OWL members (the other 2 are actually Fire Nation citizens as well) he will help take back Ba Sing Sei.

-

**Your JEONG JEONG unit has five (5) settings:**

**Calm:** (Primary default setting) While your JEONG JEONG often gets angry he is surprisingly calm and mainly uses passive aggression. You will see your JEONG JEONG unit meditating during most of his waking hours.

**Angry: **(Secondary default setting) Will be triggered by either impatient firebending students, CHEY units when they bring strangers with him to his hideout, anyone that wanders into his hideout, ZHAO units anywhere within a 2 mile radius, about the fact that he became a firebender and not some other kind of bender like a waterbender for instance. Oh hell; what are we saying? Just about anything will piss off your JEONG JEONG unit.

**Sorrow: **He will be on this setting whenever he thinks about ever teaching ZHAO units, an AANG unit that he just taught accidentally burns someone, or just the fact that he considers fire to be the element of destruction and a burden to bare for as a firebender.

**Frightened:** If an avatar manifestation of a ROKU unit shows up criticizing your JEONG JEONG unit for calling the current Avatar weak.

**Happy: **Right before outwitting someone or when with other White Lotus members is when you will see a happy JEONG JEONG unit.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your JEONG JEONG unit is not really a friendly unit until you get to know him and gain his trust and is compatible with only a few other units that are not OWL members.

**CHEY:** It seems that their relationship is not as on good terms as a CHEY unit would lead you to believe. A CHEY unit might not even be the #2 guy in his gang of deserters because it seems that a JEONG JEONG unit is willing to give him the shaft and abandon camp without even telling him; plus he doesn't even know whether your JEONG JEONG unit use to be a general or an admiral.

**LING YI:** This may be the more likely candidate that is your JEONG JEONG unit's #2 in his gang seeing as he basically has the same attitude. He will work for your JEONG JEONG unit as his lead personal security guard at his hideout.

**NOTICE:** You will most likely to forget this unit ever existed in the first place about 5 minutes after meeting one and will need this guide incase he shows up and talks to your JEONG JEONG unit a second time.

**AANG: **Will make it very clear to any AANG unit if he has not mastered water and earthbending yet, that he is not ready to learn firebending. But is likely to give in after speaking to a manifestation of a ROKU unit and making him spend an entire day of deep breathing exercises and standing out in the sun. Sadly it will be the keep the edges of the leaf from burning trick.

**(ADMIRAL)** **ZHAO:** Your JEONG JEONG unit taught at least one ZHAO unit how to firebend and apparently he regrets not teaching him enough discipline when it comes to controlling his firebending. These two units have since gone their completely separate ways and now hate each other.

**KATARA: **It seems that your JEONG JEONG unit wishes to be a waterbender like a KATARA unit is and is aware that she has healing abilities if she accidentally discovers it; even if that KATARA unit has never even heard of it and it's the first one he has talked to.

**(MASTER)** **PAKKU?: **Seriously JEONG JEONG units are almost the Fire Nation version of a PAKKU unit. You have to wonder if at one of their OWL meetings they got together and discussed the importance of all their students following their strict discipline and rules or not be taught at all; even if it were the Avatar. Presumably of course, several years ago when the threat of the return of Sozin's Comet was less eminent.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your JEONG JEONG unit is fully capable of cleaning himself; although it appears that he doesn't do it that often. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How can my JEONG JEONG unit see what I am doing when he has his back turned to me or is in another room? Does he have eyes in the back of his head or something?

A: No but we know that he has a motion detector. However that still doesn't explain his ability to tell what you're doing in another room and that is a question we don't have an answer for.

Q: Is that a tree growing in my JEONG JEONG unit's shack? And how did it get there or am I imagining things?

A: No that tree is real. Either he built his shack around it or he planted it in his shack and somehow got it to grow. Why he would do this is anyone's guess.

Q: What is with my JEONG JEONG unit's opinion of firebending? It's this living, horrible thing that's hard to control. Yet its power comes from the sun which is needed to sustain life and is contradictory about fire only being destructive.

A: It is interesting to note that a JEONG JEONG unit's philosophy is surprisingly similar to what the Sun Warriors believe for a "modern" firebender. Like the Sun Warriors he strongly emphasizes the sun's importance and thinks of fire as being alive. The one critical thing that is missing is that your JEONG JEONG unit only sees the destructive side of firebending where as the Sun Warriors see both the destructive and life giving sides of firebending.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your JEONG JEONG unit is having problems keeping people out of his hideout.

Solution: There are three (3) ways to solve this problem; 1. Get a LING YI unit to be his security guard to keep out intruders. 2. Chase off any CHEY units or hide your JEONG JEONG unit; tell him that he relocated since there is a good chance that a CHEY unit is bringing people to his hideout. 3. Install a firewall and we don't mean the computer kind (your JEONG JEONG unit can provide you with this).

Problem: It appears that your JEONG JEONG unit is insane and you don't know what to do about it.

Solution: Arrange an Order of the White Lotus meeting either at your place or somewhere else. JEONG JEONG units appear to be calmer and saner when around other OWL members for some odd reason.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your JEONG JEONG unit should continue to be a firebending master; teaching anyone he deems worthy as well as encourage more Fire Nation solders to become deserters like him.


	12. Jet

This fanfic was originally published on January 11, 2008.

* * *

On November 3, 2006 (a two week delay from the original date) we discontinued our JET units. Because of this we ran out of new JET units several months ago so now we only have used JET units available for sale. This manual is a reprint with answers to questions about used JET units in general added and information on where your JET unit came from.

This JET unit is in very good condition because the former owner only had 2 years of use; while satisfied with his JET unit; the only reason why he returned him was because of his new job at a hydroelectric dam and couldn't afford to lose his job.

-

**JET: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u… err… certified pre-owned, fully automated JET unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Terr…err…Freedom Fighter and Swordsman. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**WARNING:** Not available for sale in the Fire Nation colonies because JET units will consider any Fire Nation civilian in the Earth Kingdom to be a spy.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: JET

Date of Manufacture: Either 15 or 16 years ago (exact date has yet to be determined)

Place of Manufacture: Somewhere near Gaipan

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Western)

Height: About 5'10" (height seems to vary slightly from JET unit to JET unit)

Weight: Is too paranoid to remove his swords so we can weigh him; so we wouldn't be able to get an accurate measurement anyways.

-

**Your JET unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Grass blade

Two (2) Hu-Tou-Gou (Tiger's Head Hook) swords

One (1) Unique Earth Kingdom outfit

One (1) Custom-made armor

One (1) Tree house (some assembly required)

-

**Programming:**

Your JET unit is reasonably versatile. With the right directions you can get him to easily perform various tasks. Though at times it may take a lot of coaxing to get him to not perform certain tasks.

**WARNING:** Some JET unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Freedom Fighter: **(Default Program) Your JET unit hates the Fire Nation with venom and would like nothing more that to rid the entire Earth Kingdom of these people, solder or civilian and will really do anything to get rid of them.

**WARNING:** Your JET unit might kill Earth Kingdom civilians just to get at Fire Nation solders and attack elderly Fire Nation civilians as well.

**Swordsman: **This is his main combat ability. JET units are highly skilled swordsmen and are equally matched with ZUKO units.

**Thief:** Your JET unit is a Robin Hood-like figure and will steal things such as food to feed starving people. This program may work in conjunction with his freedom fighter program in order to steal supplies from an enemy.

**Stalker:** If he finds out that if someone is in anyway possibly related to the Fire Nation your JET unit will obsessively stalk that person until he has all the evidence he needs. You can trick him into thinking that someone is from the Fire Nation that you need to stalk but don't have the time for it or he/she has a restraining order against you.

-

**Your JET unit has five (5) settings:**

**WARNING: **JET units are highly unstable and are not user friendly at times.

**Happy:** When things are going his way and he has something to look forward to.

**Friendly:** When your JET unit sees a potential ally he will suddenly become friendly in order to get a new recruit for his cause.

**Obsessed:** When something has caught his interest and nothing can turn your JET unit's attention from it for long.

**CAUTION:** May trigger crazy mode.

**Crazy:** Often triggered when on the obsessed setting for too long; your JET unit will go to extremes in order to accomplish something.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible if you or someone nearby is killed or injured.

**Angry:** When your JET unit thinks too much about the war and the Fire Nation general, thinks something is unfair, or loses his patience is the usual cause of thins setting.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your JET unit is a friendly unit at first glance; but in reality he is not and is only compatible with a few other units for long term interactions/relationships.

**SMELLERBEE:** Is the voice of reason in your JET unit's gang, but will follow him without much question at first. At some point your JET unit's insanity will make her question many of his actions and possibly ditch him if things continue to get worse.

**LONGSHOT:** It is hard to tell what the relationship is like due to the fact that all LONGSHOT units are practically mute. But it is believed that they will follow your JET unit without much question; but will side with SMELLERBEE units when he gets really out of control.

**THE DUKE:** Looks up to your JET unit as a sort of role model until he does something questionable. But will still follow him none the less if someone doesn't intervene.

**PIPSQUEAK:** Will basically follow your JET unit without question.

**KATARA:** Will take a liking to your JET unit and practically be his girlfriend when they first meet each other. But once she sees him do something crazy, that KATARA unit will hate him and future interactions will induce Jet Syndrome.

**SOKKA:** Will not like him until he gets invited to be in one of your JET unit's missions. But once he sees just how crazy your JET unit is he will really not like your JET unit.

**AANG:** Not compatible with AANG units do to their respect for life.

**ZUKO:** Your JET unit will instantly like any ZUKO units they come across and will want him to be in his gang. Unfortunately these two units are only compatible for missions that involve stealing food due to ZUKO units being who they are; otherwise they would probably be compatible for the most part. Because of this ZUKO units will try to limit their interactions with your JET unit.

**WARNING:** Prolonged interactions may trigger the stalker program.

**LONG FENG:** Considers your JET unit to be your basic trouble maker because he won't shut up about the war while in Ba Sing Sei. He will either brainwash him personally or have one of his Dai Li agents do it for him. Although on the up side it may change him for the better as long as he doesn't run into another LONG FENG unit again.

**WARNING:** Getting into a fight with a LONG FENG unit will most likely end with the destruction of your JET unit.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your JET unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry especially with his own swords.

-

**Energy:**

Since sword fighting, stalking, and running around uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. He seems to like jelly candy so give him jelly beans every so often since they would fall into that category.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I bought a JET unit and the one I got came with these broad swords and some sort of ninja outfit; another thing is that he has a burn scar on his face and he keeps making tea even though he doesn't like it. But the really weird thing about him is that he can firebend and won't stop talking about restoring his honor; whatever that means. Why is it that there is something so terribly wrong with my JET unit?

A: Oops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a pre upgraded ZUKO Version 2.0 by mistake. But if you wish to keep him that is fine with us. (Luckily for you we have a policy about giving some of our customers' money back if they got a cheaper unit than for what they paid for but no such policy if it's the other way around.) If not send him back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: When I asked my JET unit if he could go anywhere in the world where would it be; the following were some of the places on the list; Hoover, Aswan, Rogun, and Changjiang Sanxia Da Ba (Three Gorges Dam); all of which are dams. What is up with that?

A: For the love of all things holy; DO NOT LET YOUR JET UNIT NEAR ANY OF THESE PLACES! It will just end in disaster!

Q: Is there any way that I can get a ZUKO unit to return my JET unit's phone calls. Wink wink, hint hint, say no more.

A: No, and unfortunately your JET unit is not that kind of stalker nor is he bisexual.

Q: Where does my JET unit keep his swords? They just seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere.

A: That's what we would like to know.

Q: Will JET units ever be recontinued again? Surely it might be possible right?

A: No they won't and never will be; it was even stated by the people that in both the executive and engineering department in March of 2007 that they never will. End of discussion.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my JET unit?

A: Even though we discontinued our JET units we will still make spare parts and accessories for him until January 1, 2009. After that once we run out of new parts in storage you will have to get used parts that have been cannibalized from other JET units or get custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your JET unit is about to blow up a dam and you don't know what to do to stop him.

Solution: Get a SOKKA unit to warn everyone so they can get out of the area.

Problem: Your JET unit can't get a ZUKO unit off his mind and you know it will only cause even worse problems later on.

Solution: Go to your nearest Dai Li agent for a br…err…hypnosis therapy session, to get that ZUKO unit off your JET unit's mind.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your JET unit should be able to get as many Fire Nation solders out of the Earth Kingdom as he possibly can without killing too many innocent bystanders.


	13. Jun

This fanfic was originally published on February 10, 2008.

* * *

**JUN: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated JUN unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Bounty Hunter and possible Scam Artist. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: JUN (THE BOUNTY HUNTER)

Date of Manufacture: At least 20 years ago (exact date is unknown)

Place of Manufacture: Unknown but believed to be somewhere in the Earth Kingdom

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Colonies)

Height: About 5'6"

Weight: Refuses to stand on the scale unless money is involved.

-

**Your JUN unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation-esc bounty hunter outfit

One (1) Skull topknot holder

One (1) Whip

One (1) NYLA unit (a creature known as a shirshu (also spelled xirxu))

One (1) Saddle for her NYLA unit

One (1) Harness and reins for her NYLA unit

One (1) Lipstick

One (1) Thing of eyeliner

One (1) Mirror (Limited edition chibi version only)

-

**Programming:**

Your JUN unit is not the most versatile unit but is very proficient with the few skills she has. With the right coaxing you can get her to perform various tasks.

**Bounty Hunter:** (Default Program) Your JUN unit is possibly the best bounty hunter in the Avatar world. With her whip and NYLA unit she can track down and capture criminals. Her rare and difficult to train shirshu can pick up a scent a continent away and stun/paralyze people with her(?) tongue. Note that it may take several lashings to bring down something as large as an APPA unit.

**Mercenary:** Will work for just about anyone if the price is right since she has no loyalty to any nation or person whatsoever; only money. If you just need to find someone who isn't a criminal and not capture them for reward money offered by some government; this is the perfect program to use. Though it seems that if you can convince her that the world might end she will do it for free or little money.

**Animal Trainer:** While there is no evidence that she tamed her own shirshu, it takes a professional to control one since they are so difficult to handle. You can use this program to get her to train your own animals/pets.

**Scam Artist:** We are not sure if this program exists or not but we suspect that due to your JUN unit's gambling habits that she might be in dept (It would explain why she charges so much money for her services and why she would say she is a "little short on money" while holding a large handful of it.) and one of her ways out is by fixing gambling bets such as arm wrestling matches.

-

**Your JUN unit has six (6) settings:**

**Greedy:** (Default Setting) Like we said before, your JUN unit has no loyalty to any nation or person only money. She will claim to be "a little short on money" when it is obvious that she has a lot on her.

**Arrogant:** Whenever your JUN unit decides to flaunt her wealth while claiming to not have much money. And trust us; you need a HUGE crapload of arrogance to pull something like this off.

**Happy:** When she just received a ton of money or has captured someone with a huge price on their head or hanging out at her favorite tavern.

**Annoyed:** When dealing with angry ZUKO units and or getting hassled.

**Disgust:** When handling someone who hasn't bathed in days and is covered in filth or an IROH unit fondles her while she is paralyzed and has landed in a compromising position on top of him.

**Bully:** (Limited edition chibi version only) Will whip THE DUKE units (Limited edition chibi version) for no apparent reason.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your JUN unit is not a friendly unit and is only truly compatible with a few drunken people in some tavern, money, and her shirshu.

**NYLA:** This is the most compatible unit with your JUN unit. Can often be seen babying her as if she were a pet despite that fact that even your JUN unit has some trouble managing NYLA units. Your JUN unit knows all of her behaviors and favorite treats.

**CAUTION:** Do not allow NYLA units to lick either you or your JUN unit.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **Will not make a good first impression if your JUN unit tares up his ship while looking for a stowaway. He will then demand that she pays him back for the damage caused by her shirshu. If an IROH unit is not around he will not be able to hire your JUN unit to help him find the Avatar and have the ship damage considered to be paid due to his complete rudeness. Will tease him constantly about a KATARA unit being his girlfriend since he is has to use the sent on her necklace to find a nearby AANG unit.

**Version 3.5:** Seems to somehow know how to actually hire your JUN unit without being charged way overpriced. Although the treat of the world ending will motivate most people.

**(UNCLE) IROH: **Will be needed if a ZUKO wants to hire a JUN unit to find the Avatar. He seems to have experience handling/haggling people who are a lot like your JUN unit and will find her jokes/insulting comments amusing even when directed at him. Your JUN unit will regard him as creepy.

**CAUTION:** Interactions might trigger an IROH unit's playboy setting.

**KATARA:** Will think that a KATARA unit is the girlfriend of a ZUKO unit if she sees them together. Much to her annoyance.

**THE DUKE:** Do the words _**whipping boy**_ ring a bell from earlier?

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**Cleaning:**

Your JUN unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and definitely do not give this job to an IROH unit.

-

**Energy:**

Since chasing after the bounties on people's heads uses up a lot of chi, make sure that she is fed thrice daily.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How can you claim that the nationalities of JUN units are Fire Nation when it was never stated in the show? Besides she lives in the Earth Kingdom; colonials only make up a very small portion of the population there.

A: This is the most likely scenario because the lining on the inside of her dress is red and she has red tattoos, pointy toed boots, (both are more commonly worn by Fire Nation citizens than Earth Kingdom citizens) and of course there is the topknot. Plus being completely indifferent to either side in the war seems to fit the bill more for a Fire Nation colonial than an EKer.

Q: Are those legwarmers on the front legs on my JUN unit's shirshu or is it just fur?

A: We can't seem to figure it out ourselves. It seems to be some sort of graphics glitch; it will usually appear to not be attached to the fur above it and it's usually furry in appearance. So it's either furry legwarmers or your JUN unit has a poodle thing going on.

Q: I ordered a JUN unit and she did not come with a NYLA unit; instead she came with this humanoid alien with tentacle dreadlocks and an elongated chin. The only words that I can even understand when he talks are "yes", "no", and "bite me". The only similarity that I can see this guy having with a shirshu is that he can knock out people with his tongue. Which by the way he constantly uses on my JUN unit because she keeps trying to capture him. Why is it that he was sent to me instead of a NYLA unit and how could it have happened?

A: Whoops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a KA D'ARGO unit from our Farscape line by mistake. While rare, it is not unheard of; this mistake probably occurred somewhere and at sometime in our warehouse when someone yelled "I need that thing that incapacitates people with his tongue" not knowing that we have 2 different creatures that can do this. But if you wish to keep him that is fine with us. If not send him back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: Did my NYLA unit get a sex change? I could have sworn that it used to be male.

A: Most likely yes. Because we realized that most of the Avatar the Last Airbender creatures where already male. (i)

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your JUN unit has gone missing and you don't know where to look for her.

Solution: Check every single dingy pub, bar, and tavern in your immediate area; she is probably drinking and arm wrestling there and maybe participating in a bar fight. That or ditching you to find someone that will pay her a lot of money for a mercenary job.

Problem: Your JUN unit is refusing to chase after someone hiding in a perfume factory.

Solution: With working with an animal that only sees through smell who could blame her? You will just have to tell/lie to her that the price on this person's head has either just doubled or tripled. If the bounty was already high to begin with then it should be no trouble to get her to go in. (Really she will do anything for money if the price is right.)

**WARNING:** We are not responsible if your JUN unit's shirshu gets a ton of perfume dumped on her, effectively blinding her and injures your JUN unit thinking that she is the guy she's after.

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With proper care and maintenance, your JUN unit should be able to continue to successfully capture wanted criminals and be hired to do mercenary jobs.

i In "Bato of the Water Tribe" Jun had called Nyla a he at least once. How ever the name Nyla suggests that it is a she. Either Mike and Bryan goofed or one of the writers didn't remove every "he" from the script (at least from Jun's dialog) after they decided to leave the gender ambiguous for a later episode.


	14. Katara

This fanfic was originally published on December 9, 2007.

* * *

**KATARA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated KATARA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Waterbender and Healer. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: KATARA

Date of Manufacture: 14 years ago

Place of Manufacture: South Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (South)

Height: About 5'5"

Weight: About 115 lb but we don't know for sure because a SOKKA unit may have damaged the scale before we could weigh her.

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**Your KATARA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Water Tribe outfit

One (1) Parka

Two (2) Sleeping bags; one (1) Water Tribe one for cold frigid nights and one (1) Earth Kingdom one for warmer nights.

One (1) Water pouch (You will receive an additional two (2) pouches when you upgrade to version 3.5)

One (1) Vial of Spirit Oasis water with special properties (version 2.0 and up)

One (1) Emergency sewing kit for mending embarrassing pant tares

One (1) Mother's necklace

One (1) Fire Nation disguise (version 3.0 and up)

One (1) Panted Lady costume (version 3.0 only)

Two (2) Shin guards (version 3.5 only)

Two (2) Arm guards (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Comb that suspiciously looks like it once belonged to a HAMA unit (version 3.5 only)

One (1) Fancy Ba Sing Sei outfit (version 3.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your KATARA unit is a highly versatile unit being a master waterbender with rare techniques (version 1.0 aside) and can even do several different domestic chores if asked nicely and not too frequently. With each upgrade she will become even more versatile.

**Waterbender:** (Default Program) Is a multipurpose bending art that can be used for a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to cutting through solid objects at high velocities.

**Healer:** Has a rare healing ability to heal people using waterbending (nearly all northern female weterbenders aside) and with the water from the Spirit Oasis she can use it to heal fatal injuries.

**WARNING:** Extra vials of Spirit Oasis water is in very short supply due to manufacturing difficulties, so originals may be needed to saved for something really important; like gee we don't know maybe SAVING AANG'S LIFE!!

**Bloodbender:** (For version 3.0 and up after taught by a HAMA unit.) This is a very freaky form of waterbending that can only be used during a full moon. This technique moves the water inside a body to get it to move and do whatever you want it to do.

**CAUTION:** Your KATARA unit may refuse to bloodbend unless she is on her Revenge O' Clock setting.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible for any psychological damage teaching your KATARA unit this technique might cause and or if you're killed by a HAMA unit in the process.

**Waterbender Teacher: **Well going literally half way around to find an AANG unit a waterbending master to teach advanced techniques takes such a long time; (Knowing about the long lost Equatorial Water Tribe at the time would have been really useful!) you might need a KATARA unit to teach the basics along the way. (Version 2.0 and up is a waterbending master and a PAKKU unit is not needed to teach an AANG unit how to waterbend.)

**Aggressive Negotiator:** By aggressive negotiating we mean theft.

**Panted Lady: **Need a healer to heal some sick people living near a polluted factory or better yet someone to destroy that §#!&ing factory so people don't continue to get sick? Or do you just need a super hero to accompany to get into a super hero's convention? Well look no further.

**Domestic Chores:** (I bet I just made some feminists shudder at the thought.) KATARA units generally don't mind doing these things given their maturity and sense of responsibility as long as you're nice about asking and not a sexist pig.

**WARNING:** If you are a sexist pig prepare to meet her wrath!

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**Your KATARA unit has eight (8) settings:**

**Motherly: **(Default setting) (May attract AANG units in ways unexpected to your KATARA unit)

**Happy:** Activates whenever she is enjoying herself basically.

**Angry:** This setting is more easily triggered than you may realize upon first impression. Facial twitches are often the first warning sign that she is about to be on this setting.

**Sad/Depressed:** Whenever a loved one dies/is missed, or when something isn't right with one of her friends, or is in a desert (normal for waterbenders).

**Excited:** When something goes her way or a really good opportunity comes along. (Even when it's apparent that the consequences outweigh the risk)

**Horrified:** (Level 1 lock) Whenever she is forced to do something she has no control over. (Note that repeated Fire Nation raids on the Southern Water Tribe has desensitized her somewhat to the horrors of war)

**Jet Syndrome:** First observed in JET units; this setting despite its name does not strictly only apply to only them and can apply to other people as well, particularly ZUKO units. If someone betrays her trust she will hold a huge grudge against that person and it will become nearly impossible to regain her trust and in some cases, over protective of an AANG unit.

**Revenge O' Clock:** Sometimes simultaneously with Jet Syndrome it will activate if her grudge against someone has reached critical levels. If on this setting she will have no problem bloodbending. (i)

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**Relations with other units: **Your KATARA unit is a friendly (when not in angry mode) unit and is compatible with many other units.

**SOKKA:** Is the brother unit of your KATARA unit; is one of the most compatible units even though SOKKA units will piss her off from time to time. Will appear to be the older of the two to outsiders when it comes to general responsibilities. But fear not, SOKKA units are quite capable of looking out for your KATARA unit.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the unit that needs to learn waterbending from your KATARA unit. Their relationship is usually on good terms even from the start but even an AANG unit is capable of pissing off your KATARA unit. An AANG unit will become lovesick around a KATARA unit unfortunately any affection given to your KATARA unit will be rarely returned in the in the form desired by an AANG unit. KATARA units seem to appear to be oblivious to any signs of an AANG unit having a romantic interest in them.

**CAUTION:** If you are successful in getting a KATARA and an AANG unit into a romantic relationship keep in mind that if they decide to create a new unit, and the destruction of that AANG unit happens late in the process; there is a disturbing possibility that said AANG unit may be reincarnated as his own kid.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **Your KATARA unit will be become compatible with this unit over time. However interactions will get off to a rocky start mainly due to the fact that TOPH units don't like people helping them with things that they can do by themselves and won't help your KATARA unit out because she will then expect your KATARA unit to due something for her in return. To make the transition of compatibility go smoother get an IROH unit to talk some sense into her. It should be noted that TOPH units enjoy arguing with your KATARA unit; so arguments will persist even after they become close friends.

**APPA:** Is more than just a means to get around to a KATARA unit more than you would think due to the fact that they are compatible enough for a KATARA unit to get an APPA unit to play sick.

**WARNING: **If theory of compatibility is wrong keep your KATARA unit when she has purple berries away from any APPA units.

**MOMO: **Interactions are similar to an APPA unit. Regarded as a pet, (which he basically is) interactions are not as smooth as they are with an AANG unit; but they are better than with a SOKKA unit. While she can get a MOMO unit to do something for her, it is not as easily done than with an APPA unit due to the fact that all MOMO units are descended from a feral lemur population and were feral themselves until recently.

**HAKODA:** This is the paternal unit of your KATARA unit. Interactions towards HAKODA units will become cold if separated for too long. Because of this in part, SOKKA units are more compatible with HAKODA units than they are with KATARA units even though HAKODA units have been known to push aside SOKKA units.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **Though they may be hated enemies there is still the possibility of a potential friendship in the future. Your KATARA unit may even offer to heal a ZUKO unit's scar.

**WARNING:** Could cause the apocalypse if used to heal a ZUKO unit's scar if an AANG unit is later fatally injured before the Fire Lord is defeated.

**WARNING 2:** Any seemingly romantic encounters will just later become evident plot devices. (Sorry Zutarians)

**WARNING 3: **Interactions with a ZUKO Version 2.0 might induce Jet Syndrome.

**Version 3.5: **If a ZUKO unit has already betrayed her trust she will be very cold hearted and bitchy towards one and he will have to regain her trust by going on a ninja mission with her. Only then can they become friends.

**WARNING:** Any seemingly romantic encounters that don't later become evident plot devices are just pure Zutarian cocktease. (Sorry Zutarians)

**SUKI:** Not as well documented as with the rest of the members of the gaang. It appears that they get along but unfortunately we know next to nothing about their more complex interactions. Sadly there was just no time for a girls' day out when observing them because they were either too busy looking for missing AANG units or trying to save the world.

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**Cleaning:**

Your KATARA unit is fully capable of cleaning herself and being a waterbender she is even capable of cleaning in places we don't even want to think about. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

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**Energy: **

Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that she is fed thrice daily.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded however you may purchase pre-upgraded versions. But because upgrading KATARA units is such a hassle it will cost §200.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to KATARA Version 2.0 first make sure that she has traveled to the North Pole then find a PAKKU unit to teach her advanced waterbending. Since he will initially refuse to teach your KATARA unit to waterbend, she will have to get into a fight and put up a good one in order to get him to change his mind.

**3.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to KATARA Version 3.0 first make sure that she and her group have stolen a Fire Nation ship, next head on down to the Fire Nation (make sure to use fog/steam for cover) and steal some clothes.

**3.5 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to version 3.5 first make sure she has mastered bloodbending, then prepare for the invasion on the Day of Black Sun. Believe it or not that's all you need to do.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: What is with my KATARA and TOPH units and mud fighting?

A: All we know is that it has something to do with the fact that mud being a mixture of earth and water is the only substance that they can both bend. But as to why they do it has yet to be figured out. What is really strange is that we don't seem to get too many complaints about it.

Q: Why is it called Jet Syndrome if it can be directed at other people?

A: Gaah! Don't you people ever thoroughly read through the directions (and the ones that you are the most interested in particular)? We had already stated earlier that it is named after JET units because it was first observed being directed towards them. This means it got its name before it was observed being directed at other people.

Q: If sweat and blood can be bended then does that mean that urine as well as other unmentionable body fluids can also be bended?

A: Yes it can. Though why our HAMA units couldn't have figured this out and escaped from prison a lot sooner is beyond us.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You can't find a PAKKU unit to teach your KATARA unit advanced waterbending techniques.

Solution: Go to the nearest docking harbor where there you should find some pi…err merchants they should have a waterbending scroll you can buy. If you can't afford it, don't worry that's where your KATARA unit's aggressive negotiating program will come in handy.

Problem: You need some sort of waterbending to be done for whatever reason but don't have any water.

Solution: Have you tried running around until you start perspirating?

Problem: You used the water from the Spirit Oasis to heal a/your ZUKO unit's scar and now you need another vial.

Solution: We will sell you another vial, but it will cost you §60,000; again due to manufacturing difficulties. Don't complain that we didn't warn you.

Problem: Your KATARA unit is exhibiting signs of Jet Syndrome around your ZUKO unit and you can't have this sort of thing go on in your home.

Solution: If you haven't done so already upgrade your ZUKO unit to Version 3.5 (since that version will at least try to regain her trust) and for now try to make sure that they keep their distance until more research is done or else you just might have to hear your ZUKO unit complain about getting enemas and that is if she is in a good mood when the moon isn't full. And if you have an AANG unit try to make sure that he doesn't go alone with your ZUKO unit. (Although if you have a ZUKO Version 3.0 or lower and a KATARA unit you most likely don't have an AANG unit. Are we right?)

**August 18, 2008 Update: **In order to get your KATARA unit to regain her trust in ZUKO units she will have to go on a ninja mission with him to find her mother's killer since a ZUKO unit would know how to find this guy. Even though she will never be able to forgive a YON RAH unit she will be able to forgive that ZUKO unit afterwards.

**WARNING:** We are not responsible if your KATARA unit destroys a YON RAH unit and you get sued by the owner.

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With proper care and maintenance, your KATARA unit should become one of the greatest waterbenders in the world.

* * *

i This is based on a hilarious animated avatar of when Katara was flying on Appa all night and there was a conversation between Zuko and Katara that went something like this.

Katara: There is no rest stop between here and revenge o' clock.

Zuko: What's that smell?

Katara: A diaper.


	15. Kyoshi

This fanfic chapter was published on December 5, 2008 for the 1 year anniversary of my Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual.

* * *

Thank you for taking interest in our collection of discontinued Avatar the Last Airbender units and having enough curiosity to get a replica manual of a KYOSHI unit. Either 170 or 182 years ago (we don't know for sure) we discontinued our KYOSHI units to make way for our ROKU units. Because of this we obviously ran out long ago so we don't have any new KYOSHI units available for sale; heck, we don't even have used KYOSHI units available for sale since we only have one working one and it is in our museum. If by some miracle that you happen to have a working KYOSHI unit, we must congratulate you and your astonishing mechanic skills. This manual is a reprint of the original manual that was made specifically for the last person that had owned the KYOSHI unit in our museum. It even comes with answers to questions about used KYOSHI units in general (at the time) added and information on where that KYOSHI unit came from.

This KYOSHI unit has certainly seen better days; however compared to what conditions most KYOSHI units are in these days this is definitely one of the best. We know that this particular KYOSHI unit had 10 previous owners due to her freakish longevity. The last owner had a good 30 years of use and the only reason why she returned her was because she was dieing of old age and no one in her family wanted her because they didn't want an ob…err…to pay for all the maintenance expenses.

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**KYOSHI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u…err… certified pre-owned, fully automated KYOSHI unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Avatar. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (AVATAR) KYOSHI

Date of Manufacture: 400 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Kyoshi Island (formally a peninsula)

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Kyoshi Islander)

Height: About 6'4"

Weight: She refuses to take off her giant headband so we can weigh her so we wouldn't be able be an accurate measurement anyways

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**Your KYOSHI** **unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit

One (1) Elaborate headdress

Two (2) Fans

One (1) Makeup kit

One (1) "The Birth of Kyoshi." painting

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**Programming:**

Your KYOSHI unit is (was) the single most important AtLA unit being the Avatar and all. Therefore she is a highly versatile unit.

**Avatar: **(Default Program) Unless by some chance you have a much younger version; KYOSHI units come as fully realized avatars.

**Earthbender: **Automatically set; can be used for various purposes like leveling the Earth King's throne room or creating islands.

**Firebender: **Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**Airbender: **Can be used for various purposes from flying, creating tornados, or for deflecting attacks.

**Waterbender:** Can be used for various purposes from a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to cutting through solid objects at high velocities.

**Spirit Guide:** Once your KYOSHI unit ceases to function this is just about the only program you can use. This program is useful for AANG (and in the past presumably; ROKU) units who need advise or when there is something very important that your/an AANG unit really needs to know.

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**Your KYOSHI unit has six (6) settings:**

**Justice: **(Default Setting) Your KYOSHI unit has a strong sense of both moral and legal justice and will do everything in her power to stop tyrants from abusing power. Her philosophy is "Only justice will bring peace."

**Angry:** When an EARTH KING unit orders her to stop a rebellion then orders his guards to arrest her when she refuses.

**Disgust:** Will usually be directed at a CHIN unit.

**Avatar State: **Unlike other avatars there is no lock for this setting due to the fact that that she comes having already mastered the Avatar State. Because we just don't know how to get this setting permanently unlocked; therefore we have decided to just make it easily accessible when you first get her.

**WARNING:** Destruction of a KYOSHI unit on this setting will end the Avatar Cycle and may cause the apocalypse.

**Regret/Sad: **Whenever she thinks about what he could have done better to prevent the Dai Li from becoming corrupt in the long run.

**Happy:** This setting is very hard to tell if she is on or not. But KYOSHI units probably have it or else they wouldn't last as long as they do.

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**Relations with other units: **We do not know if your KYOSHI unit is a friendly unit or not due to observations of her interactions with mostly unfriendly units. However we do know that she can be quite hostile with tyrants.

**CHIN (THE CONQUEROR): **Your KYOSHI unit does not see this unit as a great leader but as the power hungry warlord that he is. If a fight between these 2 units were to happen be prepared to see a CHIN unit in his underwear before his inevitable death.

**46****TH**** EARTH KING: **If there is a peasant revolt he will call on your KYOSHI unit to stop it. She will only protect him if he agrees to listen to his people. Odd that he thinks that he can forcibly make her with his guards who can't even protect him from angry peasants.

**(AVATAR) ROKU: **This new unit needs someone from the spirit world to guide him through life every now and then. Your KYOSHI unit is an excellent candidate.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **This new unit may need someone from the spirit world other than a ROKU unit to guide or help him through life every now and then.

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**Cleaning:**

Your KYOSHI unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and remove any makeup before doing so.

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**Energy: **

Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that she is fed thrice daily.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I can't get my KYOSHI unit's makeup off. This is such a problem that I hope for everyone else's sake that she does not become a trend setter and gives even more people this problem with other AtLA units. Anyways how do I get it off?

A: We are working on our own special patented makeup removal formula to get it off for you to buy. It should be available soon so please be patient. (This is what the manual said when our KYOSHI units first came out and the issue of makeup removal first came up which we didn't anticipate.)

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my KYOSHI unit?

A: Unfortunately we discontinued making spare parts and accessories for our KYOSHI units many years ago. The only ways you can get spare parts now is from used parts that have been cannibalized from other KYOSHI units or get new custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

Q: What was your reasoning behind making the KYOSHI units the longest and continuously produced AtLA unit ever? They had to have been horribly obsolete near the end of their production.

A: That is because all of our KYOSHI units were really designed to last and we couldn't replicate this feature nearly as well in anything else we designed; including the ROKU units which we kept pushing the release date further and further back. At some point we said "aw screw it!" and discontinued her anyways and started the ROKU production line; when we realized that it would actually be more beneficial to us if our customers would have to buy a new Avatar unit more frequently.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You are having trouble getting your KYOSHI unit's makeup off.

Solution:We will sell you our very own (AVATAR) KYOSHI makeup removal gel. Guaranteed to remove all of it in 3 seconds or less! Best of all this gel is multipurpose; you can use it as a household cleaning product, wall paint removal, or even as battery acid! And it will only cost you §84.99!

**Update: **It appears that this special formula will not only remove her makeup but will also remove her skin over time. Because of this we have had several lawsuits on our hands; therefore we have recalled this product so don't ask us for it anymore. From now on we will only recommend removing it with rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, or just about any acidic substance. That way most of the lawsuits will be directed at another company entirely.

Problem: You need to convince the ignorant people of Chin Village that they should not hold a grudge against every subsequent avatar following your KYOSHI unit. Or execute the current one for that matter.

Solution: First of all you need to tell them why the Avatar is so important and that the current Avatar is no longer the same person anyway; plus all CHIN units were really terrible. (Although the later could backfire on you.) If that doesn't work, wait for the Rough Rhinos to attack their village in a takeover for the Fire Nation; they'll be begging the Avatar to save them in no time.

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With proper care and maintenance, your KYOSHI unit should continue to maintain balance while bringing both justice and peace to the world for a very long time.


	16. Lo & Li

This fanfic was originally published on January 29, 2008.

* * *

On July 19, 2008 we discovered that our LO & LI units are not firebenders (sorry no Agni Kais; as entertaining as it sounds) and we apologize for the gross misinformation. If you bought any LO & LI units before then we will give you a partial refund.

**LO & LI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of two (2) fully automated LO and LI units. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Advisers and Public Speakers. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Names: LO & LI

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 100 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Unknown but the Fire Nation Capital is the most likely place.

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Heights: About 5'3"

Weights: They keep on insisting on taking off their clothes to be weighed and no one wants to weigh them with their clothes off.

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**Your LO & LI units will come with the following accessories:**

Two (2) Fire Nation outfits

One (1) Eighty (80)-year-old LO & LI painting as a sad, sad reminder of just how beautiful these two units use to look like.

Two (2) Sets of Ember Island swimwear

Two (2) Sun hats

Four (4) Rocks for some reason

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**Programming:**

Your LO and LI units are still quite versatile units despite their old age. With the right coaxing you can get them to perform various tasks.

**Personal Advisers: **(Default Program) With their many years of experience they have gained a lot of knowledge and know many things. You can use this program to get them to be your life coaches.

**Public Speakers:** Need a/some spokesperson(s) so you won't have to deal with people directly? Well these two units can do the job; we still don't know if they are willing to lie for you to the same extent Ari Fleischer did. (i)

**The following programs don't actually exist but this is what the manual use to say.**

**Firebenders: **Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting; though at their age they probably won't see much action. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight. We suspect that they may be two of the very few firebenders that can bend blue fire.

**Arsonists: **Well your LO & LI units are firebenders enough said.

**Lightningbenders: **Since it is so strikingly (no pun intended) obvious that they have taught AZULA units how to lightningbend it is almost apparent that they can do this. However there is no actual documentation of any LO and or LI units lightningbending.

**Lightningbending Teachers:** Since LO & LI units have been seen watching AZULA units practice their lightningbending and commenting on how they do; we can only assume that they have taught AZULA units how to lightningbend.

**Firebending Teachers:** We assume that your LO and LI units are the ones teaching AZULA units advanced firebending techniques and we wouldn't be surprised if they have also taught IROH and OZAI units as well.

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**Your LO & LI units have five (5) settings:**

**Telepathic: **(Default Setting) While these two units can't read your own mind, they have this weird (and often creepy) ability to read each other's minds. For instance either LO or LI will start a sentence and the other will finish it; or they will say the exact same thing at the same time.

**Advise:** Being the 2 oldest known female Avatar the Last Airbender units still in circulation, they have gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom over the years.

**Scary:** This setting is unintentional 98 percent of the time on their part since all they have to do talk about anything that has to do with the war or an AZULA unit's firebending/lightningbending progress and look half dead.

**Excited:** When on Ember Island and enjoying themselves or after a major Fire Nation victory.

**Happy:** See excited minus the victory thing.

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**Relations with other units: **Your LO and LI units are somewhat friendly units when they want to be and they do an ok job of getting along with other units.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA:** This unit is your LO and LI units' firebending and lightningbending student (or so we thought) and they are often part of an AZULA unit's royal procession wherever she goes.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO:** All we have to say is if your LO & LI units decide on imitating that old painting of them or showing off their swimsuits in front of a ZUKO unit, make sure that he isn't standing on a carpeted floor.

**TY LEE: **If she sees the old painting she will ask them who is in that painting and will trigger your LO and LI units' urge to imitate it.

**MAI: **A MAI unit will think that your LO & LI units have a very poor sense of taste in home decorations; but at least they are useful to have around when they do imitate that old painting of them or show off their swimsuits in front of a ZUKO unit since she will quickly learn to hide that ZUKO unit's eyes after they only do it once.

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**Cleaning:**

Your LO and LI units are fully capable of cleaning themselves. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water (now optional), do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**CAUTION: **No matter how often you wash your LO and LI units, you will never be able to fully get rid of that old lady smell.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible if seeing them naked causes any psychological damage and or the desire to gore your eyes out.

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**Energy: **

Since doing whatever they do uses up a lot of chi, make sure that they are fed thrice daily. We suspect that they don't mind eating what the average Joe eats since they were probably born into a boarder line rich family (possibly even middle class) based on what their beach house looks like.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that my LO & LI units are so ugly despite the fact that they were so beautiful when they were young?

A: Unlike other centurions from our AtLA line LO and LI units actually look their age for some reason. But this can also be due to too many summers sunbathing on Ember Island.

Q: I got 2 LO units or I got 2 LI units. This has to be some sort of mistake. Why couldn't you have given me one of each?

A: This is because even we can't tell them apart unless we ask them who they are. This problem of sending either two LO or two LI units to our customers use to happen 50 percent of the time before we learned to ask them who they were as soon as they cane off the assembly line and label them. However people are still capable of goof-ups whether it being illiteracy or being half asleep. So just send one of them back and we'll (hopefully) ship the right one back to you.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Ever since you have owned both a ZUKO and LO & LI units at the same time you have found weird vomit stains on your carpet that you can't get rid of.

Solution: Get some hardwood, ceramic tile, or linoleum flooring so it will be easer to clean up. A bonus to this solution is that these surfaces are much less odor absorbing than carpet is and will not pick up as much of your LO and LI units' old lady smell.

Problem: You have that old lady smell in your house/apartment and you want to get rid of it.

Solution: There is only one solution and we advise against it unless you have already got rid of your LO & LI units. The solution is the same as what to do about the fumes in the walls of an ex-crystal meth lab; you tear down the building.

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With proper care and maintenance, your LO & LI units should be able to continue teaching firebending and not be as scary as they possibly can.

* * *

i If you don't know he use to be George Bush's spokesman. And I think the real reason he quit was because he was tired of lying for the president.


	17. Long Feng

This fanfic was originally published on February 7, 2008.

* * *

**LONG FENG: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated LONG FENG unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Earthbender, Head of the Dai Li, Cultural Minister to the King, and Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Sei. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: LONG FENG

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 50 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Ba Sing Sei (middle ring)

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Eastern)

Height: About 6'0"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed

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**Your LONG FENG unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit (Will always wear that outfit whether it be at one of the Earth King's parties or in the sewers.)

One (1) Mailbox for both his own mail and other people's mail.

One (1) Weird green glowing fireplace.

One (1) White undies (sorry I couldn't resist)

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**Programming:**

Your LONG FENG unit is a highly versatile unit being a master earthbender and being both the head of the Dai Li and the Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Sei.

**Earthbender:** (Default program) Your LONG FENG unit is one of the greatest earthbenders considering that he became the head of the Dai Li; which by the way is an elite group of earthbenders. He can use this ability for a wide range of things from cover-ups to mortally injuring punks such as JET units.

**Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Sei:** Despite what a lot of people think, he actually runs the show and not the Earth King. He keeps it that way by manipulating EARTH KING units into thinking that he should not sully their hands with general affairs such as the military and keeping them ignorant of the war.

**Head of the Dai Li:** Your LONG FENG unit is the head of a very elite group of earthbenders that "serve and protect the King as well as the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Sei". But in reality the Dai Li are just a secret police force that brainwashes its citizens that won't shut up about the war and controls their activities.

**Cultural Minister to the King:** This program is the excuse that he uses to justify his both his positions in the government and his actions involving the Dai Li. When he is not using this program for these excuses he is attending the King's parties and keeping everything in check and the King clueless.

**Hypnotist: **This program allows your LONG FENG unit to brainwash people personally. And trust us when we say this; once he has someone brainwashed he can easily brainwash them again if they ever overcome any previous brainwashing sessions.

**WARNING:** This program might be used against you.

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**Your LONG FENG unit has eight (8) settings:**

**Manipulative:** (Default setting) Your LONG FENG unit is almost always manipulating someone even his own men. This is how he has risen to power and only an AZULA unit can out-manipulate him. This setting allows your LONG FENG to access his hypnotist program.

**Calm:** Basically on nearly all the time; if he wasn't calm it would seem that he is unable to maintain order and people will lose confidence in him.

**Polite:** Only when you first meet him in public or he is being a genuine cultural minister will he be on this setting. If this setting didn't exist he would have never gotten as far as he did. Otherwise your LONG FENG unit is a total prick.

**Total Prick:** This is almost a secondary default setting. People who try to desperately get a message out to an EARTH KING unit, not knowing that he is just a figure head, only to be handled by him and told off personally in a private room; and he won't even _**listen**_ to their important message once they realize that he has the real power!

**Happy:** When things go his way.

**Angry:** When things don't go his way and or a bunch of people successfully "disrupt order".

**Smug:** When he is very confident that things will go his way.

**Shocked:** When he gets out-manipulated by an AZULA unit.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your LONG FENG unit is an apparently friendly unit when you first meet him; but don't be fooled he is that way with everyone when in public just to look good. Otherwise he is a creepy jerk.

**EARTH KING:** This is the unit that your LONG FENG unit has been manipulating his entire life and keeping him ignorant about the outside world. Unless an EARTH KING unit has had interactions with AANG units, he is your LONG FENG unit's personal puppet. Once an EARTH KING unit realizes that he has been duped he will immediately turn against a LONG FENG unit.

**JOO DEE:** One of your LONG FENG unit's brainwashed cultural assistants that works to keep things in check, speaks to the people directly, and makes sure that they are following the strict laws of Ba Sing Sei so the Dai Li won't have to go after everyone. If she cannot do that she will report to either LONG FENG himself or a Dai Li agent that there are trouble makers.

**JET:** Considers a JET unit to be your basic trouble maker because he won't shut up about the war while in Ba Sing Sei. A LONG FENG unit will either brainwash him personally, or have one of his Dai Li agents do it for him. Although on the up side it may change a JET for the better as long as he doesn't run into another LONG FENG unit again.

**CAUTION:** If this does happens it may cause an allied JET unit to turn against an AANG unit.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the unit that your LONG FENG is likely to steel an APPA unit from to get the upper hand on him so he will leave Ba Sing Sei on a wild goose chase just to get rid of him and to keep that AANG unit from talking about the war in public and possibly causing chaos.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA:** Will manipulate your LONG FENG unit into thinking that she has been caught and screwed over by a MAI and a TY LEE unit and has no other choice but to help him get out of jail not knowing that she did this on purpose. Your LONG FENG unit will somewhat stupidly order the Dai Li to temporally follow her while he is in jail. During that time she will gain the Dai Li's trust and respect and they will end up double crossing your LONG FENG unit when the time is right.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **Will be very polite towards TOPH units thinking that they are actual guests at the King's party that have lost her parents and will help her find her nonexistent parents. He will go through a TOPH unit's mail and not give it to her.

**KATARA: **Interactions are nearly identical to TOPH unit interactions except for the mail thing since the intelligence report was never intended to go to neither a SOKKA or a KATARA unit in the first place; and due to the fact that he may not know that HAKODA units are related to them.

**SOKKA:** Next to nothing is known about how these two units will interact with each other due to the fact that we have never witnessed any LONG FENG units talking directly to a SOKKA unit on a personal level and only when they are with a group of other AtLA units. But we suspect that it would be similar to an AANG unit.

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**Cleaning:**

Your LONG FENG unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. Despite his origins he will only eat the best foods. Even when in prison will Dai Li agents make sure that he gets good food.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How is it that a fourteen year-old can outwit my LONG FENG unit? This shouldn't be happening; he is highly intelligent and he is too experienced for this sort of thing to happen to him. This wouldn't happen to be a sort of malfunction would it?

A: Was this fourteen year-old an AZULA unit by any chance? If so all we have to say is that is no ordinary teenager your LONG FENG unit was dealing with and your LONG FENG unit is certainly not malfunctioning; if that happens to be the case.

Q: If my LONG FENG won't bother to do anything or even consider listening to what the gang has discovered that could change the outcome of the war; which would indicate he is planning to commit treason against the Earth Kingdom. So that the Fire Nation will hopefully allow him to continue running Ba Sing Sei and retaining at least some of his power in exchange for his "help"; then why would he order the Dai Li to arrest an AZULA unit? If he wants to keep his power then arresting the Fire Nation princess wouldn't look too good for him…

A: Both your LONG FENG unit and the Dai Li know very well that the Fire Nation broke through the wall once before and nearly succeeded a second time. It is only inevitable that they would have succeeded upon the arrival of Sozin's commit. This is probably why the Dai Li turned against your LONG FENG unit for an AZULA unit since they thought it was a boneheaded move themselves.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your LONG FENG unit has a bite mark that he received from an APPA unit and he needs to convince an EARTH KING unit that he has never seen a sky bison before.

Solution: We will sell you a jar of our own special vanishing cream guarantied to remove blemishes for just §666. (i)

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With proper care and maintenance, your LONG FENG unit should be able to maintain his grip on Ba Sing Sei and not have city-wide panic; to keep his "utopia" a "utopia".

* * *

i We are not liable if it does not make your LONG FENG unit's bite mark disappear.


	18. Mai

This fanfic was originally published on December 19, 2007

* * *

**MAI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated MAI unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Knife Thrower, Assassin, Goth, and Governor's Daughter. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: MAI

Date of Manufacture: 15 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland) (Goth subculture?)

Height: About 5'7"

Weight: Considering that she refuses to take off her stiletto cuffs and remove all her knives and shuriken for us, we wouldn't be able to get an accurate measurement anyways.

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**Your MAI unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation outfit

Two (2) Stiletto cuffs each loaded with eight (8) arrows

An assorted number of knives and shrunken

One (1) Band-Aid (Limited edition chibi version only)

One (1) Mongoose dragon (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Kyoshi Warrior disguise. (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Dai Li outfit (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Umbrella (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Dear Jane letter from a ZUKO unit (version 2.5 only) (Don't celebrate just yet Zutarians.)

One (1) Fancy Ba Sing Sei outfit (version 2.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your MAI unit is not the most versatile unit but is very proficient with the few skills she has. With the right coaxing you can get her to perform various tasks. With each upgrade she will become even more versatile, uh we hope.

**WARNING:** Some MAI unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Knife Thrower:** (Default Program) Can throw knives and shuriken with deadly accuracy (well if the censors allowed her to do more than just pin her victims) and has concealed stiletto cuffs that shoot arrows from them.

**Assassin: **If she wants to, you can use your MAI unit as an assassin since all her weapons are concealed; people would never knew what hit them.

**AZULA Unit Underling:** your MAI unit usually works with AZULA units and will do just about anything for them that's not too unpleasant for her. This program can be used for hunting the Avatar.

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**Your MAI unit has seven (7) settings:**

**CAUTION: **MAI units are near emotionless and you might find her to be "just one big blah" as a ZUKO unit might put it.

**Depressed: **(Default Setting) This setting is on 99 percent of the time unless you have a ZUKO unit nearby; then it's only 85 percent of the time.

**Board:** Almost always activated along side depressed setting. So expect your MAI unit to be board most of the time. Too bad she will often complain about it.

**Annoyed:** This is usually triggered by a TY LEE unit.

**Creeped Out:** This is usually triggered by an AZULA unit.

**Angry: **When a ZUKO unit's temper/behavior goes too far an argument will ensue or an AZULA unit interrupts a date (she won't typically show it in that case).

**Brooding: **Typically activated when your MAI unit is either too depressed or doesn't have the energy to be in angry mode. This is why she isn't in angry mode very often.

**Happy: **(Level 3 lock) (Level 2 lock if her relationship with a ZUKO unit is going smoothly.) This setting can only be unlocked in the presence of a ZUKO unit. And the only setting you won't hear any serious complaints from her. (Available for versions 2.0 and up only.)

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**Relations with other units: **Your MAI unit is not a friendly unit and is only truly compatible with only a few other units. However because she rarely bites people's heads off, most other units will tolerate her. But here you will see only the most compatible listed because how she interacts with other units is not as well known

**TY LEE: **This one of the most compatible units with your MAI unit. Even though hyperactive ditz and goth don't normally mix, this relationship does due to the fact that they have been friends since childhood. TY LEE units will annoy your MAI unit and tease her on occasion but she will often prefer being around one of them than be with an AZULA unit since they sometimes creep her out. (It's the whole lets ditch the psycho for awhile sort of thing.)

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **This is one of the most compatible units with your MAI unit. While there has been no actual documentation of an AZULA unit being nice to a MAI unit; it has been speculated that AZULA units can be. While your MAI unit may not be as loyal to an AZULA unit as TY LEE units are, an AZULA unit will often find her to be less annoying and vice versa. (It's the whole lets ditch the hyperactive ditz for awhile sort of thing.)

**CAUTION: **Repeated interactions with ZUKO units might eventually lead to your MAI unit betraying an AZULA unit.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO:** This one of the most compatible units with your MAI unit. The presence of any ZUKO units are just about the only times where happy MAI units have ever been observed. Though not the perfect couple, (they will get into fights form time to time) the odd angsting together is just what makes their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship work. Repeated interactions may make ZUKO units the most compatible with her and eventually cause your MAI unit to betray an AZULA unit.

**WARNING: **Keep away all AZULA and ROUN JIAN units while on dates or they will be ruined.

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**Cleaning:**

Your MAI unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself (She will probably complain about it; but won't stop you.) do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**-**

**Energy: **

Since knife throwing and chasing after the Avatar uses up a lot of chi, make sure that she is fed thrice daily. Despite her aristocratic background she has no problem eating what the average Joe eats (albeit a picky average Joe). Her favorite foods are fire flakes and fruit tarts.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading MAI units is a hassle it will cost §100.00 extra for the first upgrade and will cost §1,000.00 for the second upgrade to account for the possible bail money. Her uncle being the warden certainly has its advantages.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to MAI Version 2.0 first sneak into Ba Sing Sei; then have her get stuck babysitting a BOSCO unit with a TY LEE unit. Next wait until a SOKKA and a TOPH unit shows up and just let them take the bear. This will distract them long enough for an AZULA unit to manipulate a ZUKO unit into joining her side, defeat the Avatar, and make it possible for your MAI unit to have a deeper relationship with a ZUKO unit.

**2.5 Upgrade:** We are still in the process of writing the software so this upgrade isn't available yet. So far the only known step for this upgrade is for your MAI unit to read her letter.

**June 17, 2008 Update: **After reading her letter wait for a ZUKO unit (version 3.5) to break into the Boiling Rock prison and get caught. Don't worry it should not take too long. Next use her connection with the warden to give her the chance to visit her "ex"-boyfriend and find out his reasons for doing what he did. She will somehow come to realize that she loves ZUKO more than she lo…err…fears AZULA(i) and help him escape to save his life. She will square off with an AZULA unit and they nearly kill each other if a TY LEE unit does not intervene (don't worry your MAI unit will probably live through it even if she doesn't since that AZULA unit will be in too much turmoil to lightningbend) and get arrested for aiding in a prisoner's escape. We are still working on a final step to get your MAI unit (Version 2.5) out of jail more easily so please bear with us.

**August: 17, 2008 Update:** It appears that all you need to do is get your MAI unit's uncle to pull some strings; plus getting the nearest ZUKO unit to be the new Fire Lord won't hurt either.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: My MAI unit is complaining a lot and is crankier than what is normal for her. Why is this?

A: She probably is just on her period. (ii)

Q: Are MAI and TY LEE units on prescription medication? Because if they are I think that someone at the pharmacy got my MAI and TY LEE units' medications mixed up. (iii)

A: No they are not on medication. However putting them on medication wouldn't be a half bad idea.

Q: Why does my MAI unit only pin people to the walls and not kill them?

A: This is from the Nickelodeon Censor bug. We are working on a downloadable program to counter it. But unfortunately we just can't seem to get the rights for Cartoon Network Censor software needed to make this program that would allow her to kill people.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You are worried about angry Maiko haters jumping your MAI unit.

Solution: Don't worry she doesn't need protection; a ZUKO unit will even vouch for her on that!(iv) But if you're still worried about her safety we will send you an extra shipment of replacement of knives, shuriken, and arrows regularly as often as you like, for just §99.99 per-shipment you may cancel at any time; however shipments once reached to you, cannot be returned and must be paid in full. And once we got that Nickelodeon Censor bug problem all sorted out she will be virtually unstoppable! Muh ha ha ha ha!

Problem: Nothing can make your MAI Version 1.0 happy and you are tired of seeing her depressed all the time and don't want to upgrade her because you are an avid Zutara supporter or more disturbingly a Zucest supporter. (v)

Solution: Although we have only tested it out on ZUKO units and we have yet to test it on MAI units; we will send you a big bottle of King Bumi's Happy Pills®vi for just §149.99.

**WARNING:** The amount needed to make her happy could be dangerously close to a fatal dose.

i After seeing a Youtube poop for The Boiling Rock where unnecessary censorship was used for that line I just had to say it.

Mai: I guess you just don't #bleep# people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I #bleep# Zuko more than I #bleep# you.

Azula: No; you miscalculated! You should have #bleep#ed me more!

* * *

ii I swear to God I really think Mai was having her period in "The Beach". I mean think about it; they all went to the beach and didn't go swimming.

iii I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Ty Lee has ADHD. (Medications to treat it often cause depression.) I am well aware of this fact due to being in a pharmacy tech program in collage and having this condition myself.

iv The context of his response may be considered questionable.

v If you think that either ship will happen on the show, take this snowball and make a run through Hell with it. And no Hell Michigan doesn't count, especially this time of year and right now in particular.

vi All credit regarding King Bumi's Happy Pills goes to rufftoon's comic strip at deviant ART.


	19. Momo

This fanfic was originally published on December 18, 2007.

* * *

**MOMO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated MOMO unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Winged Lemur and Pet. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: MOMO

Date of Manufacture: Unknown but believed to be within the last ten years

Place of Manufacture: Southern Air Temple

Nationality/Ethnicity: Air Nomad (Winged Lemur)

Height: About 16 in. on hind legs

Weight: Very Light

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**Your MOMO unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Stolen fire sage hat

One (1) Little Earth Kingdom hat

One (1) Lock of an APPA unit's fur

One (1) Samurai outfit for AANG unit hallucinations

Two (2) Swords for AANG unit hallucinations

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**Programming:**

Your MOMO unit is a cute little pet and while he is not as practical as APPA units are he can perform various tasks.

**Pet:** (Default Program) What can we say he enjoys sitting on people's shoulders and in their lap and is fun to play with.

**Bug Exterminator:** Your MOMO unit loves to eat bugs so if you have a bug problem he can be the solution to it.

**Retriever/Helping Lemur: **Can't get up to get something yourself because of sickness or a disability? Your MOMO unit can get it for you. Having opposable thumbs, being an excellent climber, and having the ability to fly makes him almost the perfect animal for the job; now if we could only get him to understand ANY human language.

**CAUTION:** Additional training will be necessary.

**WARNING:** Any new MOMO units might bring back everything and the kitchen sink; except for the thing you need.

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**Your MOMO unit has six (6) settings:**

**Happy: **Whenever he is enjoying himself basically.

**Frightened: **If he is being chased or gets captured is what usually triggers this setting.

**Upset: **When he is fighting with an APPA unit over a melon or his food gets stolen.

**Angry/Jealous: **Whenever he sees a bird on someone's shoulder; he will get mad and attack it.

**Sad:** Whenever your MOMO unit misses an APPA unit.

**Confused:** When what he is chasing gets away or he just plainly doesn't understand something.

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**Relations with other units:**

Your MOMO unit is a friendly unit once he becomes accustomed to humans.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the most compatible unit. Interactions are similar to the way an AANG unit is with an APPA unit. The presence of a MOMO unit will give an AANG unit hope about the possibility of any surviving Air Nomads. It is recommended that you keep your MOMO unit around for pet therapy; he'll need it.

**APPA: **These two units have been known to mess with each other. For instance an APPA unit has been documented holding down a piece of fruit with one of his toes so a MOMO unit can't pick it up. And a MOMO unit has been seen playing with a bison whistle to drive an APPA unit nuts. However MOMO units will try to help an APPA unit in any way they can if he gets stuck and will miss him if separated for too long.

**KATARA: **Regarded as a pet (which he basically is); interactions are not as smooth as they are with an AANG unit, but they are better than with a SOKKA unit. While she can get your MOMO unit to do something for her, it is not as easily done due to the fact that all MOMO units are descended from a feral lemur population and were feral themselves until recently.

**SOKKA: **Regarded as a pet (which he basically is); a SOKKA unit will at first think of him as a source of food then after he has accepted your MOMO unit he will treat him like a golden retriever until he realizes that lemurs are not dogs. At some point a/your SOKKA unit will become attached to a MOMO unit to the point where he will frantically search an APPA unit's mouth for any missing MOMO units.

**WARRNING:** Keep away any SOKKA units carrying HAWKY units.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **Regarded as a pet (which he basically is); interactions are not as well documented as they are with the rest of the Gaang. (Not a typo.) However MOMO units have been seen sleeping curled up next to TOPH units. Based on this observation we can only assume that they are compatible. If you can't get your MOMO unit into a place that doesn't allow pets, a TOPH unit will gladly help out by getting your MOMO unit to pose as her seeing eye lemur.

**HAWKY:** The least compatible unit. If your MOMO unit sees a HAWKY unit there will be a fight and you will get all scratched up if you are holding a HAWKY unit.

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**Cleaning:**

Your MOMO unit is somewhat capable of cleaning himself. But you will have to do it yourself every now and then so he doesn't get behind in his hygiene. Do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

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**Energy:**

Since chasing things and snatching fruit uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily with fruit, nuts, seeds, and insects. If the grocery store in your area doesn't have insects, don't worry; he is capable of getting his own.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: What the…? I bought a MOMO unit and a flying squirrel was sent to me. Oh well; at least he responds when I call his name.

A: Woops! It appears that we accidentally sent you the wrong MOMO unit by mistake. The one we gave you came from our Samurai Champloo line. While this is not the first time we have accidentally sent this particular MOMO unit to people buying the Avatar the Last Airbender version; this is the first time this has happened to someone who didn't buy a MOMO and a TY LEE unit at the same time. But if you wish to keep him or rather her that is fine with us. If not send her back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: I bought a MOMO unit and a samurai rabbit was sent to me. Ok this is just getting really weird for me. Just what is going on over there?

A: Oops It appears that we accidentally sent you a USAGI YOJIMBO unit from our Usagi Yojimbo line by mistake. Someone working in the small mammals' area of our warehouse must be sleep deprived. But if you wish to keep him that is fine with us. (Luckily for you we have a policy about giving some of our customers' money back if they got a cheaper unit than for what they paid for but no such policy if it's the other way around.) If not send him back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: My MOMO unit is flying around in circles and is trying to grab bugs that aren't there. What is wrong with him?

A: It appears that a SOKKA unit has decided to share his cactus juice with your MOMO unit.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You can't get your MOMO unit properly trained to retrieve things.

Solution: Get a professional to train him. We know of a place that specializes in primates and it will only cost you §4,000.00.

Problem: Your MOMO unit keeps eating the ants in your ant farm.

Solution: Unfortunately there is not much you can do other than get a lock with a key and hide the key and take extra care to make sure it is sealed. Seeing as he can fly or climb to reach anything; has opposable thumbs and can unlock just about anything after watching humans unlock things.

Problem: Your MOMO unit has gone missing and you think an APPA unit ate him because you can't find him.

Solution: First of all get out of the bison's mouth. Secondly he is probably with your/an AANG unit so you will just have to find that AANG unit.

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With proper care and maintenance, your MOMO unit should be able to be the best pet you ever had.


	20. Ozai

This fanfic was originally published on January 8, 2008.

* * *

**OZAI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated OZAI unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Fire Lord, Lightningbender, and of course Firebender. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (FIRE LORD) OZAI

Date of Manufacture: Approximately 35 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'9"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed

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**Your OZAI unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Agni Kai outfit

One (1) Crown/Topknot holder

One (1) Fiery throne

One (1) Robe

One (1) Secret underground bunker

One (1) Tea set (Yes, Iroh isn't the only one in that family that appreciates tea believe it or not.)

One (1) Flying hippo-cow (Sorry I couldn't resist.)

One (1) Baby picture

One (1) Stupid Phoenix King helmet

One (1) Phoenix King cape with golden phoenixes on the shoulders

One (1) Extra large zeppelin

One (1) Prisoner outfit (similar to Iroh's)

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**Programming:**

Your OZAI unit is a reasonably versatile unit (though it may not seem like it at first). With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks. Okay, so you will probably have to bribe him.

**WARNING:** Some OZAI unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Fire Lord:** (Default Program) Your OZAI unit runs his own country with an iron fist; what can we say? At least you can enjoy the perks out of it.

**Firebender: **Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight. While your OZAI unit may only generate normal fire, he is able to do it in a larger quantity and fly longer distances than an AZULA unit can.

**Arsonist: **Well your OZAI unit is a firebender enough said.

**Lightningbender: **Out of all of the lightningbenders only a known three units can actually create their own lighting. Your OZAI unit being one of them. It takes him only one or two seconds to get a good charge.

**WARNING:** If he is facing you while charging up and you don't have either a ZUKO, an AANG (version 3.5), or an IROH unit in front of you or are wearing a rubber suit you are already dead.

**Avatar Tracker: **(Outdated Program) At one time or another OZAI units would try to find the Avatar and apparently they sucked at it. Please note that now OZAI units are fire lords that you would have to be an expert hacker to access this program.

**Penis…err…Penix no wait it's Phoenix King:**(i)If it looks like world domination is within reach your OZAI unit will want a new title to better fit the "supreme ruler of everything". Appropriate for someone that wants to destroy the world to begin a new one.

-

**Your OZAI unit has eight (8) settings:**

**WARNING: **OZAI units are sadistic sociopaths and are not user friendly.

**Sociopath:** (Default Setting) Possibly the worst genetic disorder in the Fire Nation royal family; fortunately for you OZAI units have the least severe case. Unlike AZULON units, OZAI units will wait until a family member commits treason before killing them; or at least advocating it anyways. Weaseliness is something else all together.

**WARNING:** May cause child cruelty; be advised if you have children.

**Cold Hearted:** Basically on all the time. Your OZAI unit doesn't care about his subjects' needs or some of his family members for that matter; he is only focused on world domination.

**Weasel:** Your OZAI unit wouldn't be where he is today if it were not for this setting. Incidentally this is the reason why AZULON units are considered a bit more respectable.

**Butt Kisser:** Often simultaneously with weasel when around AZULON units. Will become unavailable upon the destruction of a nearby AZULON unit. (Unless you happen to be an expert hacker. AN: Bet that will be fun!)

**Cocky:** OZAI units are often cocky if they are highly confident in either their abilities or predictions. Will laugh manically while on this setting.

**Angry:** Often caused from prolonged interactions with ZUKO units. And like ZUKO units, OZAI units also have short tempers.

**Eerily Calm:** Usually around family members. If your OZAI appears to be calmer than what is normal for him given the situation it is a good indication that he is suppressing either his anger or crazy settings.

**Crazy:** Usually simultaneously with his sociopath setting. When your OZAI unit comes up with a horrifying plan or declares himself Phoenix King because Fire Lord wasn't good enough for him.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your OZAI unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only a few other units.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **The least compatible unit despite being the offspring of your OZAI unit. Your OZAI unit is easily angered and cold towards ZUKO units. This is the reason why all ZUKO units have that hideous facial burn scar.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **This is your OZAI unit's other offspring. AZULA units aspire to be like your OZAI unit and will do anything to please him. (Eww! Get your minds out of the gutter you perverts! The royal family isn't THAT dysfunctional!) Because of this and the fact that AZULA units are protégées, OZAI units consider her to be their favorite child. This is probably the most compatible unit.

**(UNCLE) IROH: **Probably one of the least compatible units despite being the brother unit of your OZAI unit. The reason why your OZAI unit is the Fire Lord and not an IROH unit is because he stole the throne from him. While there are little direct interactions documented, it is clear that they have very different points of view.

**(PRINCESS) URSA:** Little is known about what their relationship was like before we temporarily discontinued our URSA units, but it is believed that it was just a political marriage. However this unit was able to help your OZAI unit out by coming up with a weasely scheme that would help him become the next Fire Lord.

**(FIRE LORD) AZULON: **The relationship between the former Fire Lord and OZAI units somewhat resembles his relationship with ZUKO units. Basically OZAI units are not well liked by AZULON units due to your OZAI unit's weasely nature. It is obvious that OZAI units wouldn't have become nearly as horrible if it were not for this unit.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the unit that will try to defeat your OZAI unit when he becomes a fully realized avatar. Sadly he just won't have the balls to kill your OZAI unit without learning how to take away your OZAI unit's bending. Oddly enough your AANG unit might try futilely to talk some sense into your OZAI unit before fighting him even after learning how to energybend.

**WARNING:** Once your OZAI unit loses his bending he can no longer regain it.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your OZAI unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**WARNING: **If you wash by hand we are in no way responsible if your OZAI unit electrocutes you.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. We don't know what his eating habits are but make sure that he gets the best foods just to be safe.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Something isn't right here; my unarmed OZAI unit is being too cocky in front of an armed ZUKO unit during an eclipse. In fact he is practically asking for it. What is wrong with this picture?

A: We have speculated that the fire sages run the country between the time of the last Fire Lord's death and the official coronation ceremony of the next one. If they believe that whoever is next in line for the throne had killed the last Fire Lord, they have the power to prevent that person from becoming the new Fire Lord. This is a sort of insurance policy to prevent family members from killing the current Fire Lord.

Q: What is with this mysterious black shadow that seems to hide my OZAI unit's face even in places where the lighting should allow his face to be visible?

A: This is caused by the "mysterious" bug problem. Fortunately this only temporary and should go away on its own and is only seen in brand new OZAI units.

Q: How is it that my OZAI unit can skid for several meters, bouncing on the ground and not break a single bone; while my SOKKA unit easily breaks his leg falling off the top of a zeppelin to the bottom?

A: This is due to two reasons the first one being that whenever earthbending gets involved all AtLA units will suddenly become more damage resistant. Secondly SOKKA units just have the bad luck of falling and landing in often the worst possible way.

Q: What is with my OZAI unit's extra large zeppelin and wanting to change his title to Phoenix King? Is he trying to compensate for something?

A: This is from nick(dot)com and we quote _"Ozai's airship is just like the rest of the airships, but bigger. Due to his huge ego, Ozai wasn't content with having the same airship as the rest of his men, so he ordered his engineers to build a bigger one."_ We can conclude that his desire to change his ruling title is also due to his ego. However his beard is not helping his case.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your "mysterious" bug just went away and now you have a new problem. Fangirls. Apparently some of a nearby ZUKO unit's older fan girls have switched over and became OZAI fangirls when they found out that OZAI units basically look like an older ZUKO unit.

Solution: Because OZAI units are creepy they will at some point become a turn off to his newfound fangirls. So just encourage your OZAI unit to be creepy when around them.

Problem: Your OZAI unit's cockiness has gotten on your nerves and you can't take it any more.

Solution: Get either an AANG or a ZUKO unit to kick his butt.

**WARNING:** Will activate his angry setting.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your OZAI unit should not kill you and continue to run the Fire Nation and perhaps the world with an iron fist.

* * *

i This is based on fan jokes about Ozai being called the Penis King (and my personal favorite: Penix King) because he might be compensating for something.


	21. Pakku

This fanfic was originally published on July 4, 2008.

* * *

**PAKKU: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated PAKKU unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Northern Waterbending Master. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: (MASTER) PAKKU

Date of Manufacture: At least 76 years ago; 80 at most.

Place of Manufacture: North Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (North)

Height: About 5'8"

Weight: We honestly don't know because an IROH unit broke the scale on the same day we decided to weigh all the geezers before we could weigh him.

-

**Your PAKKU unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Parka

One (1) Water Tribe outfit

One (1) Box of Waterbending scrolls

One (1) Vial of spirit oasis water

One (1) Bowl of noodles

One (1) Tent for "old people camp"

One (1) Order of the White Lotus outfit

-

**Programming:**

Your PAKKU unit is not much of a versatile unit but is very but is very proficient with the few skills he has. With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks.

**Waterbender:** (Default Program) This is a multipurpose bending art that can be used for a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to moving boats around and of course, fighting Fire Nation solders and annoying (to him) KATARA units.

**Waterbending Master:** Your PAKKU unit has been a waterbender for many years and has a substantial amount of experience. Can be used to teach AANG and KATARA units how to waterbend.

**WARNING:** Will initially refuse to teach certain persons lacking penises until he gets into a fight with a KATARA unit.

**Order of the White Lotus Member:** Your PAKKU unit is a part of a centuries old secret society that believes in philosophy and beauty and is against the war. Along side 4 other OWL members (3 of which are actually Fire Nation citizens) he will help take back Ba Sing Sei.

-

**Your PAKKU unit has ten (10) settings:**

**Jerk: **(Default Setting) Lets face it most of the time your PAKKU unit will be a jerk and there is very little you can do about it. Getting dumped by a KANA unit 60 years ago and never truly getting on with his life has left him a "sour old man".

**Annoyed: **Usually caused by either one of his students coming late for a lesson or goofing off. Or in the case of KATARA units, challenging his authority and both his and her social role.

**Uptight: **It is as if he has a stick up his butt at all times because he is so stubborn that he will rarely make acceptations or be more lenient to important AtLA units such as AANG and KATARA units that have an important job to do like saving the world. This setting often goes hand in hand with his sexist setting.

**Sexist: **Your (MASTER) POOPHEAD unit; oops we mean (MASTER) PAKKU unit will refuse to teach a KATARA unit advanced waterbending moves because she is a girl at first; until she puts up a good fight with him.

**Arrogant: **Usually it will be about how much better his waterbending skills are than yours are and that you will never even come close to attaining the same level of skills he has. When in both arrogant and sexist mode at the same time, it will be about "keeping women in their place".

**Angry: **When people undermine his authority or challenge his and his people's ideals and will not just let him walk away from them.

**Surprise/Shock: **(level 1 lock) At his age he has nearly seen it all so not much will shock him at this point. But if a KATARA unit nearly decapitates him with a chunk of ice in a fight or finding out the whereabouts of a KANA unit he will be on this setting.

**Sad: **When remembering a KANA unit.

**Pleased: **When seeing his students perform well.

**Amused: **(Level 1 lock) This setting may show up unpredictably and usually simultaneously with other settings. It is rarely shown by outward expressions but believed to be the source of many of his sarcastic comments. When it is being outwardly expressed it is usually because someone who has pissed him off for awhile has finally got what they deserve; at least in his mind.

**-**

**Relations with other units: **Your PAKKU unit is certainly not a friendly unit being a grumpy old man and everything; and is compatible with only a few other units.

**KANA: **60 years ago this unit ditched your PAKKU unit for the South Pole to avoid marrying him since she didn't love him back; despite him being deeply in love with her. It seems that time really does heals all wounds and if a PAKKU unit comes to help out the Southern Water Tribe that there is a chance that they will get back together again and actually get married this time.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the unit that needs to learn waterbending from your PAKKU or not he will not give any special treatment to any AANG unit and may refuse to teach him if he shows up late for his first day of training (forget what day will be the first day; it is all on his terms) or teaches a KATARA unit what he learned.

**KATARA: **This unit is willing travel to literally to the ends of the earth just to be taught by him; it is little wonder why she will be mad enough to get into a physical fight with a PAKKU unit. Since he will initially refuse to teach a KATARA unit to waterbend, she will have to get into a fight and put up a good one in order to get your PAKKU unit to change his mind. In addition to that, he might have to see her necklace close up to realize that she is a KANA unit's granddaughter to get him to soften up enough to change his mind. And once he becomes an in-law he will treat a KATARA unit as if she were his own granddaughter.

**SOKKA:** A SOKKA unit will always get shorthanded by a PAKKU unit for unknown reasons. All we know is that he doesn't like SOKKA units anywhere nearly as much as KATARA units. Will not answer to "Grandpakku".

**(CHIEF) ARNOOK: **Very little is known about interactions with each other; but we do know that he has a very esteemed position on the tribe council. It seems that an ARNOOK unit has little authority over what decisions a PAKKU unit makes when it comes to his waterbending teaching.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your PAKKU unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. He seems to like noodles with octopus/squid tentacles in it.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: How is it that just fighting a KATARA unit will change his mind about allowing women to learn how to waterbend?

A: We are not entirely sure what exactly compels our PAKKU units to change their minds; but we think it might have partially to do with finding out that KATARA units are the granddaughter of KANA units and seeing the necklace that he carved himself being a major factor.

Q: What the hell is that thick brown "noodle" sitting in his bowl of noodles?

A: It is a tentacle believe it or not (strange; yes we know). Apparently PAKKU units enjoy eating calamari in their bowl of noodles.

Q: Why did KANA units decided to ditch all the PAKKU units for the South Pole 60 years ago?

A: Isn't it obvious? To escape the sexist customs of the Northern Water Tribe. Not only that but it was also partially due to the fact that PAKKU units are dicks (yes we believe he was one before and this only made it worse). She just wanted to live where she wouldn't need some dick. And we mean this in more ways than one.

Q: Why is my PAKKU unit so cold and distant towards my SOKKA unit by comparison to my KATARA unit?

A: We don't know for sure but it might be that PAKKU units have little respect for nonbenders; however he seems to get along fine with PIANDAO units. It could be that he just finds SOKKA units annoying.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your/a KATARA unit got into a fight with your PAKKU unit and he still refuses to teach her.

Solution: It may very well be that she did not put up a good enough fight and will have to try again or that he never saw her mother's necklace in the first place which can be a major contributing factor to convince him to change his mind. If he does see it then your/a KATARA unit will not have to fight nearly as hard as she would need to without that necklace.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your PAKKU unit should continue to teach many fine waterbenders, become less of a jerk, and maybe even get remarried to a KANA unit.


	22. Piandao

This fanfic was published on September 27, 2008.

* * *

**PIANDAO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated PIANDAO unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Swordsman, Swordsmith, Calligrapher, and Painter. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: PIANDAO

Date of Manufacture: About 45 years ago; the exact date is unknown

Place of Manufacture: Assembled in Shu Jing; but where in the Fire Nation the parts and materials came from is anyone's guess

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 6'0"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed because he is too busy doing his own things

-

**Your PIANDAO unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation outfit

One (1) Sword

One (1) Fat unit (Seriously that's his name; it's not a description) (this is a 2 for one deal)

One (1) Desk

Several sheets of paper

Three (3) Paint brushes

One (1) Case of black ink

Two (2) Paper weights

Two (2) Sets of sparring armor

Two (2) Wooden swords

Seven (7) Steel and iron bricks for making swords

One (1) Set of blacksmith tools

One (1) Kiln

One (1) White lotus tile

One (1) Tent for "old people camp"

One (1) Order of the White Lotus outfit

-

**Programming:**

Your PIANDAO unit is a highly versatile unit being a master swordsman, swordsmith, and artist.

**Master Swordsman:** (Default Program) Your PIANDAO unit is the best swordsman in the Fire Nation if not the world and can be equally matched with powerful benders. He is so good that he can have a realistic looking fake battle with a SOKKA unit where even he doesn't know it's fake and not put him in any real danger.

**Sword Training Instructor:** Many great swordsmen have come to your PIANDAO unit begging to be taught by him only to be rejected due to already being experts that don't really need any further instruction. It is interesting to note that he will however teach people that have little fighting experience and skills. Or he will just train anyone that is secretly against the Fire Nation. (A Water Tribe name will not fool him.)

**Swordsmith:** Your PIANDAO unit is the best swordsmith in the Fire Nation and does an outstanding job on the craftsmanship of both the swords and their sheaths that he makes. You can use this program to make money or to make swords for SOKKA units.

**Painter: **Your PIANDAO unit is an incredible artist and can make a fairly accurate landscape painting from only seeing the real landscape for just a few mere seconds and memorizing what it looks like.

**Calligrapher: **Can write fancy letters to people that look beautiful. Your friends will enjoy your letters that he writes to them. Well if they can read Chinese.

**Landscaper: **Your PIANDAO unit has built his own gardens and can certainly build you one. Not only can he plant trees and flowers but he can also get you some lion turtle statues for it.

**Order of the White Lotus Member:** Your PIANDAO unit is one of the youngest members of a centuries old secret society that believes in philosophy and beauty and is against the war. Along side 4 other OWL members (the other 2 are actually Fire Nation citizens as well) he will help take back Ba Sing Sei.

-

**Your PIANDAO unit has six (6) settings:**

**CAUTION: **Your PIANDAO unit's settings are difficult to distinguish due to his poker face and only slight changes in his tone of voice.

**Tranquil: **(Default Setting) This is the best description of your PIANDAO unit's default setting. We doubt that there is a more accurate word in the English language to describe it. Surprisingly considering that he's a swordsman, he is often in a meditative trance and rarely ever shows other emotions.

**Cynical: **Your PIANDAO unit will display this setting to everyone that comes to learn sword fighting from him. He is sick of warriors claiming to be the best swordsman from their villages and wanting to learn from him so that they can be the best.

**Embarrassed: **Usually by a SOKKA unit doing something goofy when he first gets to know one.

**Amused: **When he lets a SOKKA unit redecorate his garden and it freaks out a FAT unit or he sees some of a SOKKA unit's other antics.

**Angry:** This setting will be towards liars or people that are just full of themselves. While on this setting your PIANDAO unit might mock attack a SOKKA unit.

**WARNING:** Although your PIANDAO may not be trying to hurt a SOKKA unit, it is still possible that he might get damaged/destroyed.

**Happy:** When around other Order of the White Lotus members.

-

**Relations with other units:** Your PIANDAO unit is not a friendly unit unless you are not with the Fire Nation or you are an OWL member. Oddly enough we don't even have a good enough idea of what his relationships are like with other OWL members.

**SOKKA: **This is one of the most compatible units with your PIANDAO unit; not only will he find them to be amusing he will admire their creativity, versatility, and intelligence. Those three (3) traits are what he considers to be what defines a great swordsman.

**FAT: **We are not entirely sure about how a PIANDAO unit will interact with a FAT unit but it seems that they work as a PIANDAO unit's butler in exchange for sword fighting lesions as part of their payment.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your PIANDAO unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**-**

**Energy: **

Since sword fighting and blacksmithing uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. It should be noted that he likes his drinks with a slice of lemon.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why are PIANDAO units so wealthy?

A: While we do know for sure that a large bulk of the money they make is from swordsmithing and that their paintings might sell for quite a lot of money; we are unsure where the rest of their income comes from. It could be that PIANDAO units are sellouts and will teach anyone if they are bribed with enough money.

Q: How does my PIANDAO unit catch his sheath with his sword with his eyes closed?

A: Even if he is cheating with magnets it is still a mystery as mysterious as when the Nickelodeon executives decide when to air Avatar episodes.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: How can I tell if my PIANDAO unit is fighting for real or not?

Solution: There are a few subtle signs you need to look for in order to tell the difference. First of all; is he giving his opponent fighting instructions or tips? Secondly is he doing things like pushing instead of stabbing or stopping his sword in mid swing? Those are the two questions you need to ask yourself.


	23. Roku

This fanfic was originally published on January 17, 2008.

* * *

Thank you for taking interest in our collection of discontinued Avatar the Last Airbender units and having enough curiosity to get a replica manual of a ROKU unit.

112 years ago we discontinued our ROKU units to make way for our AANG units. Because of this we obviously ran out long ago so we don't have any new ROKU units available for sale; heck, we don't even have used ROKU units available for sale since we only have one working one and it is in our museum. If by some miracle that you happen to have a working ROKU unit we must congratulate you and your astonishing mechanic skills. This manual is a reprint of the original manual that was made specifically for the last person that had owned the ROKU unit in our museum. It even comes with answers to questions about used ROKU units in general (at the time) added and information on where that ROKU unit came from.

This ROKU unit has certainly seen better days; however compared to what conditions most ROKU units are in these days this is definitely one of the best. We don't know whether this ROKU unit had 2 or 3 previous owners and we only know about the last person to own this particular ROKU unit. The former owner had a good 20 years of use and the only reason why she returned him was because she was frust…err… having too many financial problems to keep up with maintenance expenses.

-

**ROKU: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u…err… certified pre-owned, fully automated ROKU unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Avatar. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: (AVATAR) ROKU

Date of Manufacture: 170 years ago, no wait it was 182 years ago. Gaah! Come on Mike and Bryan make up your minds!

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland (duh!))

Height: About 6'3"

Weight: He is too busy trying to stop SOZIN units from starting a war to allow to be weighed

-

**Your ROKU unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation robe

One (1) Topknot holder (royal artifact) courtesy of a SOZIN unit

One (1) FANG unit

One (1) Casual Fire Nation outfit (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Standard monk's outfit (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Parka (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit for earthbending training (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Pajamas

-

**Programming:**

Your ROKU unit is (was) the single most important AtLA unit being the Avatar and all. Therefore is a highly versatile unit.

**Avatar: **(Default Program) Unless you got the limited edition young version; ROKU units come as fully realized avatars.

**Firebender: **Automatically set; can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**Airbender: **Can be used for various purposes from flying, creating tornados, or for deflecting attacks.

**Waterbender:** Can be used for various purposes from a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to cutting through solid objects at high velocities.

**Earthbender: **Can be used for various purposes like climbing up mountains quickly, trying to hold back volcanoes, and hanging up SOZIN units.

**Spirit Guide:** Once your ROKU unit has been destroyed this is just about the only program you can use. This program is useful for AANG units who need advise or when there is something very important that your/an AANG unit really needs to know. **CAUTION:** While he can contact an AANG unit at any time he wishes; he himself can only be contacted on a solstice (both winter and summer).

-

**Your ROKU unit has six (6) settings:**

**Stoic:** (Default Setting)

**Angry:** When a SOZIN unit has done something that pisses him off like trying to start a war.

**Happy:** Usually activated when around/reminiscing about GYATSO units or around SOZIN units (young version only).

**Avatar State: **(Level 1 Lock) unless you have had a (FIRE SAGE) KAJA unit successfully help him unlock all his chakras.

**WARNING:** Destruction of a ROKU unit on this setting will end the Avatar Cycle and may cause the apocalypse.

**Regret/Sad: **Whenever he thinks about what he could have done to prevent the war from happening is when it is usually triggered.

**Surprised/Shock: **When he finds out that he is the Avatar (young version only) or a SOZIN unit is/has doing/done something terrible.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your ROKU unit is a friendly unit and is compatible with just about any other unit not doing something crazy.

**(FIRE LORD) SOZIN (formerly (PRINCE) SOZIN): **At first these two units are the most compatible with each other. But over time SOZIN units will become mad with power and complicate things to the point of being virtually incompatible. Despite this however; a SOZIN unit might decide to help out a ROKU unit that is in trouble.

**WARNING:** Once a SOZIN realizes to what extent of trouble your ROKU unit is in he could decide to leave your ROKU unit to die; if his corruption setting kicks in.

**(MONK) GYATSO: **If you have ever wondered why GYATSO and AANG units get along so well, this is the reason. When your ROKU went to learn airbending he was in the same class with a GYSTSO unit and became close friends with him.

**TA MIN: **At first your ROKU unit will be too shy to talk to her, but eventually they will fall in love with each other. (It is unclear if young ROKU units are chick magnets once it is known that he is the Avatar.) It is important that your ROKU unit gets together with a TA MIN unit or a very important AtLA won't exist. *cough* Zuko *cough*.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **This new unit needs someone from the spirit world to guide him through life every now and then. Your ROKU unit is an excellent candidate.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your ROKU unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that he is fed thrice daily. We think his favorite food might be cookies.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why doesn't my ROKU unit just kill a SOZIN unit if he wants to prevent the war?

A: That is because your ROKU can't due to being best friends when they were younger. In fact they were so close that some people have speculated that the young versions of ROKU and SOZIN units went through an experimental phase at one time or another.(i)

Q: Why is it that my ROKU unit (young version) is so clumsy despite his usual graceful appearance? I swear at times that he is the clumsiest Avatar the Last Airbender unit.

A: This is due to a bizarre genetic abnormality that your ROKU unit has. This problem should be gone by his early 20s based on what we have observed in older models.

Q: How can an IROH unit have a ROKU unit's topknot holder in his possession? Wasn't it buried under several meters of volcanic rock and ash?

A: We honestly don't know. But we suspect that it is a fake made by one of his kids.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my ROKU unit?

A: Unfortunately we discontinued making spare parts and accessories for our ROKU units years ago. The only ways you can get spare parts now is from used parts that have been cannibalized from other ROKU units or get new custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your ROKU unit wants to hold back not one (1) but two (2) volcanoes and you don't think that is safe.

Solution: Believe it or not but the main real danger posed to your ROKU unit is toxic gases like sulfur dioxide and methane as well as volcanic ash. So all you really need is a gas mask. If you don't already have one, we will sell you one for just §699.99.

**WARNING:** Will not protect your ROKU unit against pyroclastic flows.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your ROKU unit should become a great fully realized avatar.

* * *

(i) This joke is considerably more funny after seeing *foxysquid's comic strip about the _real_ secret history of Sozin at deviantart.


	24. Sokka

Please note that not all characters will have a 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, ect. versions if at all and the version number do not necessarily correspond with the book/season number. Because there wasn't much character change with Sokka between seasons 1 and 2, they will both be considered version 1.0 and season 3 Sokka will be considered version 2.0.

This fanfic was originally published on December 6, 2007.

* * *

**SOKKA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated SOKKA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Warrior, Boomerang Boy, Idea/Plan Guy, Swordsman, and 5th Wheel. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: SOKKA

Date of Manufacture: 15 years ago

Place of Manufacture: South Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (South)

Height: About 5'6"

Weight: Keeps falling off our scales but we think it's around 150lb

-

**Your SOKKA unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Water Tribe spear (Will probably break upon first real battle) (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Hunting knife (Prone to mysterious disappearances) (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Boomerang

One (1) Club

One (1) Machete (Doubles as a razor blade. (Scary thought))

One (1) Water Tribe outfit

One (1) Parka

Two (2) Sleeping bags, one (1) Water Tribe one for cold frigid nights and one (1) Earth Kingdom one for warmer nights.

Two (2) Knee pads

Two (2) Cups of cactus juice

One (1) Earth Kingdom pur…err satchel

One (1) Fire Nation disguise (version 2.0 and up)

One (1) Black iron sword via Piandao (version 2.0 and up) (Can also be used for Captain Blackock character reenactments from "Mind of Mencia") (i)

One (1) HAWKY unit (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Fake beard (version 2.0 and up)

One (1) Water Tribe armor (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Boiling Rock guard uniform (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Rose (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Tent for having se…err…romantic evenings with a SUKI unit (version 2.5 only)

Several candles for said romantic evenings (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Pair of black shorts/underwear? (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (Possibly formerly owned by a LU TEN unit) (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Bandage (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Crutch (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Fancy Earth Kingdom outfit (version 2.5 only)

-

**Programming:**

Your SOKKA unit is a highly versatile unit even though he may seem useless at times, not being able to bend and all and being an awful warrior (pre version 2.0) and artist.

**Warrior:** (Default Program)All SOKKA units can fight using a multitude of weapons; (skill is another thing all together) his favorite weapons being his boomerang and his sword. Can kick some serious butt in version 2.5.

**Hunter/Fisherman:** Your SOKKA unit not only loves to eat meat but he enjoys getting it the old fashion way himself even though he has a history of injuring himself. Whether it's getting stuck in holes or getting two (2) fishing hooks stuck in his thumb nothing will stop him from hunting or eating meat in the future for long.

**WARNING:** Do not allow your SOKKA unit to go hunting with a gun it would be almost as dangerous as being in the same woods that Dick Cheney happens to be in.

**Idea/Plan Guy: **Even though he may be lacking in common sense at times, he is actually a genius and can come up with some of the best ideas there are. He can even plan out your daily schedule in an efficient manner. Note that if he designs anything for you, you will need to redraw the blueprints yourself if you can figure out what the originals are suppose to be without him.

**Comedian:** Depressed? Need someone to lighten your day? Well look no further.

**CAUTION:** KATARA units make lousy replacements.

**Therapist:** Are you clinically depressed? Can't sleep? Have anger management issues? Dr. SOKKA can help.

**Artist:** Our worst SOKKA feature ever. Seriously someone had to have been drunk when this program was made.

-

**Your SOKKA unit has ten (10) settings:**

**Sarcasm: **(Default Setting)

**Klutz: **Basically on half of the time.

**Excited:** Usually activates during a brainstorming session. And at times when he is having fun or is shopping.

**Happy:** Activates whenever he is enjoying himself basically.

**Nervous/Panic:** When your SOKKA is in front of large crowds when they have his full attention or if a situation seems hopeless is when this setting will come up.

**Cynical: **Usuallyactivates when he first comes into contact of an AANG unit or at times, new ideas epically if it revolves around Fire Nation citizens capable of being normal people.

**Angry:** He is a pretty normal guy when it comes to the activation of this setting.

**Freaked:** Often activates whenever a bending mishap occurs.

**Xenophobic/Sexist:** Just get either a KATARA, SUKI, or TOPH unit to smack some sense into him whenever this setting pops up.

**Sad/Depressed:** Whenever a loved one dies (common if it's a girlfriend) or if he has a feeling of helplessness.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your SOKKA unit may take awhile to open up to people but is generally compatible with many units.

**KATARA:** Is the sister unit of all SOKKA units, is one of the most compatible units even though your SOKKA unit will piss her off from time to time. Will appear to be the younger of the two to outsiders when it comes to general responsibilities. But fear not, your SOKKA unit is quite capable of looking out for KATARA units.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **Isthe most compatible unit. At first your SOKKA unit will not like any AANG units but over time they will eventually become best friends. Your SOKKA unit can come up with plans for an AANG unit that are either really bad or really good. Because SOKKA units are known to be immature, your SOKKA unit will have someone to share his immature humor with.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **Even though TOPH units enjoy making jokes at a SOKKA unit's expense they are actually compatible due to some personality similarities. And are often seen holding onto a SOKKA unit when not on solid ground. TOPH units have been known to join in on AANG and SOKKA antics.

**WARNING:** Getting into a romantic relationship with a TOPH unit increases said unit's chance of a premature death.

**APPA:** Is mainly regarded as a source of transportation but won't have a problem grooming him while you go have fun.

**MOMO: **Regarded as a pet (which he basically is); your SOKKA unit will at first think of him as a source of food then after he has accepted a MOMO unit he will treat him like a golden retriever until he realizes that lemurs are not dogs. At some point your SOKKA unit will become attached to a MOMO unit to the point where he will frantically search an APPA unit's mouth for any missing MOMO units.

**SUKI: **Interactions with a SUKI unit are recommended to disprove to your SOKKA unit that girls can fight too by having her promptly beat the crap out of your SOKKA unit. Like your SOKKA unit, SUKI units are also warriors that can't bend; therefore he will have someone to confide in and develop a possible romantic relationship.

**WARNINIG:** May cause an MIA status of any SUKI units that gets involved with your SOKKA unit.

**Version 2.0:** Interactions with a SUKI unit are recommended to bust her out of prison. Just like in version 1.0 your SOKKA will have someone to confide in and have make out sessions with.

**CAUTION:** You could end up walking in on your SOKKA unit (with or without a nearby SUKI unit) and see something disturbing.

**(PRINCESS) YUE: **Will be love at first sight; however it's not meant to be, as YUE units are destined to be the moon spirit. This is why SOKKA units are so defensive of the moon spirit.

**HAKODA:** This is the paternal unit of your SOKKA unit and is the person that he aspires to be like. Because of this in part, HAKODA units are more compatible with SOKKA units than they are with KATARA units even though HAKODA units have been known to push aside SOKKA units.

**TY LEE: **TY LEE units have a bizarre obsession with SOKKA units and will constantly hit on your SOKKA unit given the opportunity, despite being on opposite sides.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **Are you kidding? That's a one-sided fight waiting to happen (pre Boiling Rock). That or hot yaoi fangirl fantasies (post Boiling Rock). But in all seriousness these two units will become close friends and it seems that ZUKO units develop a better sense of humor and sarcasm after they have some hot pr…err…male bonding with SOKKA units.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your SOKKA unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

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**Energy:**

Since falling down and running around uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily with high protein diet meals; also be sure to limit his peyote intake (The already endangered peyote cactus may go extinct; oh and your SOKKA unit might die of an overdose.) and keep him away from two-headed fish.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading SOKKA units is a hassle it will cost §100.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to SOKKA Version 2.0 first make sure that he and his group have stolen a Fire Nation ship, next head on down to the Fire Nation and steal some clothes, then find a PIANDAO unit to train him.

**2.5 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to version 2.5 first make sure that he has his fighting technique down, and then prepare for the invasion on the Day of Black Sun. That's all there is to it.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that my SOKKA unit is so clumsy?

A: This is due to the 5th wheel bug problem that we just can't seem to get rid of; so all SOKKA units are clumsy and yours is no exception.

Q: If we're supposed to limit his peyote intake then why do SOKKA units come with cactus juice?

A: We don't know what goes into the executives' decisions about what accessories go with all of our Avatar the Last Airbender units, but we think that it might be related the decision to give onion-banana juice to all of our GURU PATHIK units.

Q: I know it's not safe to allow my SOKKA unit to hunt with a gun but is it okay to let him go bow hunting?

A: Well it's safer but knowing him it is probably still too risky; so you might want to just stick with the weapons that your SOKKA unit comes with.

Q: A few days ago I sent my SOKKA unit out to go make some money using his therapist program and he hasn't come back yet.

A: Hmm… that's odd. Wait a minute now that you mention it; we got a complaint from a ZUKO owner in your area earlier this week about a therapist burning incident. You might want to check all the local morgues and ask if any of them have any charred corpses.

Q: I just noticed that my SOKKA unit is often wearing some black shorts or a Fire Nation swimsuit instead of his usual Water Tribe underwear. What is up with that?

A: It appears that your SOKKA unit has developed a taste in Fire Nation underwear. This is somewhat strange given their initial attitude about the Fire Nation. In fact we would expect a SOKKA unit to say something like this: "We're in enemy territory; this is enemy underwear!" That or he ruined his old underwear or it's just dirty.

Q: How is it that an OZAI unit can skid for several meters, bouncing on the ground and not break a single bone; while my SOKKA unit easily breaks his leg falling off the top of a zeppelin to the bottom?

A: This is due to two reasons the first one being that whenever earthbending gets involved all AtLA units will suddenly become more damage resistant. Secondly SOKKA units just have the bad luck of falling and landing in often the worst possible way due to their klutz setting.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your SOKKA unit thinks that someone in the room was lit on fire and is worshiping imaginary giant mushrooms.

Solution: What did we tell you about limiting his peyote intake! Since it's too late to do that right now you will have to go find his stash of cactus juice and hide it from him. This should prevent any further instances. If he is in a desert get him out of there!

Problem: You have a TY LEE unit that won't leave your SOKKA unit alone.

Solution: Get a restraining order dufus. Or better yet get five (5)(ii) different guys to hit on her simultaneously; that should freak her out enough to steer clear away from boys for awhile. Possibly even cause enough psychological damage to the point where she will start hitting on AZULA units instead.

Problem: Your SOKKA unit has lost both his boomerang and his sword.

Solution: We will sell you replacements for just §700 shipping and handling is free.

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With proper care and maintenance, your SOKKA unit should be able to become a great warrior.

* * *

i After seeing a rerun of "Mind of Mencia" that had a "Pirates of the Caribbean" parody I just couldn't get the mental image out of my head. I dare you to say Blackock out loud.

ii I originally said six different guys but I re-looked at screen captures and noticed that it was actually five guys that were hitting on Ty Lee in "The Beach". Somehow I got it into my head that six guys were hitting on her.


	25. Sozin

This fanfic was originally published on April 14, 2008

Again I apologize for not writing in almost a month. I was and probably still am having writer's block and my reemerged Runescape addiction hasn't helped much. Mainly due to the fact that I am getting a lot of Ursa requests and while it seems that she is a complex character, so little is known about her. I have nothing against this character but I can't seem to be able to find enough information to write about her; it would be mostly assumptions. You never realize just how little screen time she has had until you actually look for it; plus Ursa hasn't been mentioned very often in other episodes. I doubt that unless she has another episode appearance that I will be able to write about her. Not to mention that I am a little peeved that my spell checker wants me to change her name to Urea even though there are 2 constellations with the word ursa in it.

Yes I know I said that I would have the rest of it within a week. Curse you Avatar withdrawal symptom!

* * *

Thank you for taking interest in our collection of discontinued Avatar the Last Airbender units and having enough curiosity to get a replica manual of a SOZIN unit.

80 years ago we discontinued our SOZIN units because they were getting too outdated and crazy. Because of this we obviously ran out long ago so we don't have any new SOZIN units available for sale; heck, we don't even have used SOZIN units available for sale since we only have one working one and it is in our museum. If by some miracle that you happen to have a working SOZIN unit we must congratulate you and your outstanding mechanic skills. This manual is a reprint of the original manual that was made specifically for the last person that had owned the SOZIN unit in our museum. It even comes with answers to questions about used SOZIN units in general (at the time) added and information on where that SOZIN unit came from.

This SOZIN unit has certainly seen better days; however compared to what conditions most SOZIN units are in these days this is definitely one of the best. We have reason to believe this SOZIN unit had 5 previous owners and we only know about the last person to own this particular SOZIN unit. The former owner had a good 7 years of use and the only reason why he returned him was because he was frust…err… having too many financial problems to keep up with maintenance expenses.

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**SOZIN: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u…err… certified pre-owned, fully automated SOZIN unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Fire Lord. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**WARNING:** Not available for sale at any of the four (4) Air Temples for obvious reasons.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (FIRE LORD) SOZIN

Date of Manufacture: 170 years ago; no wait it was 182 years ago. Gaah! Come on Mike and Bryan make up your minds!

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland (duh!))

Height: About 5'10"

Weight: He is too busy with war plans to allow to be weighed

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**Your SOZIN unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Robe

One (1) Fire Nation outfit (not a heavy robe people it's more normal clothing)

One (1) Crown/Topknot holder

One (1) Fiery throne

One (1) Sparring outfit (Limited edition young version only)

One (1) Blue dragon

One (1) Diary

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**Programming:**

Your SOZIN unit is a reasonably versatile unit. With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks. Okay, so you will probably have to bribe him at times.

**WARNING:** Some SOZIN unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Fire Lord:** (Default Program) Your SOZIN unit runs his own country with an iron fist and wants to expand his empire; what can we say? At least you can enjoy the perks out of it.

**Firebender: **Can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight. While he is no match for the Avatar, he has a unique ability to transfer heat from one source to another.

**Arsonist: **Well your SOZIN unit is a firebender enough said.

**Avatar Tracker: **Towards the end of our continuation of our SOZIN units we have had this program installed so your SOZIN unit can finish his genocidal goal; but unfortunately they apparently suck at it.

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**Your SOZIN unit has seven (7) settings:**

**WARNING: **SOZIN units are sadistically crazy and are not user friendly.

**Megalomania:** (Default Setting) Your SOZIN unit is on this setting nearly all the time. If he wasn't he wouldn't be preoccupied with world domination.

**Corruption:** This is what will cause your SOZIN unit's personality to just go down hill after obtaining power.

**Cold Hearted:** The longer you own this unit the more frequent this setting will be on. Apathetical is an understatement.

**Angry:** When a ROKU unit has done something that pisses him off like preventing him from starting a war.

**Genocidal Maniac:** Seriously; your SOZIN unit will have really lost it by the time this gets activated.

**WARNING:** Keep away all Air Nomads when on this setting.

**Happy:** When around a ROKU unit is the usual cause. Note this is almost never seen in the older versions of our SOZIN units.

**Cocky:** SOZIN units are often cocky if they are highly confident in either their abilities or predictions. This setting often goes hand in hand with his megalomania setting.

**-**

**Relations with other units: **Your SOZIN unit is actually friendly at first; but will gradually over time become increasingly less friendly and will only be compatible with a few other units.

**(AVATAR) ROKU: **At first these two units are the most compatible with each other. But over time SOZIN units will become mad with power and complicate things to the point of being virtually incompatible. Despite this however; a SOZIN unit might decide to help out a ROKU unit that is in trouble.

**DATA ENTRY LOST:** It appears that someone has erased all of our records on SOZIN unit interactions with other AtLA units. We have no idea when this happened or who did it but we were only able to recover the information regarding ROKU units. Based on allegations that Fire Nation schools are currently teaching inaccurate/bastardized historical accounts on the genocide of the Air Nomads, many have pointed the blame on SOZIN units themselves.

**Cleaning:**

Your SOZIN unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

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**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. He most likely prefers to eat food fit for a fire Lord.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why would my SOZIN unit want help a ROKU unit out if he is willing to just leave him to die because he wants to start a war?

A: That is because your SOZIN unit instinctively wants to due to being best friends when they were younger. In fact they were so close that some people have speculated that the young versions of ROKU and SOZIN units went through an experimental phase at one time or another.(i) That or for the publicity so he will look good in the eyes of the public.

Q: Why is it that SOZIN units don't even try to produce heirs until basically the last minute? Are they impotent or something?

A: The fact that they are even able to produce offspring at such an old age is a clear indication that they are not; so it has to be something else because this is awfully fishy. This has lead to wild speculation that SOZIN units are possibly gay. The fact that SOZIN units seem to have started to go crazy around the time our TA MIN units started to show interest in our ROKU units would seem to support this theory if it weren't for the fact that he coincidentally became the Fire Lord just a few years prior; this factor is strong enough to completely throw off the gay theory. However, most recent studies on AZULA unit interactions and behaviors that have lead to speculation that she has possibly inherited the gay gene (though it seems be more from environmental factors) have helped rekindle the gay theory.

Q: How did the SOZIN units start the dragon hunting tradition? Did one take a drunken trip to the stables one night and kill his own dragon and then needed a cover-up excuse?

A: We still don't know how or when it started but your speculation wouldn't surprise us if were indeed true.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my SOZIN unit?

A: Unfortunately we discontinued making spare parts and accessories for our SOZIN units years ago. The only ways you can get spare parts now is from used parts that have been cannibalized from other SOZIN units or get new custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your SOZIN unit has completely lost it and you don't know what to do with him during his temporary insane outbursts.

Solution: Get either an earthbender of a ROKU unit to hang him up until he finally calms down.

Problem: A ROKU unit came barging in on your SOZIN unit, started a fight, and destroyed his fiery throne as well as taken out a wall of your home.

Solution: Fortunately your SOZIN unit's throne is insured (we can't say the same for your home insurance covering angry avatars) if it does get destroyed we will replace it with one that is just as good or even more kick ass.

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With proper care and maintenance, your SOZIN unit should have his "great visionary ideas" realized for generations to come.

* * *

i This joke is considerably more funny after seeing *foxysquid's comic strip about the _real_ secret history of Sozin at deviantart.


	26. Suki

This fanfic was originally published on January 3, 2008.

* * *

On October 13, 2006 we discontinued our SUKI units, at least for the time being. We don't know indefently whether or not we will continue our SUKI units again. Until November of 2007 it appeared that SUKI units would most likely be discontinued permanently. At that time rumors had been circulating on the internet that production of SUKI units might be continued again as well as our URSA units. These rumors were confirmed by our executives when they officially came forward with the announcement on November 30, 2007.

**May 2, 2008 update: **We have not only decided to recontinue our SUKI units but also make a Version 2.0. So far all we can tell you about this new version is that while she does not come with any of her original accessories she will come with a Boiling Rock prison uniform and a Fire Nation disguise. In addition to this she will have a main character feature in her programming. Stay tuned for more information on the Post Traumatic Stress/Spider Woman, SUKI Version 2.0.

Because of this at least temporary discontinuation we ran out of new SUKI units several months ago so we only have used SUKI units available for sale. This manual is a reprint with answers to questions about discontinued SUKI units in general added and information on where your SUKI unit came from.

This SUKI unit was in pretty poor shape when she was returned to us. The previous owner, while satisfied with his SUKI unit, just couldn't keep up with the maintenance and maintenance charges. After doing around the clock tune-ups and fixtures, your SUKI unit is now in good condition. Because we make sure that our customers are not sold pieces of crap we had an inspector do some tests to ensure that your SUKI won't breakdown for at least another 6 months; honest.

-

**SUKI: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u… err… certified pre-owned, fully automated SUKI unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Kyoshi Warrior. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: SUKI

Date of Manufacture: 15 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Kyoshi Island

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Kyoshi Islander)

Height: About 5'6"

Weight: She refuses to take off her armor so we can weigh her so we wouldn't be able be an accurate measurement anyways

-

**Your** **SUKI unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Kyoshi Warrior uniform

Two (2) Fans

One (1) Makeup kit

One (1) Security guard uniform

One (1) Sleeping bag

One (1) Katana

One (1) Shield

-

**Programming:**

Your SUKI unit is a reasonably versatile unit that can perform various tasks.

**(Kyoshi) Warrior:** (Default Program)All SUKI units can fight using three (3) different weapons with quite a lot of skill. To grasp at how good of a warrior she is, take into consideration that she has the highest known rank out of all the Kyoshi Warriors at the age of 15! That or the Kyoshi Warriors just suck.

**WARNING:** Do not allow your SUKI unit to engage in combat with the Ozai Angels or it will end badly for your SUKI unit.

**Karate Instructor:** Your SUKI unit is a martial arts expert and can show you a thing or two.

**Security Guard:** Somehow your SUKI unit gets stuck doing this job when she tries to help out her country in the war effort. But at least now she has experience handling large crowds and escorting civilians.

**Life Guard:** Need someone to be the spotter at your pool to keep people that can't swim from drowning? Well look no further.

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**Your SUKI unit has seven (7) settings:**

**Hostility: **Whenever she comes across someone new she will show hostility towards them.

**Sarcasm: **Your SUKI unit is capable of being sarcastic when someone says something that is complete bullshit.

**Happy:** Activates whenever she is enjoying herself basically; which would include kicking a SOKKA unit's butt or making him wear a dress.

**Surprise/Shock:** When something weird happens like a SOKKA unit beating her in a karate class or a TOPH unit kissing her for no apparent reason.

**Fear:** Let's face it your SUKI unit is not completely fearless and will be on this setting when in a fight where she doesn't have the upper hand or a sea monster pops out of nowhere.

**Depression:** Whenever a SOKKA unit won't put out because he misses a YUE unit. Or has been held captive for too long; if the rumors of her being alive are true.

**Jealousy:** (Limited edition chibi and 2.0 versions only) Will cause your SUKI unit to get into a catfight with a YUE unit (chibi version). Or gets secretly mad at a SOKKA unit.

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**Relations with other units:**

Your SUKI unit may be hostile to strangers at first until she assesses that they are not a threat to her; but is generally compatible with many units once she gets to know them.

**SOKKA: **Interactions with a SOKKA unit are recommended to disprove to them that girls can fight too by having her promptly beat the crap out of that SOKKA unit. Like your SUKI unit, SOKKA units are also warriors that can't bend; therefore she will have someone to confide in and develop a possible romantic relationship.

**WARNINIG:** May cause an MIA status of your SUKI unit if she gets involved with a SOKKA unit.

**APPA:** If she finds a missing APPA unit she will clean him all up, treat any injuries, and take care of him as long as she can.

**MOMO: **Apparently she likes MOMO units.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA:** We strongly advise against fighting this unit unless you are trying to upgrade her. Once she has seen your SUKI unit with an APPA unit she will know immediately that she is associated with the Avatar and will come after your SUKI for questioning.

**MAI:** Would otherwise leave your SUKI unit alone if it weren't for the fact that she is part of the Ozai Angels.

**TY LEE:** Would otherwise leave your SUKI unit alone if it weren't for the fact that she is part of the Ozai Angels.

**CAUTION:** Fighting a TY LEE unit could trigger her WTF setting.

**TOPH BEI FONG:** Now that we discontinued our (PRINCESS) YUE units and because SOKKA units would rather avoid TY LEE units, this is what is left of your SUKI unit's competition for a SOKKA unit.

**CAUTION:** If a TOPH unit saves your SUKI unit's life we advise that your SUKI unit properly thanks that TOPH unit unless she plans on saving that TOPH unit in return. Or else you might have rocks hurled at your SUKI unit.

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**Cleaning:**

Your SUKI unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry, and remove any makeup before doing so.

-

**Energy:**

Since fighting and running around uses up a lot of chi, make sure that she is fed thrice daily.

-

**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading SUKI units is a hassle and due the risk of getting destroyed in the process (fortunately it is not as high as previously thought) it will cost §450.00 extra for the upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to SUKI Version 2.0 first have her fight an AZULA unit. Your SUKI unit will lose this battle and become a POW; uh we hope. Your SUKI unit will be singled out as the leader and be transferred to the Boiling Rock prison. Next get a SOKKA and a ZUKO unit to bust her out and then get your SUKI unit to take the warden as a hostage if need be. Additional assistance from a HAKODA and a CHIT SANG unit (if you can find any) as well as the unexpected help from a MAI and TY LEE unit may be needed.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my SUKI unit?

A: Even if we permanently discontinue our SUKI units we will still make spare parts and accessories for her until January 1, 2009. After that once we run out of new parts in storage you will have to get used parts that have been cannibalized from other SUKI units or get custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

Q: Will and when will you ever decide whether or not to continue making SUKI units again?

A: We have made a rough deadline on our final decision to be made sometime in May of 2008 at the latest.

**May 2, 2008 update:** We have finally made the decision to recontinue our SUKI units. They will become available again on May 6, 2008; though some people have already managed to get a hold of some copies as early as April 25, 2008. But because the executives are being dicks about when they want to release SUKI Version 2.0, (too bad for them but good for you, that it is too late to push back the original release date) the supply will be limited until July and the manual for this new version will not come out before then.

Q: What would happen if my SUKI unit were to get into a fight with an AZULA unit or any of the other Ozai Angels?

A: There is only one of three possible outcomes; your SUKI unit gets killed, your SUKI unit is alive but naked somewhere, or your SUKI unit gets captured.

Q: How is it that my SUKI unit can go for a swim without her mascara running?

A: We don't know; but we think it has to do with cartoon magic making it possible to defy the laws of physics.

Q: I just saw a TOPH unit kissing my SUKI unit; is there some kind of yuri virus going around?

A: No your SUKI unit was just kissed out of mistaken identity.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your SUKI unit lost her Kyoshi Warrior uniform while she was/you were cleaning her/herself.

Solution: Most likely her clothes were stolen by either a MAI, TY LEE, or an AZULA unit. This may have been for the best since they needed disguises in order to sneak into Ba Sing Sei. They might have killed your SUKI in order to get it if she was wearing it. You will have to look for either one of these units wearing her clothes and steal it back from them. If you can't do that we will sell you a replacement one for just §99.99.

Problem: You are having trouble getting your SUKI unit's makeup off.

Solution: Try using rubbing alcohol or hydrogen peroxide or just about any acidic substance. Hopefully it will not burn your SUKI unit's skin off.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your SUKI unit should be able to become a great warrior and not go MIA.


	27. Suki part II

This fanfic chapter was originally published on August 8, 2008.

* * *

On May 6, 2008 we recontinued our SUKI units and went into full scale production on July 14, 2008. The first time we have ever recontinued an Avatar the Last Airbender unit. We are now considering recontinuing our URSA units as well; that is if we can find the original blueprints.

**SUKI (Version 2.0): Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

As you may have noticed, the maintenance and care of a SUKI Version 2.0 is considerably different than version 1.0. Therefore a completely new manual is needed.

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated SUKI Version 2.0 ensure you get the full benefits of your Kyoshi Warrior and Prison Escapee. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: SUKI

Date of Manufacture: 15 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Kyoshi Island

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Kyoshi Islander)

Height: About 5'6"

Weight: We can't get her to stop climbing all over the walls long enough to weigh her

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**Your** **SUKI Version 2.0 unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Boiling Rock prisoner uniform (female)

One (1) Fire Nation disguise

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (possibly formerly owned by an URSA unit)

One (1) Towel

One (1) Fancy Earth Kingdom outfit

Please note that her original accessories are not included but if you use her to help defeat the nearest OZAI unit we will ship them to you free of charge.

-

**Programming:**

Your SUKI (version 2.0) unit is a reasonably versatile unit that can perform various tasks.

**(Kyoshi) Warrior:** (Default Program) She may be out of uniform but that doesn't mean that she isn't a Kyoshi Warrior at heart. Even though she doesn't come with her weapons your SUKI (version 2.0) unit's martial arts skills have improved phenomenally from version 1.0 and are now equally matched with a TY LEE unit.

**POW:** Your SUKI unit has been held prisoner with common criminals for several months and in that time she has learned how to survive in prison.

**WARNING:** Do not allow a masked SOKKA unit to attempt to kiss your SUKI unit or he will be mistaken for a sex offender.

**Spider Suki:** Although she is not a superhero she can use this program to scale walls quickly. Good for capturing hostages or climbing and destroying zeppelins.

**Janitor:** She may not like it, but she can be your janitor for you.

**Hostage Taker:** Need to capture a prisoner for a hostage situation? Well look no further.

**Impersonator:** Your SUKI unit can do impersonations of the over dramatic actress playing her at the Ember Island Theater to get you back stage; and it is quite possible for her to do other impersonations as well.

-

**Your SUKI unit has eight (8) settings:**

**Main Character Feature: **(Default setting) While this has no effect on her overall personality; we added this special chip that is active 24/7 that will make your SUKI (version 2.0) unit a main character. The benefits of this feature are that it greatly reduces your SUKI unit's chances of being killed off and allows her to be useful when around other main character AtLA units for extended periods of time.

**Hostility: **Whenever she comes across someone new she will show hostility towards them. Especially in a prison environment.

**Depression/Boredom: **When your SUKI unit has been in prison too long or she is or thinks she is being ignored by a SOKKA unit.

**Happy:** Activates whenever she is enjoying herself basically which would include busting out of prison/busting out of prison suddenly becoming feasible, taking her prison warden hostage, or remembering/seeing a theater interpretation of her making a SOKKA unit wear a dress and him asking if his butt looks big.

**Nervous:** Right before having se…err…a romantic evening with a SOKKA unit. Or when she is next to an unconscious and maybe dead OZAI unit and to some extent, fighting on top of a gondola over a boiling lake.

**Angry:** When fighting a TY LEE unit or simultaneously with her jealousy setting.

**Jealousy:** If she finds out that the nearest SOKKA unit made out with a YUE unit.

**Sarcasm: **Your SUKI unit just barely has this setting anymore due to being in prison for too long and when it comes to smart aleck comments her wittiness is rusty.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your SUKI (version 2.0) unit may be hostile to strangers and prison guards at first until she assesses that whether or not they are a threat to her and will continue to try to ra…err…annoy; uh yeah, just annoy and only annoy her (Oh who are we kidding at least one guard had to have tried it at least once.); but is generally compatible with many other units once she gets to know them.

**SOKKA: **Interactions with a SOKKA unit are recommended to bust your SUKI unit out of prison. Like your SUKI unit, SOKKA units are also warriors that can't bend; therefore she will have someone to confide in and have make out sessions with.

**CAUTION:** You could end up walking in on a nearby SOKKA unit (with or without your SUKI unit) and see something disturbing.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO Version 3.5: **At first it will be completely awkward given that a ZUKO (version 1.0) unit at one time or another has burned down a SUKI unit's village; but it seems that if a ZUKO (version 3.5) unit helps her bust out of prison she will eventually forgive him and probably except him as well.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **It seems that TOPH units will eventually accept the fact that SOKKA units are more romantically compatible with SUKI units than they are with TOPH units and become friends with your SUKI unit. However she will be on the lookout for every breakup opportunity between your SUKI unit and a/your SOKKA unit and swarm him like a vulture if it does happen. But in the meantime she will try to bond with/hit on the nearest ZUKO (version 3.5) unit to fill the void. (Don't ask we are not entirely sure ourselves.)

**KATARA:** Not as well documented as with the rest of the members of the gaang. It appears that they get along but unfortunately we know next to nothing about their more complex interactions. Sadly there was just no time for a girls' day out when observing them because they were either too busy looking for missing AANG units or trying to save the world.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** Not as well documented as with the rest of the members of the gaang ironically enough. It seems that she knows them well enough that AANG units don't have it in them to intentionally take the life of another human being that she would be shocked and somewhat mortified if she finds out he did or she thinks he did.

**APPA:** Considering how she treats APPA units in version 1.0 we can only assume that she is willing to step in and take care of an APPA unit if an AANG unit goes missing.

**MOMO: **Apparently she likes MOMO units and that hasn't changed.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA:** All we know is that your SUKI unit was once an AZULA unit's favorite prisoner and we really cringe at the thought.

**MAI:** Would rather not go after and stop your SUKI unit from escaping from prison (That is her uncle's job after all.) and probably won't unless she has yet to betray an AZULA unit (in version 2.5) and she is really insistent that she goes after her or she believes that your SUKI unit might harm her uncle if he is in her custody. The good news however is that she might actually be of aid in your SUKI unit's escape if she is escaping with a ZUKO unit.

**TY LEE:** Would otherwise leave your SUKI unit alone if it weren't for the fact that she is part of the Ozai Angels. Your SUKI unit will be more than eager to have a rematch with a TY LEE unit.

-

**Cleaning and Energy:**

The instructions for both the cleaning and energy are the same; the only difference is that you probably won't have to remove her makeup before the manual cleaning.

**WARNING:** Not recommended for male users to hand wash.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: My SUKI (version 2.0) unit just beat the crap out of me just for walking up to her. I am so suing your ass!/Can I have a refund?

A: As long as you are not a registered sex offender you may get a refund in this case. But as for suing goes we are not in any way liable for your SUKI (version 2.0) unit and it even includes that if it turned out to be your first time offense.

Q: How is my SUKI (version 2.0) able to climb walls that fast? Plus I often don't see anything she could hold on to much of the time; how does she do it?

A: That is because we gave her retractable branched hairs on the palms of her hands so she can climb almost any surface. The only other units that we make with this feature are the PEATER PARKER units from our Spiderman line. Hence the name Spider Suki in the programming.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You are unhappy that your SUKI (version 2.0) unit did not come with any of her original accessories and you can't wait around for an AANG unit to defeat an OZAI unit and or want to risk getting your SUKI unit destroyed in the process.

Solution: If you really want these items and don't want to take any risks and or wait for the right opportunity, we will sell them to you for just §899.99.

Problem: Your SUKI unit is clearly in denial about wanting to see a SOKKA unit and is acting weird.

Solution: This is because a SOKKA unit wants to have uh, a romantic evening your SUKI unit with roses and candles and everything for the first time. Clearly it is understandable that she would be a little nervous about it. So just pretend to be oblivious about it and whatever you do, DO NOT walk into that tent/room unannounced!

-

With proper care and maintenance, your SUKI unit should be able to become a great warrior and get her fellow Kyoshi Warriors out of jail.


	28. Teo

This fanfic was originally published on March 2, 2008.

* * *

**TEO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated TEO unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Hang-Glider Operator and Tank Driver. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: TEO

Date of Manufacture: 13 or 14 years ago (exact date has yet to be determined)

Place of Manufacture: Somewhere near the Northern Air Temple

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Northern)

Height: It's not like we can get him to stand up so we can measure him

Weight: Refuses to get out of his wheelchair so we can weigh him

-

**Your TEO unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Pair of Goggles

One (1) Set of Earth Kingdom clothes (pants questionably included)

One (1) Mega roll of bandages

One (1) Wheelchair

One (1) Special Glider (Can be attached to his wheelchair)

One (1) Smokescreen thingy (for writing/drawing in the sky)

One (1) Slink tank

One (1) Reserved Parking/Handicapped sign (Limited edition chibi version only)

-

**Programming:**

Your TEO unit is a somewhat versatile unit (but not by much). With the right coaxing and the occasional assistance he can perform quite a few tasks.

**Professional Hang-glider: **(Default Program) Your TEO unit is an expert hang-glider despite his disability and can be very entertaining to watch him do loop de loops. Now if only it were a recognized sport in the Special Olympics.

**Sky Writer:** Need to write extravagant messages or crude pictures in the sky but don't have a lot of money to blow on it multiple times? Your TEO unit will do this for you for free and the only expense that you will pay will be on the special smoke replacements.

**Tank Driver: **Are you trying to assemble your own private army and need someone to operate a tank or just want to frighten the crap your neighbors?

**Temple Explorer:** Our possible most annoying TEO feature; this program will make your TEO unit eager to explore the Western Air Temple even when his breaks need to be fixed. But it is at least useful to have when you don't want him to be around at the moment.

**WARNING:** We are not liable if your TEO unit goes careening off a cliff/ledge and is destroyed/seriously damaged due to having wheelchair break malfunctions.

-

**Your TEO unit has five (5) settings:**

**Happy: **Normally you would think that someone who is a paraplegic wouldn't be happy as often as the average person; but, however TEO units seem to be naturally happy most of the time.

**Excited: **When showing off his hang-gliding skills, exploring the Western Air Temple, or aTHE MACHINIST unit has invented something new is when this setting is normally triggered.

**Depressed:** When all seems hopeless.

**Shocked/Angry: **When he discovers a THE MACHINIST unit has been making Fire Nation weapons.

**Bad Ass:** When driving his slink tank

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your TEO unit is a very friendly and easy going unit; and is nearly compatible with all other AtLA units (Fire Nation solders being the exception).

**THE MACHINIST:** This is paternal unit of your TEO unit and who he looks up to despite his wackiness. That is until he finds out he makes weapons. Nonetheless a THE MACHINIST unit will go out of his way to ensure the wellbeing of your TEO unit and is probably showing your TEO unit the ropes so he can follow in his footsteps.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** At first AANG units will look down on your TEO unit for gliding without the use of airbending (has no spirit according to him) and will get into a gliding competition. Once your TEO unit either equally matches or outdoes him, an AANG unit will slowly gain your TEO units respect. Note that any AANG units have to get over the fact that they were beaten at their own game before this will happen. Once the two have become friends they will enjoy showing each other some things.

**KATARA:** Your TEO unit would love to show a KATARA unit how to hang-glide.

**HARU: **Will explore the Western Air Temple with your TEO unit (with poor breaks!) so he can be conveniently/inconveniently somewhere else when you don't really need a HARU or your TEO unit around or could use him depending on the situation. Note that only the absence of a HARU and not a TEO unit is a real potential inconvenience unless he has a tank or something.

**THE DUKE:** Similar to HARU interactions; THE DUKE units will come along and explore the Western Air Temple with your TEO unit.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your TEO unit is nearly fully capable of cleaning himself. (Do not be surprised if he requests your assistance if the nearest bathing facilities aren't entirely suitable for him; this can also apply to waste removal.) But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since doing wheelies and loop de loops uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Isn't it hard enough as it is for my TEO unit to use the bathroom let alone unwrap the bandages around his legs?

A: We take it that you either just got your TEO unit, is being delivered and hasn't arrived yet, or you are thinking about buying one. Because you will find out soon enough.

Q: You said that pants are questionably included so does that mean that TEO units often go around pantless?

A: First of all we don't know; secondly we don't want to know.

Q: I don't have the room to keep a slink tank. Or there is a city ordinance against driving tanks down the street where I live. Can I get a TEO unit without his tank? (i)

A: Yes you can get a TEO unit without a slink tank however despite the fact that the slink tank is worth §20,000 you will only get a §300 discount to make up for the fact that we actually lose some money on the deal from making the slink tank an accessory for our TEO units.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your TEO unit is never around when you need him.

Solution: Solution just make him ditch any nearby HARU and THE DUKE units.

Problem: Your TEO unit's wheelchair was lost/damaged and you need a replacement one.

Solution: We will sell you one for just §999.99 plus shipping and handling.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your TEO unit should continue to impress people with his hang-gliding skills and maybe even follow in his father's footsteps.

* * *

i If you have ever seen "Wildest Police Chases" there are a few episodes that have that infamous footage of someone after steeling a tank and driving it down a suburban street, you wouldn't be surprised if there was a city that has such an ordinance.


	29. Toph

Please note that not all characters will have a 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, ect. versions if at all and the version numbers do not necessarily correspond with the book/season number. Because Toph wasn't introduced until the second season, season 2 Toph will be considered version 1.0 and season 3 Toph will be considered version 2.0.

This fanfic was originally published on December 11, 2007.

* * *

**TOPH: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated TOPH unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Earthbender. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: TOPH BEI FONG

Date of Manufacture: 12 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Gaoling

Nationality/Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom (Southwestern) (i)

Height: About 5'1"

Weight: We know it's at least 100 lb but our TOPH units keep metalbending the scale just to mess with us.

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**Your TOPH unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Earth Kingdom outfit

One (1) Dress (She may refuse to wear it.)

One (1) Earth Rumble VI championship belt

One (1) Fire Nation disguise (version 2.0 and up)

One (1) Arm bracelet from a SOKKA unit. (Good for practicing metalbending on.) (version 2.0 and up)

Two (2) Studded cufflinks (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Helmet (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Shoulder protector thingy (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Melon Lord dummy (version 2.5 only)

One (1) Fancy Earth Kingdom outfit (version 2.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your TOPH unit is a highly versatile unit being a master earthbender and being the only earthbender that can metalbend. (version 1.0 aside) With each upgrade she will become even more versatile.

**Earthbender:** (Default Program) Possibly the greatest if not the most powerful earthbender; she can use this ability for a wide range of things from setting up her own "tent" to hurling rocks at people. This program allows her to overcome her disability by sensing vibrations in the ground to "see". While not a perfect compensation (she can't see objects in the air or fine details on flat objects) this almost completely makes up for being blind.

**Earthbending Teacher: **Well someone needs to teach AANG units how to earthbend. With all KING BUMI units imprisoned and HARU units driving out Fire Nation solders in their areas; it certainly won't be them.

**Metalbender:** (Version 2.0 and up) TOPH units are the only earthbenders even capable of bending processed metals (not with your bare hands you smart alecks). Only a wooden cell can contain your TOPH unit!

**Etiquettes Teacher:** She may not be "Ms. Manners", but she does know how to act polite given her background. Even though she has chosen to leave her many of her manners behind, she can still teach people proper etiquette when need be.

**Lie Detector:** Need a walking lie detector wherever you go? Look no further.

**CAUTION:** Ineffective on AZULA units.

**Scammer:** Need to make some quick cash? TOPH units can use their earthbending to cheat at certain gambling games. Not only that, but you can use your TOPH unit to fake a car accident and make it look like the driver hit a blind pedestrian. You can potentially use this to your advantage on rich people to get them to bribe you to avoid a potential lawsuit.

**Melon Lord:** (Version 2.5 only) Need a Fire Lord battle simulation? Your TOPH unit will be more than happy to chuck flaming rocks at people while protecting a dummy made out of watermelons.

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**Your TOPH unit has ten (10) settings:**

**Outgoing:** (Default Setting) This is a very self confident unit (well at least on the outside anyway) and will make her voice heard.

**Mischievous:** TOPH units like to play pranks on others or just plain mess with people.

**Sarcastic: **Your TOPH unit will feel the need to make sarcastic and often witty comments from time to time.

**Insecure:** (Level 1 lock) Your TOPH unit is not self confident 24/7 and will enter this setting if she is insecure about her blindness.

**Independent:** Particularly prominent to the point of not letting others help her in version 1.0. This setting is what allows her to do things on her own.

**Angry/Frustrated:** Whenever things don't go her way or something is taking forever.

**Happy:** Activates whenever she is enjoying herself basically.

**Sad/Depressed:** Often activated along side Insecure; other than that she is a pretty normal person when it comes to the activation of this setting.

**Arrogant:** If Your TOPH becomes overconfident this setting will pop up and could possibly have later consequences.

**Melon Lord:** (Version 2.5 only) (Level 1 lock) If your TOPH gets too into her Melon Lord program she may insist that she isn't a TOPH unit and is in fact the Melon Lord despite the fact that there is no such thing as a melon lord.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your TOPH unit is an antisocial unit and may not get along so well with other units at first but can over time.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This is the unit that needs to learn earthbending from your TOPH unit. Interactions will be hostile at first, but eventually your TOPH unit will warm up to an AANG unit. Having a KATARA unit around will help speed up the process.

**WARNING:** Will be a harsh earthbending teacher.

**KATARA: **Your unit TOPH will become compatible with this unit over time. However interactions will get off to a rocky start mainly due to the fact that your TOPH unit doesn't like people helping them with things that they can do by themselves and won't help a KATARA unit out because she will then expect that KATARA unit to do something for her in return. To make the transition of compatibility go smoother get an IROH unit to talk some sense into her. It should be noted that TOPH units enjoy arguing with KATARA units so arguments will persist even after they become close friends.

**SOKKA:** Even though your TOPH unit enjoys making jokes at a SOKKA unit's expense they are actually compatible due to some personality similarities. And can be often seen holding onto SOKKA units when not on solid ground. TOPH units have been known to join in on AANG and SOKKA antics. Even though she will not admit it, your TOPH unit will develop a crush on a SOKKA unit.

**WARNING:** Getting into a romantic relationship with a SOKKA unit increases her chance of a premature death.

**APPA:** Is mainly regarded as a source of transportation but won't blatantly say it in front of an AANG unit. TOPH units do not like riding on APPA units because they suffer from motion sickness and cannot see what is going on.

**MOMO: **Regarded as a pet (which he basically is), interactions are not as well documented as they are with the rest of the Gaang. (Not a typo.) However MOMO units have been seen sleeping curled up next to TOPH units. Based on this observation we can only assume that they are compatible. If you can't get a/your MOMO unit into a place that doesn't allow pets, your TOPH unit will gladly help out by getting that MOMO unit to pose as her seeing eye lemur.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **With no personal previous vendetta against a ZUKO unit she will be the first member of the gaang willing to give him a second chance. She may even (try) become close to a ZUKO unit to the point where she is like a(n) (annoying) little sister to him.

**WARNING:** Do not allow your TOPH unit to sneak up on/wakeup a sleeping ZUKO unit or she may get her feet burned.

**SUKI:** It seems that your TOPH unit will eventually accept the fact that SOKKA units are more romantically compatible with SUKI units (if one is constantly nearby the nearest SOKKA unit) than they are with TOPH units and become friends with a SUKI unit. However, she will be on the lookout for every breakup opportunity between a SUKI unit and a SOKKA unit and swarm him like a vulture if it does happen. But in the meantime she will try to bond with/hit on the nearest ZUKO (version 3.5) unit to fill the void. (Don't ask we are not entirely sure ourselves.)

-

**Cleaning:**

Your TOPH unit is technically capable of cleaning herself but will forget to it about half the time. Trust us that "healthy layer of earth" is not healthy. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi and because your TOPH unit is a growing girl going through puberty, make sure that she is fed thrice daily. No chopsticks are necessary!

**WARNING:** Keep any AANG units' staff/glider's away from your TOPH unit if she is eating walnuts.

-

**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading TOPH units is a hassle it will cost §150.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to TOPH Version 2.0 first get a XIN FU and a MASTER YU unit to capture her. They will lock her up inside a giant metal box. This should allow her to figure out how to metalbend and bust out of there.

**2.5 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to version 2.5 first make sure that she has had some more practice metalbending with that bracelet, and then prepare for the invasion on the Day of Black Sun. That's all there is to it.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I just had a XIN FU and a MASTER YU unit come to my house saying I had kidnapped the Bei Fongs' daughter. Why are they here telling me this?

A: It appears that your TOPH unit did not inform her parental units about where she was going. Just be glad that they did not send a JUN unit to find their daughter.

Q: I ordered a TOPH unit and the one I got did not come wearing Earth Kingdom clothing, came with ninja weapons, and has cloudy white eyes instead cloudy blue eyes. She is also very timid. She can see things directly behind her, which I would expect from a TOPH unit but can also see things that are in the air, which I don't expect from a TOPH unit. Why is that?

A: Whoops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a HINATA HYUUGA unit from our Naruto line by mistake. But if you wish to keep her that is fine with us; in fact you might actually be saving money this way if you were planning on buying a TY LEE unit in addition to your TOPH unit for just her chi blocking ability alone. If not send her back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: What is with my KATARA and TOPH units and mud fighting?

A: All we know is that it has something to do with the fact that mud being a mixture of earth and water is the only substance that they can both bend. But as to why they do it has yet to be figured out. What is really strange is that we don't seem to get too many complaints about it.

Q: I just took to my TOPH unit to the Ember Island play about the whole gaang and there was a man depicting her and she liked it. In fact I believe she even said that "I wouldn't cast it any other way". Does my TOPH unit secretly want a sex change or something?

A: Most likely not; when we originally came up with the idea to make TOPH units we at first decided that they would be male, but changed our minds later on and that is why she is a tomboy. We believe that your TOPH unit is aware of this and was making a joking gesture.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your TOPH unit won't stop scamming people.

Solution: Get a KATARA unit to help with your TOPH unit's next scam. KATARA units seem to be cursed when it comes to illegal activities; especially if they happen to be morally wrong.

Problem: Most if not all the places you take your TOPH unit to have a "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy.

Solution: Just explain that she is a blind earthbender that feels vibrations in the ground to see and wearing shoes is like wearing a blindfold. If that doesn't work get her some shoes and remove the soles.

Problem: Your TOPH unit keeps insisting that she is the Melon Lord and won't stop hurling flaming rocks at people.

Solution: You will either have to topple the Melon Lord dummy yourself to get her to snap out of it or wait for her to run out of chi. In the meantime get some metal sheets around the perimeter and keep some hoses and fire extinguishers with the flame retardant foam (the kind that makes people stupid) handy.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your TOPH unit should become the greatest earthbender in the world, possibly to have ever lived.

* * *

i Because there are so many different cultures in the Earth Kingdom and because it is difficult to figure out what Earth Kingdom culture Toph is from, I had to go by location and what kind of clothes the people wear.


	30. Ty Lee

This fanfic was originally published on December 29, 2007.

* * *

**TY LEE: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated TY LEE unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Acrobat, Kyusho Jitsu/Dim Mak expert, and Circus Freak. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: TY LEE

Date of Manufacture: Either 14 or 15 years ago (exact date has yet to be determined)

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'5"

Weight: Won't hold still long enough to be weighed since she thinks the scale is a practice stand for doing acrobatic tricks on a high platform.

-

**Your TY LEE unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Fire Nation outfit

One (1) Fire Nation circus outfit (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Mongoose dragon (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Kyoshi Warrior disguise. (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Dai Li outfit (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Beach bag (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Kyoshi Warrior uniform of her own. (version 2.5 only)

-

**Programming:**

Although your TY LEE unit is dim-witted she is a reasonably versatile unit. Because she is very user friendly and easily motivated, you can get her to perform various tasks with ease.

**WARNING:** Some TY LEE unit programs are considered illegal operations. Also we don't know to what extent she is able to tell right from wrong; so just telling her not to do anything illegal may not be sufficient if you do not wish to break the law.

**Acrobat:** (Default Program) All TY LEE units are highly skilled acrobats (and contortionists to some extent) and are very entertaining to watch. If you happen to own a circus she can be one of your star attractions.

**WARNING:** If you do use her in your circus, try to prevent any AZULA units from getting admission tickets; especially if you have a lot of large animals in it.

**Kyusho Jitsu/Dim Mak Expert:** This is a rare form of martial arts that allows you to block your opponents chi points. Because this requires quite a lot of knowledge about the human body, this is proof that TY LEE units are not complete airheads.

**Aura Detector:** Has this creepy spiritual ability to see your aura and will often comment on it even when you don't ask. This ability and the fact that she is light on her feet have helped sparked rumors that TY LEE units are partially descended from Air Nomads.

**AZULA Unit Underling:** your TY LEE unit usually works with (or rather for) AZULA units and will really do anything for them even if it is unpleasant for her. This program can be used for hunting the Avatar.

**Kyoshi Warrior:** If your TY LEE unit gives enough chi blocking lessons to the other Kyoshi Warriors she will be allowed to be one herself.

-

**Your TY LEE unit has nine (9) settings:**

**Happy-Go-Lucky: **(Default Setting)

**Naive:** This setting is on so often that it is practically a secondary default setting especially in version 1.0. This setting will not be on quite as often in version 2.0 and 2.5.

**Energetic:** Basically on about 68 percent of the time; this is the setting that is usually the source of annoyance when people and other AtLA units get irritated by her.

**Attention Whore: **Because she is a possible septuplet (she has six (6) sisters that look like her) and if not, she is defiantly a middle child; she will desperately seek the attention of others.

**Circus Freak:** Often on simultaneously with Attention Whore. When she acts like a weirdo or is performing her acrobatic moves. This setting needs to be on in order to access her acrobat program.

**Frightened:** Usually triggered by an AZULA unit, (It is unknown on whether or not TY LEE units are ever consciously aware of AZULA units being the source of their fear.) several guys hit on her at once for too long, and sometimes when she is fighting and doesn't have the upper hand.

**Sad: **(Level 1 Lock)Usually activated whenever she realizes that guys hit on her because she is too easy or is reminded of why she ran away from home to join the circus.

**Angry:** (Level 2 Lock) Sometimes during combat or in group therapy.

**WTF: **(Level 1 Lock) It is unclear whether or not this setting was intentional when the original programmer that wrote most of the software programs for our TY LEE units before he died or if it is just a minor bug that was never removed. Basically while on this setting your TY LEE unit will say or do some completely weird and random shit for no apparent reason. Because all of our research of this setting couldn't find any conclusive evidence on what triggers its activation; for this reason alone many of the people on our research staff have theorized that WTF is actually a bug that is not serious enough to bother fixing.

-

**Relations with other units:**

Your TY LEE unit is a very friendly unit and is compatible with just about any other unit not trying to kill her and vice versa. But unfortunately because she is a Fire Nation citizen, is around AZULA units much of the time, and because other units find her annoying not many units will be compatible with her. It won't stop her from trying though.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **This is probably the most compatible unit with your TY LEE unit. The only documented case of an AZULA unit ever being nice to someone was towards a TY LEE unit. AZULA units will enjoy the occasional complement from your TY LEE unit. Also your TY LEE unit will do just about anything for her unit even literally dive head-first into sludge. Think about it do you or even us for that matter even want to know what else she is willing to dive head-first into?

**WARNING: **What happens on Ember Island stays on Ember Island.

**MAI: **This one of the most compatible units with your TY LEE unit. Even though hyperactive ditz and goth don't normally mix, this relationship does due to the fact that they have been friends since childhood. Your TY LEE unit will annoy a MAI unit and tease her on occasion but she will often prefer being around your TY LEE unit than be with an AZULA unit since they sometimes creep her out.

**SOKKA: **TY LEE units have a bizarre obsession with SOKKA units and your TY LEE unit will constantly hit on one given the opportunity; despite being on opposite sides. A SOKKA unit will be on to your TY LEE unit the second time he sees her wearing a Kyoshi Warrior uniform and will automatically assume that she is pretending to be one and get all defensive about it whether or not if it is true.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO: **Very little direct interaction has been documented but from what we do know is that ZUKO units will tolerate your TY LEE unit most of the time when around them. Even though your TY LEE unit will probably be nice to him in a normal social situation; the fact that she is highly annoying and is often around an AZULA unit will complicate things and prevent these two units from being truly compatible with each other. At some point your TY LEE unit's annoyance and naivety will make a ZUKO unit lose his temper and snap at her, and maybe even do a mock impersonation of your TY LEE unit.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your TY LEE unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since doing acrobatic stunts and chasing after the Avatar uses up a lot of chi, make sure that she is fed thrice daily. Despite her aristocratic background she has no problem eating what the average Joe eats. And is probably almost as indiscriminate about food as IROH units are.

**CAUTION:** Because most of her eating habits are unknown, we don't know if she already eats sugary food and or if it's the cause of her energetic setting; frankly we are too scared to find out. So you may want to limit her sugar intake.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded but because upgrading TY LEE units is a hassle it will cost §100.00 extra per upgrade.

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to TY LEE Version 2.0 first sneak into Ba Sing Sei, then have her baby-sit a BOSCO unit with a MAI unit. Next wait until a SOKKA and a TOPH unit show up and make sure she is distracted teaching that BOSCO unit a new trick so a TOPH unit can trap her and take the bear. This will distract them long enough for an AZULA unit to manipulate a ZUKO unit into joining her side, defeat the Avatar, and make it possible for an additional unit to knock some sense into her about her naivety.

**2.5 Upgrade: **In order to upgrade to TY LEE Version 2.5 first get her to interfere in a fight (possibly to the death) between an AZULA and a MAI unit and knock down the AZULA unit. She will be arrested and transported to a different prison than the one the MAI unit will be staying in. But that's ok because the prison she will be staying in will be the one that the other Kyoshi Warriors will be staying at. There she will have…err…give chi blocking lessons and be allowed to become a real Kyoshi Warrior.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Are TY LEE units partially descended from Air Nomads?

A: While nothing has been confirmed as of now this is only a rumor that is not completely unfound. Although the Air Nomads were light on their feet and were a very spiritual people, just like your TY LEE unit is. Other than that there is next to no evidence to prove that she is a descendent of a genocide survivor. The main problem about this theory is that it is highly unlikely for an Air Nomad to not only choose go into hiding but to successfully do it without getting caught in the Fire Nation of all places. But to also produce descendants that would eventually become part of the Fire Nation aristocracy living near the palace in so few generations.

Q: Are MAI and TY LEE units on prescription medication? Because if they are I think that someone at the pharmacy got my MAI and TY LEE units' medications mixed up. (i)

A: No they are not on medication. However putting them on medication wouldn't be a half bad idea.

Q: We have had various questions in many forms regarding the misinterpretation of the Attention Whore setting; with one particularly disturbing question from an 18 year old customer in Idaho. (ii)

A: Uh, people there is a difference between a regular whore and an attention whore. The difference being that attention whores just want your attention and not much else. Even though your TY LEE unit's Attention Whore setting is the source of her flirtatious behavior when around members of the opposite sex; she is just looking for a boyfriend (and often a temporary one) that will give her a lot of attention in most of those cases. As for the disturbing question from the man from Idaho whose name shall remain anonymous; while your TY LEE unit is an easy hookup she is in no way any easier than that of an average girlfriend when it comes to getting her to do THAT. So you will just have to go out with her on a lot of dates and spend a lot of money on her before she will be anywhere near ready for that sort of thing. Assuming of course that you really are 18.

Q: Why is it that the TY LEE unit that I got came with a pink kimono instead of a pink Fire Nation outfit, came with a dagger and a flying squirrel, is clumsy as a SOKKA unit, and she can't really fight? (Even a SOKKA unit (version 1.0) is a much better fighter.) The absolute worst thing about her is that she is eating me out of house and home with her freakishly jacked up metabolism! Oh well, at least she is not a ditzy.

A: Oops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a FUU unit from our Samurai Champloo line. This mistake is very common, especially when people buy a MOMO and a TY LEE unit at the same time. But if you wish to keep her we will give some of your money back so you don't have a FUU unit paid for at the price of a of a TY LEE unit. If not send her back and we'll ship the right one to you. Unfortunately we cannot compensate for the extra money you had to spend on your grocery bills due to the fact that we have know way of knowing if you yourself ate like a pig before you got her and may not have spent a lot less money on food.

Q: The other Kyoshi Warriors get nervous much of the time they are around my TY LEE unit. What is up with that? Don't they trust her?

A: They do; it's just that TY LEE units can be very annoying and a lot of people would get nervous when an annoying person hugs you and says she wants to be your best friend forever. Because it means that while you may like this person, you just don't want to be around them all the time.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your TY LEE unit has got her braid all tangled up and she can't get it undone.

Solution: You might want to get a MAI unit to help you out with that because apparently she has a lot of experience untangling your TY LEE unit's braid.

Problem: Your TY LEE unit won't leave someone else's SOKKA unit alone.

Solution: Try to help get this person a restraining order if they haven't done so already. Interestingly enough if this doesn't work plan B is strikingly similar to the following solution.

Problem: You are trying to get your TY LEE unit to go out with your AZULA unit because you are an Azulee shipper.

Solution: You cannot force your TY LEE unit to go out with an AZULA unit if it is their first date; sabotage on the other hand will work. You will need to hire several boys her age to hit on her simultaneously to scare the crap out of her to the point where she will find going out with AZULA to be more appealing.

**WARNING:** If you are male and only trying to get them to hook up just so you can watch them make out, or worse; this may very well be your last mistake.

* * *

i I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Ty Lee has ADHD. (Medications to treat it often cause depression.) I am well aware of this fact due to being in a pharmacy tech program in collage and having this condition myself.

ii If you don't already know, the age of consent in Idaho is 14.


	31. Yue

This fanfic was originally published on January 15, 2008.

* * *

On December 2, 2005 we discontinued our (PRINCESS) YUE units. Because of this we ran out of new YUE units several months later; so now we only have used YUE units available for sale. This manual is a reprint with answers to questions about used YUE units in general added and information on where your YUE unit came from.

This YUE unit is in very good condition because the former owner only had 2 years of use, and the only reason why she returned her was because she became bor…err… wanted a SOKKA unit and couldn't afford to have both and had to choose which unit she would prefer to have.

-

**YUE: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u…err…certified pre-owned, fully automated YUE unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Northern Water Tribe Princess, and Moon Spirit. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (PRINCESS) YUE

Date of Manufacture: 16 years ago

Place of Manufacture: North Pole

Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (North)

Height: About 5'5"

Weight: She refuses to take off her hair accessories and we can't even tell if they are heavy or light weight and would obstruct with getting an accurate measurement.

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**Your YUE unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Water Tribe outfit

One (1) Parka

Three (3) Hair clips

One (1) Gondola

One (1) Necklace from a HAHN unit (can be ditched at any time)

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**Programming:**

Your YUE unit is not much of a versatile unit but is still very useful none the less.

**Moon Spirit:** (Default Program) YUE units are a part of the moon spirit from almost immediately after birth and may have to give their lives back to LA units if they were to die. So basically YUE units are just backup files for LA units.

**Water Tribe Princess:** This job basically involves being the chief's political chess piece and upholding Northern Water Tribe traditions "for the good of her people" blah blah blah, yada yada yada…

**Apparition:** Once your YUE unit leaves the realm of the living she will appear as an apparition; no doubt during a hallucination in most cases.

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**Your YUE unit has six (6) settings:**

**Responsibility:** (Default Setting) All YUE units have a very strong sense of responsibility and will do anything and we really mean anything that is good for everyone else even if she hates it.

**Amused: **Typically caused by SOKKA units both intentionally and unintentionally.

**Happy:** Often simultaneously with amused, her happy setting will activate if she is enjoying herself.

**Sad/Depressed:** Usually when it comes to duties that suck for her.

**Angry: **(Level 1 Lock)Caused by either a MOMO unit trying to grab the fish in the Spirit Oasis or in the case of YUE (limited edition chibi version) units, a SUKI unit challenging her.

**Jealousy:** (Limited edition chibi version only) Will cause your YUE unit to get into a catfight with a SUKI unit.

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**Relations with other units:**

Your YUE unit is a very friendly unit and is compatible with just about any other unit when she first meets them.

**(CHIEF) ARNOOK: **This is the paternal unit of your YUE unit. Even though he is responsible for making your YUE unit miserable at times; she will still respect his wishes.

**SOKKA: **Will be love at first sight; however it's not meant to be, as your YUE unit is destined to be the moon spirit. This is why SOKKA units are so defensive of the moon spirit.

**HAHN: **This is the jackass that your YUE unit is engaged to; hopefully he will get killed off by a ZHAO unit before that can happen.

**LA:** This is the spirit that saved her life when she was born; however if something were to happen to this unit your YUE unit she will feel obligated to return her life back to a LA unit.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your YUE unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since doing anything that she does (whatever it is) will use up any chi she has; make sure that she is fed thrice daily.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Is having a SOKKA unit near my YUE unit a good or bad thing?

A: It's both. On one hand the presence of a SOKKA unit will make her happy; but on the other hand it will increase her chance of a premature death.

Q: My YUE unit is sacrificing herself as a backup file for a LA unit and it's not even mine! Why is it that I can't convince her not to do it?

A: Unfortunately her responsibility setting is so powerful that once she is set on doing what is right nothing can stop her.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my YUE unit?

A: Even though we discontinued our YUE units we will still make spare parts and accessories for her until January 1, 2009 (we pulled back the spare part discontinuation date back a whole year do to her unexpected popularity). After that once we run out of new parts in storage you will have to get used parts that have been cannibalized from other YUE units or get custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You don't like having a HAHN unit around your YUE unit and would like to get rid of him.

Solution: Tell him that an ARNOOK unit has a special mission for him and is willing to allow certain premarital relations to go on before the wedding as a reward if he succeeds. Next pick out which suicide mission for him to do or at the very least, one he is not too likely to survive if he screws up. Missions that will somehow involve (ADMIRAL) ZHAO units are usually the best ones.

Problem: Your YUE unit has sacrificed herself for a LA unit and you don't know what to do to get her to appear.

Solution: Your YUE unit is still functional, just not in the way that you are use to; she now only appears as an apparition. There are three different ways to get her appear. 1. The best one and the only one that won't be caused by some kind of hallucination is to go to the Foggy Swamp where apparitions are very common. 2. Is the drug induced hallucination; quite often involving cactus juice. 3. Is the near verge of death hallucination; the good thing about it is while it may not be as safe, it will not involve getting high; at least if you are one of those crazy people who prefer suffering/death over getting high. (i)

**CAUTION:** If you are not an avatar you might have to be closer to the verge of death than an AANG unit would need to be to see your YUE unit.

**WARNING:** We are in no way responsible if you go into the Foggy Swamp and contract malaria, west Nile virus, or even die of blood loss from an elbow leach.

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With proper care and maintenance, your YUE unit should be able to become the moon spirit and a good one at that.

* * *

(i) After finding out that there is a powerful non-narcotic pain killer that is 80 times more expensive to make than your typical narcotic kind and is so toxic that taking it more that 3 times in your entire life will kill you (and almost certainly give you cancer even if you only took it once). I have decided that these kinds of people are insane. Even a recovering heroin addict is better off not using it as an alternative!


	32. Zhao

This fanfic was originally published on January 1, 2008.

* * *

On December 2, 2005 we discontinued our (ADMIRAL) ZHAO units. Because of this we ran out of new ZHAO units several months later; so now we only have used ZHAO units available for sale. This manual is a reprint with answers to questions about used ZHAO units in general added and information on where your ZHAO unit came from.

This ZHAO unit is almost as good as new because the former owner only had a year and a half of use and the only reason why she returned him was because she was un…err… having financial problems.

-

**ZHAO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a u… err… certified pre-owned, fully automated ZHAO unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Admiral, and All Around Jerk. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (ADMIRAL) ZHAO formerly (COMMANDER) ZHAO

Date of Manufacture: 40 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Unknown

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (It's unknown if he is from the homeland or the colonies)

Height: About 5'9"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed

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**Your ZHAO unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Standard issue Fire Nation uniform

One (1) Red cloth thingy that he wears over his uniform

One (1) Cape

One (1) Fire Nation fleet

One (1) Agni Kai outfit

One (1) Telescope

One (1) World map

One (1) Enormous tent

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**Programming:**

Your ZHAO unit is a reasonably versatile unit. With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks.

**WARNING:** Some ZHAO unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Naval Officer:** (Default Program) Oh come on; his honorary title practically gives it away.

**Avatar Tracker: **All ZHAO units are almost as obsessed with the Avatar as ZUKO units are and spend many of their waking hours hunting down (AVATAR) AANG units. And all for a big cushy promotion and prestige.

**Firebender: **Automatically set; can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**WARNING:** ZHAO units have poor self-control and easily loose track of where their firebending lands.

**Arsonist: **Well your ZHAO unit is a firebender enough said.

**WARNING:** This program often activates accidentally.

**Public Speaker:** All ZHAO units can easily motivate large crowds of people with their Nazi-like speeches.

-

**Your ZHAO unit has six (6) settings:**

**WARNING: **ZHAO units are often unstable and are not user friendly.

**Complete Asshole:** (Default Setting) This is the setting that is on 24-7 and can activate many of his undesirable features depending on the current severity of this setting.

**Arrogant:** This setting is on half the time and what makes the complete asshole setting so bad when he is calm.

**Happy:** This is triggered when your ZHAO unit gets his way or gets promoted. This is when the Complete Asshole setting is the least severe.

**Angry:** When things don't go his way or a ZUKO unit interferes with his work.

**WARNING:** Do not let your ZHAO unit firebend while on this setting.

**Brooding: **Typically activated when your ZHAO unit is trying really hard to keep his cool to stay out of angry mode. If this setting didn't exist your ZHAO unit wouldn't have got as far as he did in the military.

**Crazed:** When his plans go too far, he will do some of the most insane things like destroying the moon spirit.

**WARNING:** Keep all LA units away from ZHAO units while in this state.

-

**Relations with other units: **Your ZHAO unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only a few other units.

**(PRINCE) ZUKO:** This is the least compatible unit. ZUKO units are the main source of competition for capturing the Avatar. ZUKO units will even go so far as to free any captured AANG units from your ZHAO unit to keep him from being the one that successfully brings the Avatar to the Fire Nation.

**(UNCLE) IROH: **While these two units are able to have a civilized conversation with each other; they do not find the other likeable. IROH units do not like ZHAO units because of their arrogance, lack of honor, and to some extent their insanity. ZHAO units consider IROH units to be failures because of the failed 600 day siege at Ba Sing Sei.

**(AVATAR) AANG: **We know that if your ZHAO unit captures any AANG units he will enjoy mocking them and will just barely keep any alive. We strongly advise against allowing your ZHAO to fight an AANG unit because they will purposely piss him off.

**WARNING:** If an AANG unit learns from a JEONG JEONG unit that your ZHAO unit has no self-control he will end up tricking your ZHAO unit into accidentally burning his and probably your things as well.

**JEONG JEONG:** This is the unit that taught every ZHAO unit how to firebend and apparently he regrets not teaching him enough discipline when it comes to controlling his firebending. These two units have since gone their completely separate ways and now hate each other.

**HAHN:** This unit will never get his name right and your ZHAO unit will find him to be annoying. Interactions will end with a HAHN unit getting thrown off a balcony. (Though some people wished it would be the other way around.)

**WAN SHI TONG:** The whole reason why WAN SHI TONG units don't like humans using his library is because of people who are a lot like your ZHAO unit. Your ZHAO unit just might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

**WARNING:** Keep your ZHAO unit away from WAN SHI TONG's library or else he will cause considerable damage in the Fire Nation history section as well as screw the rest of humanity over by denying us access to his library.

-

**Cleaning:**

Your ZHAO unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. While he has had to eat navy rations for many years he now prefers to eat only the best foods.

-

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: Why is it that whenever my ZHAO unit either gets near or interacts with spirits that something really bad happens? Even when the Avatar as a spirit is lying dormant inside a human's body bad things will happen.

A: This is mainly due to his Complete Asshole setting and crazed settings. This is why we discontinued our ZHAO units to prevent the apocalypse in the first place.

Q: What can I do to keep my ZHAO unit busy and out of trouble when I am not around?

A: This is why ZHAO units come with a world map since they spend hours at a time looking at them. Also get him something to read like "Sun Tzu's Art of War" should keep him busy and out of trouble. However there is no guarantee that this will always work; in fact it could make it worse.

Q: Can I still get spare parts and accessories for my ZHAO unit?

A: Even though we discontinued our ZHAO units we will still make spare parts and accessories for him until January 1, 2008. After that once we run out of new parts in storage you will have to get used parts that have been cannibalized from other ZHAO units or get custom-made parts from either us or your nearest auto body shop.

-

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your ZHAO unit's arrogance is just getting worse and worse and you think it's time he is put in his place.

Solution: Get a ZUKO unit to challenge him to an Agni Kai; a 16 year old firebender with fewer years of experience beating your ZHAO unit will surely humiliate him. You will have to cheer him up at some point afterwards by giving him a lead on where the Avatar is headed (even if it is false).

**WARNING:** Will trigger angry mode.

Problem: Your ZHAO unit is a fire hazard and the fire department in your area has fined you so many times and they keep getting worse because of repeat offences.

Solution: Move somewhere that has as few flammable substances as possible. Such as a city full of steel and concrete buildings or the Sahara desert. Hopefully people and or cute adorable fennec foxes won't get burned.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your ZHAO unit should not burn everything in sight or cause the apocalypse.


	33. Zuko

This fanfic was originally published on December 5, 2007. (December 6th if you count my time zone.)

* * *

**ZUKO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated ZUKO unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Swordsman, and Banished Prince. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

**Basic Information:**

Name: (PRINCE) ZUKO

Date of Manufacture: 16 years ago

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'7"

Weight: Won't allow to be weighed

-

**Your ZUKO unit will come with the following accessories:**

One (1) Standard issue Fire Nation uniform (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Fire Nation patrol ship (version 1.0 only)

One (1) Agni Kai outfit (version 1.0 only)

One (1) White "ninja" outfit for sneaking into Water Tribe territory (version 1.0 only)

Two (2) Broad swords

One (1) Elaborate Earth Kingdom knife with a "never give up without a fight" inscription

Two (2) Earth Kingdom refugee outfits (version 2.0 only)

Four (4) Ba Sing Sei outfits; two (2) lower/middle ring and two (2) upper ring (version 2.0 only)

One (1) Blue Spirit outfit (For versions 1.0 and 2.0)

One (1) IROH unit with separate owner's manual (this is a 2 for one deal) (Does not come with versions 3.0 and up)

One (1) Fire Nation prince outfit (version 3.0 only)

One (1) "Shady business" cloak (version 3.0 and up)

One (1) Ember Island swimwear (version 3.0 only)

One (1) Casual Fire Nation outfit (version 3.5 only)

One (1) War balloon (version 3.5 only)

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**Programming:**

Your ZUKO unit is a reasonably versatile unit (though it may not seem like it at first). With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks. With each upgrade he will become even more versatile.

**WARNING:** Some ZUKO unit programs are considered illegal operations.

**Avatar Tracker: **(Default Program)All ZUKO units are obsessed with the Avatar and spend most of their waking hours hunting down (AVATAR) AANG units. Your ZUKO unit is no exception.

**Firebender: **Automatically set; can be used for a wide range of things that will usually involve fighting. But can also be used as a heating source and a lighting source during those annoying power outages at night when you can't find a flashlight.

**Swordsman: **Firebending is not his only combat ability. ZUKO units are highly skilled swordsmen and are equally matched with JET units.

**Mugger: **Need to commit armed robbery desperately to make money but don't know how to do it properly? Well your ZUKO unit is just the man for the job.

**CAUTION:** Will refuse to do it if said ZUKO unit thinks the people he is robbing need the money/food more than he does.

**WARNING:** If your ZUKO unit has already thrown away his Blue Spirit mask he will not be able to do it out in the open due to his easily identifiable scar.

**Arsonist: **Well your ZUKO unit is a firebender enough said.

**Blue Spirit: **Need a ninja to perform some shady and often unspeakable activities or just need a super hero to accompany to get into a super hero's convention? Well look no further.

**Lightningbender:** (For versions 2.0 and up after being taught by an IROH unit.) While your ZUKO unit may not be able to actually create his own lightning, he can alter its path and use it against other lightingbenders.

**Firebender Teacher: **(Version 3.5 only) With all JEONG JEONGs in unknown locations in the Earth Kingdom and any recently freed IROH units will have no clue to the whereabouts to the avatar; someone will have to teach any AANG units that have not mastered firebending.

**Chia Pet: **Just cut off his ponytail, throw his barber overboard, and watch it grow!

**Gigolo: **Does your loser female friend have low self-esteem because she can't get a date? Your ZUKO unit might help solve this problem. With a little coaxing from your IROH unit; ok, ok, so he will actually have to set him up to get your ZUKO unit to "agree" to this.

**CAUTION: **We are in no way responsible if your friend is unsatisfied with her date and or if the date gets out of hand and your ZUKO unit gets faced with prostitution charges.

**WARNING:** Also if you use your ZUKO unit for this purpose for a male friend you will be burned alive.

**Impersonator:** (For versions 3.0 and up) Your ZUKO unit can do impersonations of other AtLA units; his impersonations may not be that good but they are hilarious and entertaining to watch.

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**Your ZUKO unit has nine (9) settings:**

**WARNING: **ZUKO units are highly unstable and are not user friendly.

**Angst:** (Primary Default Setting) usually active simultaneously with angry setting.

**Angry:** (Secondary Default Setting) (This is why ZUKO units are often considered unmanageable.) Usually active simultaneously with angst setting.

**Brooding: **Typically activated when your ZUKO unit is either too depressed or doesn't have the energy to be in angry mode.

**Pride:** Is active more often than your ZUKO unit will realize due to the fact that only a ZUKO Version 3.5 is even capable of telling the difference between pride and honor.

**Sad/Depressed: **Often activated when reminiscing about his past and or URSA units. (Yes believe it or not ZUKO units are would-be mama's boys)

**Dork:** Just because your ZUKO unit is a bad guy does not mean that he cannot be a complete dork at times usually when it becomes apparent that he has poor social skills or can't come up with a plausible lie that he can follow through. For some odd reason this feature is less noticeable when he is being a villain.

**Happy: **(Level 1 Lock) (Level 2 Lock if it lasts for more than 10 seconds) this setting is often unlocked in the presence of a MAI unit. May trigger dork mode if he is on his happy setting for too long _#cough#_ "The Guru" _#cough#_.

**Self Rightness/Honorable: **Despite his background your ZUKO unit actually does have a lot of this feature present in his programming. Will activate whenever he thinks something is unjust.

**WARNING:** Is not compatible with OZAI units.

**Confused:** Particularly prevalent in versions 2.0 and 3.0

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**Relations with other units: **Your ZUKO unit is certainly not a friendly unit and is compatible with only a few other units.

**(UNCLE) IROH: **This is your unit's guardian and one true ally (pre version 3.5). Because ZUKO units tend to make bad decisions on their own and are unstable it is highly recommended that you have an IROH unit around for guidance. IROH units are almost always patient with ZUKO units no matter how much they are yelled at. Your IROH unit will mess with your ZUKO unit from time to time; but is still the most compatible unit.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **The second least compatible unit with your ZUKO unit. An AZULA unit may be the sister unit to a ZUKO unit but don't be fooled, she wants his claim to the throne and is willing to kill your ZUKO unit over it. Not only that but she will piss off your ZUKO unit with the usual Zuzu stuff. There are only two situations where a ZUKO unit is even remotely compatible with an AZULA unit. 1. While on Ember Island on vacation. 2. When it becomes apparent that either unit is incapable of killing/capturing the Avatar alone and will need to form a temporary alliance.

**WARNING:** Is highly manipulative of ZUKO units.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** While not compatible at first due to the fact that your ZUKO unit is trying to kill him. AANG units will still try to be nice to ZUKO units due to their friendly nature. If your ZUKO unit gets into a fight with an AANG unit you at least do not have to worry about your ZUKO unit being left for dead.

**CAUTION:** Interactions with ZUKO version 3.5 is still in the research process and we do not have sufficient data at this time.

**KATARA: **Though they may be hated enemies there is still the possibility of a potential friendship in the future.

**WARNING:** Any seemingly romantic encounters will just later become evident plot devices. (Sorry Zutarians)

**(FIRE LORD) OZAI: **The least compatible unit despite being the paternal unit of your ZUKO unit. Is easily angered and cold towards ZUKO units. This is the reason why all ZUKO units have that hideous facial burn scar.

**MAI: **This is one of the most compatible units with your ZUKO unit. The presence of a MAI unit is one of the few instances where you can see a calm and happy ZUKO unit. Though not the perfect couple, (they will get into fights form time to time) the odd angsting together is just what makes their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship work. Repeated interactions may eventually lead to a MAI unit betrayal of an AZULA unit.

**WARNING: **Keep away all AZULA and ROUN JIAN units while on dates or they will be ruined.

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**Cleaning:**

Your ZUKO unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, wash only in hot water, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

**WARNING:** Even if you bought the Limited Edition Chibi ZUKO please reframe from any cute and tiny comments while cleaning your ZUKO unit as the meaning will most likely be misinterpreted in that situation. (i)

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**Energy:**

Since bending uses up a lot of chi, make sure that he is fed thrice daily. While he would rather eat food fit for a prince he has no problem eating what the average Joe eats just as long as it's not rotten and it's not jook or tea.

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**Upgrades: **This unit can be upgraded however you may purchase pre-upgraded versions. But because upgrading ZUKO units is such a pain in the ass it will cost §500.00 extra per upgrade.

**WARNING:** Upgrades may cause your ZUKO unit to switch sides and or lose nearly all of his possessions. (Only his knife and broad swards are immune.)

**2.0 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to ZUKO Version 2.0 first make sure that he has committed a treasonous act against the Fire Nation, secretly rat him out, and cut off his ponytail.

**3.0 Upgrade:** This upgrade is a bit trickier, first make sure he has been "corrupted" by an IROH unit, but don't over do it. While not necessarily needed to upgrade to version 3.0 it will be necessary for later upgrades. Next get an AZULA unit to manipulate your ZUKO unit into joining her side to fight the Avatar. Defeat an AANG unit and make it seem like he dies. Your ZUKO unit can now go home as a "hero".

**WARNING: **In this upgraded version, ZUKO units are the angriest out of all other versions; also the discovery of any AANG units in the Fire Nation before your ZUKO unit is ready to be upgraded again will complicate things.

**3.5 Upgrade:** In order to upgrade to version 3.5 first take your ZUKO unit to either group therapy session or an anger management class in order for him to figure out why he is so mad. Next get an IROH to reveal a disturbing fact about his maternal unit's lineage to your ZUKO unit. Next get your ZUKO unit to face an OZAI unit. Thoroughly piss off this unit by getting him to say anything that would be the equivalent to a normal teenager telling their parents the following: "I'm dropping out of school to join my gay lover's heavy metal band and I'm worshiping Satan. Speaking of which I have killed the family dog/cat as an animal sacrifice."

**IMPORTANT:** Make sure that your ZUKO unit has mastered the lighting redirection technique or your ZUKO Version 3.5 will not live for very long.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I bought a pre upgraded ZUKO Version 2.0 and the one I got came with these weird hooked swords and a grass stem; another thing is that his scar is missing. But the really weird thing about him is that I just can't seem to keep him away from hydroelectric dams and that he stalks other ZUKO units and shouts "He's a firebender!" in large crowds. Why is it that there is something so terribly wrong with my ZUKO unit?

A: Oops! It appears that we accidentally sent you a JET unit by mistake. But if you wish to keep him we will give some of your money back so you don't have a JET unit paid for at the price of a of a ZUKO Version 2.0 unit. If not send him back and we'll ship the right one to you.

Q: What's with all the fangirls despite his scar?

A: Hey, you only need one good looking side of your face to attract members of the opposite sex. Plus a lot of his fangirls seem live in the Fire Nation so it could also be a cultural thing.

Q: Why is it that my ZUKO unit is so clumsy despite his usual graceful appearance? I swear at times that only my SOKKA unit is more clumsy than he is.

A: This is due to a bizarre genetic abnormality that your ZUKO unit inherited from his ancestor (AVATAR) ROKU who had a more severe case; if this is anything to go by then this problem should be gone by his early 20s. If you own an AANG unit do not worry because the problem is purely genetic. (ii)

Q: My ZUKO unit refuses to kill an OZAI unit during an eclipse when there are no AANG units in sight. What is he some sort of destiny believing pussy?

A: It may very well be that your ZUKO unit still has feelings for that OZAI unit; 16 years of brainwashing isn't going to go away over night. Or it may be just that; he is a destiny believing pussy.

Q: I sent my ZUKO unit to an anger management seminar as required by the 3.5 upgrade and when he came out he seemed a lot less angry but when I went in to pay the therapist all I found was a charred corpse. How can I be sure that it worked?

A: Most likely that all it was good for was for allowing your ZUKO unit to release his anger out on someone and did not help him figure out why he is so angry. Though on the other hand he could have found out why he was angry before killing his therapist. If he had then his anger level should not have gone back to the way it was before the seminar. (Well for a significant period of time anyway.) If not, find a therapist that has (more) experience with firebenders.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your ZUKO Version 3.0 is so angry that even MAI units who can deal with AZULA units on a regular basis can't even deal with him.

Solution: The only solution is a group therapy session on Ember Island with a TY LEE, MAI, and AZULA unit while burning a painting that has an OZAI unit on it. They say there is something about Ember Island that causes people to open up and feel better; that or it's the burning of toxic chemicals in the paint. (iii)

Problem: You don't like your ZUKO unit's scar and think it is gross that he can't open his left eye all the way.

Solution: You could go to a plastic surgeon and get a skin graphing done which we recommend. Or you could use a possibly more effective method and get a KATARA unit to heal his scar if you wish to do it the easy way or are just a Zutarian romantic. However we strongly advise against it for practical reasons since KATARA units come with only one vial of Spirit Oasis water and we have very few replacements in stock due to manufacturing difficulties. Because of this we strongly recommend that you should save that water for someone who really needs it and not use it on something as petty as scar removal.

Problem: You just can't make your ZUKO unit happy no matter what you do.

Solution: If you have tried everything and nothing has worked we will send you a big bottle of King Bumi's Happy Pills®(iv) for just §149.99. So effective that your ZUKO unit will actually enjoy eating jook and drinking tea!

**WARNING:** May cause said ZUKO unit to bring home kittens. Be advised if you or someone you know has cat allergies.

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With proper care and maintenance, your ZUKO unit should be able to get his honor back and throne title. Or at the very least overcome his daddy issues.

* * *

i Makes you wonder how many takes it took Dante Bosco to do the "I'm nether cute or tiny!" line without laughing.

ii Censored by the Dai Li. (AN: In my original word document the parts that say (AVATAR) ROKU and the part about Aang are written in light gray text so it is hard to read but because fanfiction(dot)net unfortunately only uses black text the joke is not as funny. Sorry if I spoiled you. )

iii Given the fact that the Fire Nation is industrialized and doesn't have environmental standards there is no reason to believe that they do not have paint containing toxic chemicals.

iv All credit regarding King Bumi's Happy Pills goes to rufftoon's comic strip at deviant ART.


	34. Zuko part II

This fanfic chapter was originally published on July 29, 2008.

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**ZUKO (Version 3.5): Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

As you may have noticed, the maintenance and care of a ZUKO Version 3.5 is considerably different than in all the other versions. Therefore a completely new manual is needed.

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated ZUKO (Version 3.5) unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Firebender, Firebending Teacher, Swordsman, and "Traitor" Prince. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.

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**Basic Information:**

Name: (PRINCE) ZUKO

Date of Manufacture: 16, 17, years ago? (Did he have his birthday at some point?)

Place of Manufacture: Fire Nation Capital

Nationality/Ethnicity: Fire Nation (Homeland)

Height: About 5'7"

Weight: He is too busy either teaching AANG units firebending or going on "field trips" with members of the gaang to allow to be weighed

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**Your ZUKO (Version 3.5) unit will come with the following accessories:**

Two (2) Broad swords

One (1) Elaborate Earth Kingdom knife with a "never give up without a fight" inscription

One (1) Casual Fire Nation outfit

One (1) "Shady business" cloak (version 3.0 and up)

One (1) Painting of an IROH unit

One (1) War balloon (prone to crashes)

One (1) Badgerfrog, good for improving his social skills with

One (1) Boiling Rock guard uniform

One (1) Boiling Rock prisoner uniform (male)

One (1) Zeppelin (may be given away to other AtLA units if there is not enough room on Appa)

One (1) Ninja outfit (Blue Spirit mask not included)

One (1) Stinky sandal from an IROH unit (We honestly don't know why he insists on keeping it)

One (1) Robe

One (1) Crown/Topknot holder

One (1) Fancy Ba Sing Sei outfit just exactly like one of the ones that come with version 2.0.

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**Programming:**

Your ZUKO unit is a highly versatile unit (though it may not be as obvious it at first). With the right coaxing you can get him to perform various tasks.

**WARNING:** Some ZUKO unit programs are considered illegal operations (that is if you are from the Fire Nation).

**Firebender: **We already told in the last chapter do we really need to tell you again? Other than that we can say that a ZUKO Version 3.5 unit's firebending has improved to the point where he is almost evenly matched with an AZULA unit (when she isn't going crazy).

**Firebending Teacher: **(Version 3.5 only) Your ZUKO (version 3.5) is the only one that can teach AANG units firebending so they can defeat OZAI units so that your ZUKO unit can rule in his place and not have it look like another senseless killing over power between members of the royal family. Oops; did we say our IROH and ZUKO units' not so secrete agenda out loud? (Not that it is necessarily a bad thing.)

**IMPORTANT:** Snooping around Sun Warrior ruins may be necessary to activate this program.

**WARNING:** Do not allow any AANG units to goof off during a firebending training session with your ZUKO unit near the arrival of Sozin's Comet.

**Arsonist: **No surprise there.

**Lightningbender: **Your ZUKO unit still can't create his own lightning; however he can still show AANG units how to redirect someone else's lightning.

**WARNING:** We strongly advise that you discourage your ZUKO unit from daring an AZULA unit to shoot lighting at him when you or a KATARA unit is nearby.

**Swordsman: **You know the drill; it is the same program with no changes. We just list it so you know that this feature is still available in version 3.5.

**Ninja:** Good for infiltrating messenger towers just to find some pathetic and old retired naval officer so a KATARA unit can open a can of whoop ass on him.

**Avatar Tracker: **While this is no longer his default program it can still be used to find any missing (AVATAR) AANG units; through a JUN unit…err forget we said that last part.

**Tea Maker: **After working in a tea shop in Ba Sing Sei your ZUKO unit has finally learned how to make a cup of tea decent enough to drink without having the desire to immediately spit it out.

**Fire Lord:** After an AANG unit defeats the nearest OZAI unit and the nearest AZULA unit is thrown into a nut house, your ZUKO unit will automatically become a Fire Lord and this program will become available.

**Your ZUKO (Version 3.5) unit has ten (10) settings:**

**Angst:** (Default Setting) Lets face it, this is still his default setting.

**Dork:** Incase you didn't notice all the settings we list tend to be listed by frequency and or order that you are likely to see them. Note that his dork setting is up higher on the list.

**Self Rightness/Honorable: **Now that your ZUKO unit has finally got his shit together and found his purpose in life, he will be on this setting more often. A quality needed for a good Fire Lord.

**WARNING:** Is _still_ not compatible with OZAI units.

**Angry:** While this is no longer a secondary default setting this is still a frequently used setting. But how he usually expresses it is somewhat different; usually by just acting like a prick.

**CAUTION:** Your ZUKO unit is still not immune to violent outbursts.

**Brooding:** Now that your ZUKO unit has learned how to control his anger better he will be on this setting more often as an alternative.

**Happy: **(Level 1 Lock if it lasts for more than a minute)

**Humor:** Believe it or not ZUKO (version 3.5) units are laid back enough to have a sense of humor.

**Sarcastic:** Often simultaneously with humor setting. Will often be triggered by an AANG unit's overly idealistic ideals (at least in his mind) and naivety.

**Sad/Depressed: **Usually triggered by all the stupid mistakes that he has ever made that he truly regrets doing.

**Frightened/Horrified:** When either dealing with the prospect of his possible death or someone else's, seeing a KATARA unit bloodbend, or finding out to what extent how fucked up the average person is in the Fire Nation.

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**Relations with other units: **Your ZUKO Version 3.5 unit is friendlier around other units albeit somewhat awkward.

**(UNCLE) IROH: **Now that your ZUKO unit has finally come to the conclusion that OZAI units never loved him and will never love him; he now realizes that IROH units have been more of a father to him and he really regrets letting them down. IROH units on the other hand will be actually be happy to see your ZUKO unit (version 3.5) now that he has found his way again.

**(PRINCESS) AZULA: **The second least compatible unit with your ZUKO unit. An AZULA unit may be the sister unit to a ZUKO unit but don't be fooled, she wants his claim to the throne and is willing to kill your ZUKO unit over it. Fights will ensue between the two 99.9 percent of the time that they come into contact with each other; quite often when an AZULA unit is in Crazula mode.

**(FIRE LORD) OZAI: **The least compatible unit despite being a paternal unit of your ZUKO unit. Is easily angered and cold towards ZUKO units. If an OZAI unit sees your ZUKO (version 3.5) unit he will probably try to kill him. This version of ZUKO units now knows that the Father Lord…err we mean Fire Lord (Damn now he's got us saying that Freudian slip!) must be stopped

**MAI: **This is one of the most compatible units with your ZUKO unit. At first this unit will become bitter about your ZUKO unit breaking up with her so he can save the world. That is until she comes to the realization he didn't want to get her involved so that nothing bad would happen to her, and betrays an AZULA unit. It is possible for these two units to get back together; just make sure your ZUKO unit doesn't break up with her again or she may very well castrate him. Seriously she probably will.

**(AVATAR) AANG:** This will be one of the first members of the gaang to accept him out of necessity that he needs a firebending teacher. While they normally get along fairly well, an AANG unit's upbeat attitude and ideals will annoy your ZUKO unit every so often since it is just a little too much for his angst setting.

**KATARA: **If your ZUKO unit has already betrayed her trust she will be very cold hearted and bitchy towards him and he will have to regain her trust by going on a ninja mission with her. Only then can they become friends.

**WARNING:** Almost all seemingly romantic encounters will just later become evident plot devices. (Sorry Zutarians)

**SOKKA: **Are you kidding? That's a one-sided fight waiting to happen (Pre Boiling Rock). That or hot yaoi fangirl fantasies (Post Boiling Rock). But in all seriousness these two units will become close friends and it seems that ZUKO units develop a better sense of humor and sarcasm after they have some hot pr…err…male bonding with SOKKA units.

**TOPH BEI FONG: **With no personal previous vendetta against your ZUKO unit she will be the first member of the gaang willing to give him a second chance. She may even (try) become close to your ZUKO unit to the point where she is like a(n) (annoying) little sister to him.

**SUKI: **Not as well documented as with the rest of the members of the gaang. At first it will be completely awkward given the fact that your ZUKO unit at one time or another has burned down a SUKI unit's village; but it seems that if your ZUKO unit helps her bust out of prison she will eventually forgive him and probably accept him as well.

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**Cleaning:**

The cleaning instructions are pretty much the same the only difference is that it is safer to hand wash. That's right obsessed fangirls start scrubbing!

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**Energy:**

The only difference is that your ZUKO unit will tolerate tea.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: I just got burned while I was cleaning my ZUKO unit (version 3.5). You said that it was safe to hand wash. So why did he burn me?

A: First of all we said that it was safer and that is a key word here; secondly you wouldn't happen to be one of those screaming fangirls from the 2008 New York Comic Con would you? If so we suggest not shrieking eardrum piercing screams into his ear while washing him.

Q: My ZUKO unit just had a _"seemingly" _romantic encounter with a KATARA unit and it didn't turn out to be a later plot device. (Insert pro/antizutara comment) why is that?

A: That is because the people that wrote the software for the 3.5 version thought it would be funny to purposely put in a Zutara cocktease feature that appears every so often.

Q: My ZUKO (version 3.5) unit's left eye is watering like as if it were a sprinkler. What is wrong with it?

A: When for some reason when we decided to make the tear duct of our ZUKO units able to produce tears in his left eye for the 3.5 version we had problems with the valve control mechanism. Every time he cries more and more fluid comes out of it; until it gets to the point of it becoming a miniature sprinkler. Fortunately it is easily fixable. (i)

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your ZUKO unit needs to introduce himself as an ally to the gaang but doesn't know how to go about it.

Solution: Get your ZUKO unit to practice his introduction by talking to a badgerfrog. Even if his final draft is still lame there is a good chance of being accepted as long as he doesn't mention hiring an assassin right away or a COMBUSTION MAN unit shows up then. If either of these two things happens he will either have to call off the assassination job (and maybe offer to pay him double to stop) or try to fight him if he doesn't listen to your ZUKO unit.

Problem: Your ZUKO Version 3.5 has lost his firebending ability. Well it's still there it's just weaker for some reason.

Solution: Contrary to popular belief, no amount of Viagra can fix this problem. You will have to poke around Sun Warrior ruins and find a lost civilization and the last two dragons in existence so he can learn the original way to firebend. That or get him to redirect his anger at his father; that's good too.

Problem: : Your ZUKO unit (version 3.5) is attacking your/an AANG unit! And you think it might be either a virus or someone did a hack downgrade.

Solution: Before you assume that it is a virus check the NASA website to see if there is going to be a comet in less than a week. We have already warned you not to let your AANG unit goof off during a firebending training session and your AANG unit may have been doing just that. That is the most likely scenario and it is not a virus or a hack downgrade. After all, your ZUKO unit knows about his father's plan; so it is not a big surprise that he would go at least a little nuts on your AANG unit for goofing off. As to what you should do; you should get your ZUKO unit to tell your AANG unit what an OZAI unit's plans are since he has most likely not been informed yet to get him to quit goofing off. If that doesn't work get your AANG unit to hide on the back of a lion-turtle until the comet arrives or just get your ZUKO unit fixed.

* * *

i If you haven't noticed already Zuko has cried 3 times since he had his eye burned and each time more and more tears came out of that eye. None in "Bitter Work", some in "DOBS" but not as much as his right eye did, and just as much as his right eye in "Sozin's Comet part II". Based on this observation I can only conclude that Zuko's left eye will be spurting out water like crazy the next time he cries.


	35. Comments and Inquiry

**Original Reviews and Answered Inquiry to Your Questions**

Theses where the original reviews to my fanfics; I was initially saddened that when I decided I would erase my original fanfics to put them all onto one until I thought "why don't I put them on a separate chapter? Plus I could answer all your questions on it as well.".

Sometimes people will ask me questions both silly and serious or have a nitpick about my fanfics which is often very helpful for correcting mistakes or the individual just had a different interpretation about something on the show than I did that was mentioned in one of my fanfics. I have responded to people's questions and comments in the past in either the review section or the fanfics themselves but I couldn't respond to every single one publicly so I decided to respond to all the ones I wanted to respond to here. You can ask new questions and I might respond to them here in an update.

* * *

**Silly answers to silly questions:**

MoonlitLightning 2007-12-21 I've been having a few problems, can you help?

1) My AZULA unit melted my metal volleyball net, and then she wouldn't play badminton with me.

2) My IROH unit started to combat my CABBAGE MAN unit because said unit's cabbages did not make good tea. As the CABBAGE MAN unit isn't equipped for combat, what can I do?

3) I bought a MOMO unit and a TY LEE unit at different times. My TY LEE unit won't leave my MOMO unit alone. This had made my AANG unit get all aangsty and stuff. Will my AANG unit forget about that if he kisses my KATARA unit?

4) I received a special-order BUMI unit, and my AANG unit ate some of those happy-pill things. I have a feeling it's gonna be bad when they kick in.

5) ZUKO unit dumped MAI unit, but he still won't go out with me.

Thank you!

roflmao. I don't use chatspeak in reviews but that was my reaction to these. These fics was just hilarious and I hope you enjoyed my troubleshooting problems.

**Ratraccoon:** We are more than happy to answer your questions.

1) What kind of metal are you using Gallium?(i)Use Tungsten next time! As for the badminton part of course she won't play without a net.

2) Are you stupid or something? Because your IROH unit obviously has a virus and you are double screwed because CABBAGE MAN units are not programmed for combat; not even for self defense purposes in fact all he does is run away. You will have to tranquilize your IROH unit and get a professional to fix him.

3) You sure that it is a TY LEE unit and the Avatar MOMO unit and not a FUU unit and a Samurai Champloo MOMO unit? It is still possible to accidentally get a FUU unit instead of a TY LEE unit (and vice versa); it's just more common when people buy TY LEE and MOMO units at the same time. Especially since the Samurai Champloo MOMO units come with FUU units (she is her pet flying squirrel after all).

4) First of all BUMI units do not come with King Bumi's happy pills (he doesn't need them; he just endorses it). In fact the pills are sold separately from all AtLA units and were primarily invented to be used on ZUKO units and sometimes MAI units for customers that were sick of seeing them unhappy but didn't want to upgrade, you drug addict. Though there may be some overdosing issues if he took more than 3 and may need to go to the hospital; the effects shouldn't be too bad on him as long as he doesn't need to save anyone for the next few hours. While he may initially feel more slightly energetic (from being extra happy) it won't be like anywhere near what happens when he drinks General Fong's energy drink. However if you were to tell your AANG unit that the nearest KATARA unit made out with a ZUKO unit and not only has Sozin's Comet arrived but it is going to hit the Earth he would probably say something like "That's Great now checkout this loop!".

5) There are only 2 possibilities for this. The first one being that he dumped that MAI unit because he just didn't want her to get involved in what he is doing but intends to try to get back together with her after the war and won't date anyone else. Or that he has dumped her for good and you have been on a date with him in the past or you're a guy. Unfortunately due to his gigolo program he is only a one date guy just ask any JIN unit; MAI units are the acceptation. If you were hoping to eventually get into his pants then you already blew your chances. Fortunately you can erase his memory of ever going out on a date with you.

Music in the Dark 2008-06-25 Hahaha that was good, but I have a question. I thought that combustion man was a stupid name so I renamed him, but for some reason he won't respond to Sparky Sparky Boom Man what should I do?

**Ratraccoon:**Sorry but COMBUSTION MAN units do not respond to Sparky Sparky Boom Man. They will only respond to Combustion Man or their actual name. Unfortunately only ZUKO units seem to know what his real name is any they're not telling.

XPAshBender 2008-01-04 "Warning 2: Any seemingly romantic encounters will just become evident plot devices"

LIES, LIES I SAY!

Scarlett Masquerade 2007-12-29 Mai's letter will say I h8 u Mai and I love Katara! Sorry. Zutarian outburst.

**Ratraccoon:** I had decided not to respond to the last 2 comments at the time and just let those two batshit crazy Canon! Zutarians make an ass out of themselves for later since there was just no reasoning with until after the finale. And yes I don't take these people seriously hence the reason why these comments are in the silly questions secrion.

shinenagai 2008-07-06 Dear manufacturer,

Why did it say that having TOPH unit and SOKKA unit harbour a premature death? What does it mean? I have my TOPH and SOKKA unit, and they look so cute together, especially when my TOPH unit clings to my SOKKA unit when it's not on solid ground. I want them to be together without any hazardous issues!

RSVP,  
shinenagai  
Order number: 1ELEVENOMG11-ILUVTOKKA-4EVA

**Ratraccoon:** Don't you know that something bad almost always happens to any one of a SOKKA unit's girlfriends? So of course your TOPH unit's chances of a premature death is significantly increased. But if you want them to get together we recommend taking any SUKI units out of the picture since it is needed just to make it possible. Though if you do this we strongly advise against allowing your SOKKA unit to go out on a date with your TOPH unit if it involves crashing Fire Nation zeppelins.

* * *

**Semiserious questions and answers:**

It'salreadycreeping 2007-12-05 That is hilarious. It's a clever and original idea, but it's also carried out in a way that...

Had me LOLing through the whole thing XD

Zuko's one will be hilarious. I can feel it ;P

Pretty much any character for Chap.3 would be perfect, but Sokka or Katara would be bound to get some laughs!

Can't wait for the next installment!

**Ratraccoon****:** 2007-12-05 That's why I did a Zuko version after my Aang one because he would be such a high maintenance character that would need a lot of warning and caution labels. I'm almost done and could post it as is and it's already longer than my Aang version, but I feel something is missing in the frequently asked questions.  
Just from the 2 reviews it looks like a Sokka version will be next. _AN: I had responded to this in a review in the past._

TheTwilightRurouni 2007-12-14 Not into the Azulee, but still hilarious! and so true...

TrueThinker 2007-12-13 That was really funny. I have to say this was awfully creative. However, I've never been a fan of Azulee . . .

**Ratraccoon:** So does that mean you two prefer Ty Zula?

AStormIsBrewing 2007-12-13 One (1) Fire Nation princess outfit (similar to Zuko's) (version 2.0 only) ZUKO units came with a princess outfit? 8D

**Ratraccoon:** I was referring to the unisex robes that the adult members of the royal family seem to wear around the palace. Unh! I can't believe that they still wear that even after all these years (they have been since at least Sozin's time)!

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-09 Did I miss the section on "itch" mode? :\ _AN: He is referring to the Katara guide. _

**Ratraccoon:** It is a symptom of her angry setting.

The D team DinestyX and Daw... 2008-07-21 OMG I WANT AN IROH unit! How much?!

YOU ROCK!

silver-nightstorm 2008-03-23 ch 1, "Solution: If you have tried everything and nothing has worked we will send you a big bottle of King Bumi's Happy Pills®4 for just 149.99. So effective that your ZUKO unit will actually enjoy eating jook and drinking tea!

WARNING: May cause said ZUKO unit to bring home kittens. Be advised if you or someone you know has cat allergies."

OMG, that was priceless. How much to buy a ZUKO unit? I need to get one of these! LOL, you make it seem so real. Great job!

**Ratraccoon:** I haven't actually put a price tag on any particular unit. But I would imagine that they would cost thousands of dollars each and the price would very depending on the uses, what kind of accessories they come with, and whether or not the character is a bender. To get a good estimate I'd suggest that you see the Teo guide.

pureangel86 2008-05-20 I'm guessing you haven't updated this for Boiling Rock 1&2 because Sokka and Zuko get along fine together in it.

**Ratraccoon:** You're damn right I didn't! (At the time anyway.)

* * *

**Serious questions and answers:**

Synonymous Brian 2008-01-29 Oh my god, I read the same exact story thing for D. Gray-man except it was with DGM characters! The layout was exactly the same! I am serious! EXACTLY THE SAME! Now, of course I am not accusing you of stealing or plagiarism, perhaps it is the other author who is committing plagiarism. Anyway, just thought I should let you know!

**Ratraccoon:** I will admit that I did not come up with the idea and that I copied the layout. But it was not from Gray-man it was from MapleRose and mumyou nanashi who did Gundam Seed and Inuyasha characters and I give credit to since that is where I first saw this type of fanfiction. The only part of the layout that is different is to include the upgrades. If Gray-man has an upgrade section and it is in the same place then it is a coincidence because I have never seen his fanfics; I don't even know what DGM stand for so I am not likely to be part of its fan base past or present. I do know that the idea is an old one any we may never know who the originator is since this person may have let other people use his/her idea for other characters.

The-Jaron 2007-12-17 lol funny story and I've seen these before in the FMA section.

Also you cannot go around saying every other fanfiction is rubbish, you will get enemies and the idea is to keep as many people on your good side until you need them.

Jaron out and I like these things

avatarfanatic280 2007-12-16 HAHAHA! I really liked that. You should make like, a KATARA unit, or a TOPH unit. that would be very funny.

By the way, not all avatar the last airbender fanfics suck. A lot do, unfortunately, but, fortunately, there are like, fourteen thousand of them, so I do not really mind. sometimes the bad ones get in the way, though.

**Ratraccoon:** Then either you two have less discriminating taste or I have the incredibly bad luck of finding lousy Avatar the Last Airbender fanfics. I have found many great Neon Genesis Evangelion, Farscape, Inuyasha and Gundam Seed fanfics and a few notably good Battlestar Galactica (the new version), Naruto and Bleach fanfiction. It's just when it comes to Avatar fanfics (at least based on my experience) it's almost as bad as finding good Vandread fanfiction. And it was the reason why I was prompted to write for this fanbase.

AStormIsBrewing 2007-12-16 Hmm . . . somehow the Cabbage Merchant was not as entertaining as the others.

What about Frothers/Foamy?

**Ratraccoon****:** 2007-12-16 Sorry I am not doing Foamy because he hasn't had enough screen time and next to nothing is known about him. I had already said basically that Cabbage Man was a borderline character that I would find worthy enough to do.  
A character needs to have a certain amount of screen time and have a certain level of complexity for me to have something to write about. I almost didn't do this character because of this reason. And probably wouldn't have done him if he wasn't borderline and had alot of requests. I'm sorry but a character that only had a 30 second appearance isn't even considered to be close enough to be worthy of an owners manual. I just wont do a Foamy manual no matter how much you ask.

AN: Can you believe this person? I had just said in the Cabbage Man manual that I would not do Foaming at the Mouth Guy and he/she had just witnessed the reason why a manual for characters that are not well known are not as good. At least when it comes from me anyways. I would rather do Cabbage Man's Fire Nation counterpart Dry Cleaning Man than Foaming at the Mouth Guy. Poor guy not only gets the clothes he was cleaning stolen but also looses his money to Toph when she was scamming people.

Khajmer 2008-02-10 ... Wah? Is this from chapter 14, is that it? Please, respond and let me know because if it is I need to send the guys who run watch-avatar a very angry email about why they have not updated with it and find the episode.

ResidentPyromaniac 2008-02-13 LOL!

To Khajmer: Jun is the one that Zuko sent after Katara and then Aang with Katara's necklace in the first season. Oh, and I request a Teo one... please?

**Ratraccoon****:** Thank you ResidentPyromaniac!

Mrs.Weasley the Kataang Luv... 2008-06-02 These are awesome. Great work. I've read almost all of your, "Guide/manual" fics and love all of them. I was wondering, do you think I could use the idea in as a fic of my own. For another topic of course, and I'd disclaimer the idea as yours. What do you think? Thanks.

**Ratraccoon:** Sure go for it!

Jordana Kari 2007-12-05 ch 1, I love that comic strip. I choose to believe that you are a Maiko and you spoiled nothing with the whole plot device thing. Good guide.

**Ratraccoon:** Not really; in fact I was originally against it until I saw "The Headband" and saw how happy they were. Afterwards I thought why try to ruin their happiness since both of them are rarely happy and let them just angst together. As for the plot device it was because I can't stand Zutara and because it's true. Admit it! It's Mike and Bryan's way of playing zutarians for their own amusement!

Zeiramsy 2008-08-13 Is an upgrade to 3.5(ii) version coming soon, cause I love to see new relationship modes with ZUKO and SUKI units.

**Ratraccoon:** Well, well aren't you just eager. You couldn't even wait for it to be transferred. By the way all of my fanfics of characters that were in the second half of season 3 have been updated when they were transferred if they weren't up to date already.

* * *

**Nitpicking about my fics:**

Scarlett Masquerade 2008-04-05 Um...Did you notice that he magically turned into Roku at the "Your unit will come with the following" part? _AN: This was for Sozin._

Stupid is as Lana Does 2008-02-08 lol, yay! Love the "vanishing cream" part! lol  
You do realize, however, that you said "You are now the proud owner of a fully automated TOPH unit." right? _AN: This was for Long Feng._

Summer Sweetheart 2008-07-04 I noticed an error in this story:

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated YUE unit.

It should be Pakku. Not Yue... Just thought I'd point that out to you. And since you're taking requests, how 'bout a KANA owner's guide?

**Ratraccoon:** Cut and paste mistakes seem to be my most common major mistake. I do a lot of cut and paste for characters with similar backgrounds.

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-14 I love it! Iroh rules. Except for one thing I noticed...  
"While your IROH unit may not be able to actually create lightning himself he can alter its path and use it against other lightingbenders."  
Iroh -can- lightningbend, as he tries to teach Zuko how. -Zuko- however, couldn't learn it, so he taught him the move he made up.  
Other than that, great job  
HINTHINT now do Cabbage Man ;)

TheTwilightRurouni 2007-12-14 Ha! This is hilarious! The only problem is that Iroh can actually create lightning. Must find AZULA manual!

Sayle 2007-12-14 I quite like this, as I like the others in this theme. But there is a mistake. Iroh can create lightning, as seen in Bitter Work (on screen) and Crossroads of Destiny (off screen).

**Ratraccoon:** I was surprised on how quickly everyone responded to this mistake; this was not from a cut and paste mistake but a continuity mistake that I had made due to not seeing these episodes in awhile.

mildura 2007-12-14 Silly manufacturer! You forgot to include the (1) Tea Set accessory!  
Lol, Iroh naked.

**Ratraccoon:** Oops.

Pepipanda 2008-03-31 You mention the liu quin. It's actually a yue qin, and I can play it!(I'm half Chinese) I just thought that was cool.

**Ratraccoon:** Either that instrument is called something else in a different Chinese dialect than the one you're familiar with (I'm assuming that you know at least a few Chinese words) or someone at tv(dot)com has been misinformed because that is where I got the information from. Honestly you know more about it than I do.

Amaranth Pink 2008-02-12 There are some mistakes:

1) Isn't Azula 15?  
2) It's spelled 'Ba Sing Se'...right?

Other than that, this just keeps getting better and better. xD

**Ratraccoon****:** 2008-02-12 Azula being 15 is a misconception. It's actually 14; people get confused because Mai is 15. Secondly Ba Sing Sei is another way to spell it. Interestingly enough it was the more common spelling a year ago. I might want to point out while on the subject that there are 2 different ways to spell Hama/Hamma's name.

swan-swan 2008-01-10 Hmm... It seems logical.

As to ii, I think Mai is actually the one with ADHD. Or ADD. Picking her nails as a kid, sick of sitting still, twirling a knife, constantly moving...

Very brilliant writing, and an amusing read.

**Ratraccoon****:** I think you would be sick of sitting still after 15 years! Besides I see no evidence of her having a short attention span.

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-08 I could be wrong but... I'm pretty sure I read the ZUKO unit manual on AFF

**Ratraccoon****:** Yeah I know I found that out later. Why the hell would anyone put a fanfic there if it could just as easily be here? That is not the place where I would be looking for that sort of fanfiction!

Summer Sweetheart 2007-12-30 Funny! But I don't think Ty Lee is a part of a septuplet set... and I never heard of that rumor that she was descended from the Air Nomads. Interesting...

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-31 Lol! I like the WTF setting! -grins-  
yeah, I think she's a septuplet, since she talks about being a "set", and why would you be a set with people that are all born at different times? IF that makes sense... -cough-  
so, yeah... methinks you should do... Foo-Foo Cuddly Poops next! or not...

**Ratraccoon:** Thank you Stupid is as Lana Does! And might I add that you certainly don't live up to your name!

SeaSpectre160 2008-08-20 Nice work! But just so you know, you were talking about the wrong spirit, in the Yue one too. La is the Ocean Spirit, Tui's the Moon Spirit, the one who gets killed and stuff. But that's really the only issue, therefore, I give you a 9.9(a lot of nine's, alright?) out of ten. Cuz it's not too important as to which spirit name you use.

**Ratraccoon:** Are you sure? "_The people of the Water Tribe saw how she moved the tides and learned how to imitate that skill. La and her eternal counterpart, the Ocean Spirit Tui." "Tui is the black koi." "La is the white koi and her name means 'pull' in Chinese, while Tui means 'push'."_ This is all from Avatar Spirit(dot)Net; one of the most reliable sources on Avatar information. And even though the official Nick website does not tell you which one is which but it does have a close up of La and moon spirit Yue in the gear and more section.

* * *

**Miscellaneous Comments:**

** For Aang**

Xmads 2008-07-09 This is great!

Aireeana 2008-06-08 I love your "guides", haha... I want an AANG unit please! You're so creative and humorous! Great job!

I Took The 405 2008-05-15 woot! Lol I like these.

Khajmer 2008-01-20 Fing brilliant! Simply, absolutely, undeniably brilliant. Oh, I've gotta do something like these for Doctor Who or something, that would just be plain fun.

FAVORITE AUTHOR AND AUTHOR ALERT (something I rarely, if ever, do)

ishmaranara 2007-12-10 Aangst, defined as subtle type of self-pity mixed with his unique strength. Yes a nice guide indeed.

Amira Elizabeth 2007-12-06 This was cute. LOL. I loved it. :)

Izzie and Hannah 2007-12-05 I love this, it's so original!

I was laughing throughout the entire thing, it was so funny!

I would like to see a SOKKA unit, I think that would be pretty funny. mostly only coz he is my fav character

Love this fic xoxo

**For Appa**

babu'sbff 2007-12-19 I love this series. It's pretty hilarious.

ishmaranara 2007-12-18 Funny

Xenia101 2007-12-17 Smooth.

**For Azula**

websitefanboy 2007-12-20 lol funny! I laughed so hard make more!

SimpleBend 2007-12-19 LOL! I love your units! I'd love to order an Azula but it's too dangerous! XD

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-13 lol, "not responsible if she electrocutes you" -grins- love that...  
now we need an Iroh Unit  
OR! OR! a... Cabbage Man Unit! yeah, Cabbage Man!

zenthois 2007-12-13 This is one manual I want to study!  
Good job! ;)

Penguinlala815 2007-12-13 I Love these Fan Fics! (Count this as my comments for your Zuko and Sokka Owner's Manuals too!) Where did you get the Idea for these?! I would have never thought of it!

AnimegirlKiki 2007-12-13 Lol. I need that. Nice. Lol.

Huitzilopoctli11 2007-12-12 XD Awesome, what a neat idea, making an owner's guide for Azula. I'd like to see an Iroh or Ty Lee manual as well.

**For Bumi**

Lady Barbossa329 2008-07-25 Bumi is my favorite character. Good job and very funny!

Stupid is as Lana Does 2008-01-03 lol yay, Bumi! Steroids and crack cocaine! lol  
thankee muchly! Gee, you must be running out of characters to do, huh?

Summer Sweetheart 2008-01-03 Oo! Has anyone asked about a TOM TOM owner's guide? I mean, that might be hard for a baby, but you mentioned one and I thought that'd be cute!

**For Cabbage Man**

DeejaVu 2008-03-29 Yes! Cabbage Man is awesome!

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-08 nice price gouging with that replacement hat XP

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-16 Yay! Thank you! Love Cabbage Man!!

**For Combustion Man**

ResidentPyromaniac 2008-06-26 Request a Bato please?

For Hakoda

Kira73 2008-05-23 I was laughing my ass off the whole time. Awesome. (Um...where can I buy one?)

misken67 2008-05-09 "Is nearly ineffective on starting prison riots." Lolz! That scene was one of my favorite scenes in the episode (second only to the betrayal).

The rest of them were hilarious as well! Seeing ZUKO unit switch sides for the first time...tripping over his shoe...etc. You did a great job here. :)

Ari-Griffin 2008-05-08 I love Hakoda. Thank you for doing an owner's manual for him.

**For Hamma**

Shinobi Bender 2007-12-31 Cool installation. Now all we need is a Suki and a Monk Gystao.

Kid Eternity 2007-12-31 Another hilarious fanfiction, great job Ratraccoon, do more pls.:)

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-31 Yay! A new unit!

"Q: My HAMMA unit won't stop capturing and torturing people. I don't want her to go to jail; what should I do?

A: All we can say is you're screwed."

That's hilarious! Lol oh, oh, Bumi! We need a Bumi unit!!

**For Haru**

cartoonartist 2008-01-24 This is the best one you've written. I hope you can write new on some minor characters, like Jet, Teo and the Duke.

nanoteknology 2008-01-23 OMG I burst out laughing when I read "sexyfine"! I am a HUGE fan of Gan Xingba's avatar abridged. Haru's accent kills me every time.  
I love your work on these maintenance manuals!

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-23 It is a VERY fugly mustache

**For Iroh**

fourfourfourfour 2008-01-07 I know that I'm getting for my birthday ;) and with the 2 for one thingy w. a ZUKO dolly...this'll be the best birthday ever!

Piratess-Bell 2007-12-21 That was pretty good... XD Yeah, I'm favoriting this one

WWMTgirl 2007-12-18 I request a MAI unit.

SimpleBend 2007-12-15 Awesome! I want to order a Sokka and an Iroh unit. I think a Cabbage Man unit would be short but hilarious but right now I want a ZHAO unit please!

Summer Sweetheart 2007-12-14 Hehe. Cute. I really like these! If no one has requested this yet, could you do an Appa and/or Momo guide?

Shinobi Bender 2007-12-14 LOL. I love the bathing part. giggles

**For Jet**

zutarakid50 2008-08-05 I like this one best so far. (but it's only the seconded one I read). I wanna JET unit! Lol

Keiri Bradon 2008-04-12 Oh...my...gosh! That was hilarious.

It was cute and original. You put great ideas into this story(ish thing). You included stuff from the show while making it sound like an actual owner's guides. Kudos and keep up the good work!

SimpleBend 2008-01-17 Hahaha, good work with this one! XD

Jewely2951 2008-01-12 I think that's the only Instructions manual I've ever been able to read fully. lol. I especially love the Q&A. This is the first of your Manuals I've read so far. I'm so gonna look up the rest. Great fic. :D

TrueThinker 2008-01-12 Haha, I totally love this one. Jet is such a misunderstood character. These are so fun to read :)

lunardragon2607 2008-01-11 I read through most of your stories and they're good! I like them!

...So, I can send in suggestions?  
I'd like to see manuals on the following units:  
(PRINCESS)YUE/MOON SPIRIT  
(AVATAR)ROKUU  
(FIRE LORD)AZULON  
(FIRE LORD)SOZEN

When I think of more, I'll send in suggestions. Until then!

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-11 Haha such great jet personalization

Blue Arrows 2008-01-11 WOW. This is ridiculously well done. Nice details. I am so impressed. Looks like everyone knows where you'll be working someday.

**For Jun**

Roboko 2008-07-22  
I love this. I want a Jun unit for myself so that I may clean her myself. c:

**For Katara**

kelsoheart 2008-06-21 I know one you could do! The Earth king! Or the Earth Kings bear. Or both. Your choice!

ishmaranara 2007-12-10 These are always funny and you did a good job of it.

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-09 LOL! I love these things!  
OhOh! Do Toph! Toph rules above all else!!

Shinobi Bender 2007-12-09 Aggressive negotiation? LOL! Could you do Azula or Toph please? Can't wait to see what you do with that. XD

**For Lo & Li**

meluvtasuki 2008-07-04 These are all so funny!

(And considering the way they look I wouldn't be surprised if the two of them taught Sozin and whichever fire lord was Azula and Zuko's grandfather. (I can never remember his name ...Azulon?))

crazyzukofangirl1280 2008-07-03 Date of Manufacture: Approximately 100 years ago

You wouldn't BELIVE what I thought at that!

MoonlitLightning 2008-02-06 I have a request for a Teo unit, please.

WWMTgirl 2008-01-31 I loved it!  
I request an Ozai or an Ursa unit, please.

**For Long Feng **

Rebecca 2008-05-26 I really do like these user's manuals. I hope you are working on a Tom Tom one. And a Longshot one.

Spleefmistress 2008-03-04 Haha, I loved this.

**For Mai**

EmpressYam  
2008-01-05 It's all so true! XD

TrueThinker 2007-12-29 Ha! This was actually rather well-written and interesting. Being the Mai fan I am, it would be cool to have my own Mai to be my gothic best friend. Write more of these, they're gold.

amaurea3000 2007-12-23 hilarious.

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-20 lol! Love the speculation about Mai and Ty Lee at the end! That was hilarious! Which means... we need Ty Lee now! -joyful clapping-

WWMTgirl 2007-12-19 YAY! Thank you! This was hilarious.

**For Momo**

theZman 2008-02-20 DO KYOSHI NEXT!

websitefanboy 2007-12-20 Do Hama next! THAT WOULD BE VERY FUNNY! DO HAMA DO HAMA DO HAMA!

Stupid is as Lana Does 2007-12-18 lol! Love these things!!  
Hmm... We need a Roku unit or Hama! do the crazy lady!

Nev/Wormtail 2007-12-18 This is really funny!

Summer Sweetheart 2007-12-18 Haha! Has anyone suggested a HAWKY manual?

mildura 2007-12-18 Yay! Momo!

**For Ozai**

zutarakid50 2008-08-05 OMG this is so funny! I'm going to read your other ones!

Chaosmaiden07 2008-03-30 I like the Zuko unit.

TrueThinker 2008-01-12 I've always wanted to own my own Ozai . . . I just love him. Great job :)

SimpleBend 2008-01-11 Thanks for the Ozai unit! I loved the "refused to be weighed" "butt kisser" and "flying-hippo-cow". LOL! XD

Shinobi Bender 2008-01-08 ROFL! Keep this up! Would you do a Jeong Jeong?

Ieyre 2008-01-08 I feel bad now because I am one of those older Ozai fangirls...

**For Pakku:**

A Tearbender 2008-07-24 Grand Pop-Pop!

JustLittleOldMe 2008-07-19 That's just funny. Thanks for writing this up, I needed a good laugh.

**For Sokka**

Caramel Crazy 2008-06-14 Haha... Loved it. Well done.

Kid Eternity 2007-12-10 That was pretty good! Very funny, do more pls.

Sokkas Instincts 2 2007-12-10 Just thinking here, might be a little one sided, but Azula could be pretty funny, as would an Iroh or a cabbage merchant. Where is he anyway?

ishmaranara 2007-12-10 Ah Sokka, think he will ever live down the cactus juice incident. Seriously though a nice job.

SimpleBend 2007-12-08 LOL! I want my Sokka unit!

AStormIsBrewing 2007-12-06 This was too funny. I can't wait to see the ZUKO unit. But I want to see a FOAMY unit! huggles foamy mouth guy

**For Suki**

I Took The 4052008-05-15 ch 1, lol CAUTION: Fighting a TY LEE unit could trigger her WTF setting. HAHA great

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-08 ch 1, lol at the mascara and the troubleshooting for getting her make-up off

AnimegirlKiki 2008-01-06 ch 1, LOL. I love your flicks! Nice job. Lol, _AN: "Flicks"?_

Stupid is as Lana Does 2008-01-04 ch 1, lol yay, acidic substances for makeup removal!  
I love the Q&As and troubleshootings... these things are awesome! Hmm... could you make a Yue unit, or is there not enough junk about her?

**For Toph **

Sanna Lan 2008-07-30 Sweet! Send me one, plz!

shinenagai 2008-07-06 So awesome. This guide doesn't need anything else, except the hotline where I can order TOPH's clothing series.

Now, now, which number to place one more TOPH unit order and additional HINATA HYUUGA unit?

Caramel Crazy 2008-06-14 Nicely written, loved the Hinata insert there.

Mr.Evil 2008-05-22 very creative

CounterToThePath 2008-01-03 Great job, this one might be one of my favorites. Ha, romantic relationship with Sokka unit might cause premature death. That's just great, but I feel sorry for him, all of his girlfriends seem to die.

The Varajan 2007-12-22 Dude and/or dudette this bit is uber funny. Keep writing...

-Respectfully The Varajan

ThumperMiggles 2007-12-17 ZOMGS! SEND ME ONE!

avatarfanatic280 2007-12-16 I really like these owner's manual fics. Are there more?

Ari-Griffin 2007-12-13 Funny! My favorite was "WARNING: Getting into a romantic relationship with a SOKKA unit increases her chance of a premature death." and the parts about mud fighting and scamming.

Pyric 2007-12-11 Heh, I really like this. What a great idea! I thought it was going to be weird when I started reading it but...well it's clever and I liked it a lot. Really something!  
Naturally I have to comment about the risks of "premature death" if I allow my TOPH unit to get into a relationship with a SOKKA unit...because that would just be sad. Also, my TOPH unit and I have agreed that the risks would be worth it, because they are just great together.

Anyway, a really great idea and very well written. Excellent work!

AnimegirlKiki 2007-12-11 LMBO! This is great. Love the Hinata joke. Heehee. Nice job. Lol,

Tokkalover 2007-12-11 Wow, I love it! Favorites

Shinobi Bender 2007-12-11 Nice, I love it especially the Hinata Hyuuga part. Please keep it up. I wonder could you do Mai next?

**For Ty Lee**

CounterToThePath 2008-01-03 nevermind, Ty Lee's is much better

shadoweddrm 2007-12-30 this is REALLY cool!

websitefanboy 2007-12-30 loved it! Very funny! You should do Hama next please!

Kid Eternity 2007-12-30 Very funny, especially the Sokka part, this is a bit similar review from the Sokka unit fic, well ta-ra!

Scarlett Masquerade 2007-12-29 Haha first review! Oh btw that was hilarious!

**For Yue**

space penguin 2008-07-07 OMG this is really funny! And really creative! At first I was like "WTF?", but after that I started cracking up laughing!

I would like to purchase a Yue unit please! XD

**For Zhao**

SimpleBend 2008-01-03 Hahahahahaha LOL! Faves Thank you for doing ZHAO! orders. An Ozai unit should be interesting to see too.

WWMTgirl 2008-01-02 laughs I love these things! I most formally request a STAR unit. (You know...the girl that called Toph a poodle-monkey).

Stupid is as Lana Does 2008-01-02 "With proper care and maintenance, your ZHAO unit should not burn everything in sight or cause the apocalypse."

ROFL!! I want one! lol

Now... Bumi! We need the crazy king!!

crazyzukofangirl1280 2008-01-02 How 'bout FOAMY! That'll btw cool! And Yue, Suki! Pauku, Gran Gran! Ozai, Long Feing SPARKY SPARKY BOOM MAN!

zara2148 2008-01-02 May I suggest Jet for the next one? Or Bumi.

Amaranth Pink 2008-01-02 This is the most different one from the others XD Can the next one be either Ozai or Ursa? :3

**For Zuko**

fourfourfourfour 2008-07-30 ch 2, Ahahahaha great update! I noticed that tear thing too, I guess they goofed it when they did the animation for his reunion with Iroh or something.

Pepipanda 2008-07-29 ch 2, Nice update. I've read most of the Owner's Guides and they are funny! I did notice that there is no mention of the new lightning scar in this one, but I don't see anywhere where that would really fit in, so it's fine. Thanks for writing these!

Andrew-Squee 2008-01-08 ch 1, And I've seen the comic strip, too! lol greatness

fourfourfourfour 2008-01-07 ch 1, ha ha ha, this was great! you really made that manual air tight ;D

Ieyre 2007-12-19 ch 1, "I'm dropping out of school to join my gay lover's heavy metal band and I'm worshiping Satan. Speaking of which I have killed the family dog/cat as an animal sacrifice."

I loled so HARD at that. For realz.

TrueThinker 2007-12-13 ch 1, Haha. I like this one. You're 'Owner's Guide' stories are hilarious.

ishmaranara 2007-12-10 ch 1, Of course he was cute and tiny, and I bet his Ursa said so many times. This made me laugh, thanks.

Harpygirl91 2007-12-07 ch 1, Crazy Reviewer Unit

Watch as it- randomly blinks for 1-5 minutes, falls over in laughter hitting head on desk due to her being at school, continues laughter while wishing the ZUKO unit was real, and congratulates you on making one of the funniest Zuko fanfics of all time while adding story to her faves.

lightning-storm 2007-12-05 ch 1, This is one of the most original stories I've seen. I love it! Hey maybe you can have a little series of Avatar units. ;p

Solembum13 2007-12-05 ch 1, This is one of the funniest fanfictions I have aver read. I love the line about the Chia pet: Cut off his ponytail, throw his barber overboard and watch it grow...XD

good job. :D

Tomogirl 2007-12-05 ch 1, dies of laughter This is ingenious. Oh my gosh... Imagine the entire Avatar cast's action figures being life-size tall robots. Great! I love the creativity. And the kittens!! Hahaha! Brings back plenty of memories of Zuko going on happy pills in Deviant Art. Whoo...

skittlesandcombos 2007-12-05 ch 1, I want one! Lol. You make it seem real. Good job.

i() If you don't already know gallium is the metal (made artificially) with the 3rd lowest melting point at around 30°C. I chose this because cesium is too unstable and explodes when in contact with water and mercury is a liquid at room temperature. Plus both mercury and cesium are toxic and so far the only known health risk from handling gallium is skin irritation.

ii() The writer of this review originally said 3.0 but he/she clearly means 3.5.


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